Why do women only come to me to talk about other guys and complain about their problems? I’m good at guiding them through these emotions but I always feel like i’m being used and it’s frustrating because I’m interested in some of them romantically.

2 comments

1. You’re not being used, you use your skill to help them through their emotions, and then wonder why they come to you for that. I guess you noticed, that they respond well to that and figured, hey, this is going to give me a chance with them! But it won’t. Don’t get me wrong! You should absolutely be there for your friends or girlfriend (when you get one). But right now you are acting like a friend, and that’s great but you need to make sure, that they know, you want to be on a date with them. If you don’t want them talking about their ex, say: hey, I don’t really want to talk about your ex. Could be, that they won’t want to hang out with you after that, bc that’s all they wanted from you – but that means they’re not interested in the first place. But don’t be mad about being “used” when you are giving them your time and energy very freely. They probably don’t even know this annoys you. They probably think that you are a good friend.

   Sorry if this is a bit harsh, it’s just a lesson we all have to learn: put up some boundaries, if you don’t, don’t be mad for people not respecting your boundaries (that you don’t put up in the first place)

   I hope this gives you some food for thought. You do deserve love, but you need to start loving yourself – say what you want and don’t want!! And: accept the consequences. This is the way to not suffering so much with people. You can’t be liked by everyone, and probably not even by most. And there is nothing weird about that.

2. > Basically i’ll make it clear I like the girl,

   Yeah, don’t.

   If you like someone, it’s implied, you don’t say it. Though in this case, I wonder just how “clear” you actually make it.

   Most of the flirting dynamic relies on that push-pull of acting like you’re not interested (and teasing the other person). It’s very obvious when you like someone anyway if you know what you’re doing.

   If this consistently happens to you, you’re either friendzoning yourself by taking waaaay too long to make any sort of move, or you’re not making any move at all and just staying in the close friend zone of “we’ll talk about your problems and talk a lot, but pretty much not break the touch barrier in any meaningful way or do any flirting”.