Would it be petty of me to not go out for drinks tonight unless directly asked to come along? My coworkers keep talking about going out after work and they started asking people yesterday and continued today and I still was not included. It’s a very small group, and the rational side tells me to go but the social anxiety in me says that I shouldn’t go unless personally invited. What are your thoughts?
Edit: I work in a one-room office with about 6 people. If it matters
Edit2: I ended up getting invited
39 comments
I honestly wouldn’t go unless I’m invited. And if they ask why I didn’t come just say I heard about it but I wasn’t personally asked so I didn’t want to infringe and make it awkward
Is there a way to ask one of them? “Hey I heard you guys talking about going out tonight? Was that invite for everybody or have you guys got your own thing going on?”
Me, personally, if I wasn’t a part of the original plans then I’m not going. They just don’t like you like that yet and you goin might ruin the vibe.
How long have you worked with them? Where are they going?
If it sounds fun and you like these people enough, just ask. I do this with a couple coworkers and we invited someone that normally doesn’t come, and while he was relatively quiet compared to us it was still a good addition.
I say dont go. If you go and they weren’t meaning for you to come then it could be a really awkward and uncomfortable night. If you don’t go and they did want you to come then it’s really no big deal and they would probably understand.
I wouldn’t go out to something you weren’t invited to. That’s kind of awkward to do. Just know it’s okay to not be invited to something.
Love how Reddit, especially this sub, always jumps to the worst conclusion.
“They are rude and terrible people and you should hate them!!”
It’s probably just a simple misunderstanding. Don’t go, and ask them how the drinks went next time, and that you’ve been in the mood for a drink. They’ll probably end up inviting you to the next one. Remember it’s a work setting, be cool and professional. Taking it personally is the worst thing to do. It’s okay to not be invited to everything, and if worst comes to worst you don’t need to be friends with your coworkers.
I would not go unless specifically invited.
I would say something. Is everyone going for office drinks or is a private celebration?
Bro, shit like this happens at work all the time. Don’t stress about it. Some days they’ll invite you and not others, you are thinking way too deep about this
I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t let this occupy my thoughts for even a second more.
No harm in asking one of the people you know are going if you could join?
I went once and understood it’s a mistake. The one who planned wanted something to share and for reasons not known to me didn’t want me to be a part. But it doesn’t mean the same will apply to you.
Make some plans on that same night that way you’ll avoid the fomo and if they ask why you didn’t come, you were busy.
Well? What’s the outcome? Did you go?
This feels like a Seinfeld skit in the making.
From my experience, I worked with one guy who made everyone really uncomfortable, so no one invited him to anything. We knew he would become weird if he got drunk etc..
Just don’t go
I’m confused, you weren’t invited so how and why are you debating on going? There is no rationality to your “rational side telling you to go”…you weren’t invited, you don’t go
Why not just ask if you can go with? anyone you’re friends with at the office?
So I’m not a part of this subreddit and just stumbled on it by accident but I’m that person you’re talking about in my office. We’re in an open space and we regularly go out. There is someone who we don’t ask if she wants to come with us but it’s just because we don’t talk a lot. Honestly I’m kinda socially awkward too and if I ask my other colleagues and not her it’s not because I don’t want her to come. It’s just because she mostly keeps to herself and I don’t want to invite her and have her feel obligated to come when she may not have fun. She’s also a bit older than the rest of us. Anyway, I’m just saying that maybe, the fact that you weren’t invited is just because others assume that you wouldn’t want to come. Talk to the colleague who invited everyone else in private and ask them if it would be okay if you came or not (maybe not that day but some day). If the person I’m talking about did that, I would be definitely happy to see her come! Sorry English isn’t my first language, I hope all of that made sense lol
As someone mentioned here, just ask to join for a short duration then leave saying stuff like “oh I have to do laundry/chores/catch a late night movie, cycling, jog with a friend”
If you and everyone is enjoying and they request you to stay, you can stay back saying you cancelled, if not then leave when you think people have had enough of you.
Well, if you weren’t invited… But do you even want to go?
Some of these comments are so silly. Who cares they didn’t ask? All that matters is if you actually WANT to go. Do you like these people? Will you have a good time or would you rather go home and chill? If they ask why you didn’t go don’t say it was because you weren’t invited. They aren’t in charge of whether you get to go out and have a good time. Just say you felt like goin home to relax but maybe you’ll catch them next time. But if you DO want to go all you need to do is walk up to the girl and say Hey, mind if I join you guys? I could use a drink! And that’s it. Stop worrying so much about social hierarchy bullshit and just do you
IMO, there are several reasons why they didn’t invite you.
1) They don’t know you that well and they might also be socially awkward.
2) They assume you aren’t interested in drinking.
3) You probably never hang out with them, or maybe they’ve invited you in the past and you’ve turned them down, so they assume you’re not interested.
4) You have a bad reputation at the office so they purposely are avoiding you.
If #4 was the case, I doubt they would invite other coworkers in front of you unless they were real jerks. The fact that you asked one of the original invitees separately about it and she casually told you to come anyway also implies that they just don’t know you well enough to ask you.
If it were me, I would also pull one of the inviters aside and say that I overheard that they were going out for drinks and if it would be strange or awkward for me to tag along.
Unless you’re a real jerk at the office or they’re meeting up for some kind of mutual event or friend, I don’t see why they would have any problem with you coming along. Just be sure to check any grudges or bitterness at the door when you go, because the last thing you want is to turn a positive drinking event into a negative one – that will not help you get more invites in the future.
Just ask someone you actually like if you can come as well. It’s not that hard. If it was a formal thing it would be different but going out for beers/drinks is not that big of a problem.
Peiple complain that they never get invited to anything, but make absolutely zero effort to include themselves..
Edit to be clear, Ask in advance if you can join. Don’t just show up out of the blue.
In one of your comments you mentionned « the one person » you talk to. If you only talk to one of your coworkers in your entire workspace, it’s not surprising AT ALL that you weren’t invited. Sorry but I too wouldn’t invite some awkward guy that talks to nobody to that kind of event
There’s a lot of back and forward in the replies here, but more context is required for a definitive answer.
So, there are “about” 6 people in the office.
How many of the co-workers have mentioned it? Were they personally invited? Or did someone just say “after work drinks tonight??”
If (say) 3 of the people are friends outside of work and want to organise something, then it’s up to them.
If there really are a total of 6/7 and all were personally invited but you, then it’s either rude/bullying, or an oversight.
If it’s the former then I’d stay home, watch some Netflix and forget about it.
If it’s the latter, then I would ask the person in the group who I thought I could trust most…
“Hi, is this a works thing? You think it would be okay if I tagged along?” etc.
But again, it really depends on finer details than in the original question.
Either way, don’t let anyone live rent-free in your head.
Ugh we have issues like this in my work with people thinking their not invited when the entire office is sitting discussing plans. If everybody else is going then obviously you’re invited.
This type thing caused a lot of stress and needless drama in my workplace. Everybody constantly have to walk on eggshells
Don’t go.
I would just say “is it an open invite for tonight?”
If they say no it’s only for specific people or whatever say no worries and smile
If you weren’t invited personally you do not go.
I don’t have social anxiety and typically I’m all for inviting myself to things… however in this case I would not go unless explicitly invited …
Don’t go in unless you’re invited.
Had this happen to me too in a small toxic office environment. Don’t go. They are mean and not worth it.
So you work in a small office with 6 people? If your coworkers were discussing it in front of you, and you were a part of the conversation, even by proximity(not necessarily joined in the conversation but physically present),the invite is implied. If they said “hey we should all grab drinks tonight!” and you sat there blankly and didn’t say anything, that was your invite and you didn’t express any interest so they didn’t press the issue with you.
They went to other people to invite them because they weren’t included in the conversation.
I work in a small office setting and there’s the “commitee”, basically three of us that sit within earshot, someone says “we should do x!” And then we either say ‘yeah!’ Or ‘can’t tonight’ and if it passes that stage it goes to “round everyone else up and see if they can join.” Where we dapproach other coworkers that weren’t around. It would definitely be petty if this was the situation.
If they discussed this with you/directly in front of you and you didn’t join the convo or express interest in joining, they most likely assume the invite was implied even if they did not individually approach you in the “round up” phase because they likely did not want to press you.
If you dont go and say “I didn’t come become I wasn’t invited” the next day they’d probably think it was strange.
If everyone else was specifically invited except you- it would be super awkward for you to show up.
I wouldn’t go… never go to something you were not invited to or something you have doubts about attending.
If you were in the conversation with the group, I would say you are invited by proxy. If you saw someone inviting people and you weren’t invited, then that’s it.
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