I (31 M) feel like there is no hope for me because I have never had a girlfriend. I didn’t have success when it was the easiest, so why should I have any now? Whenever I envision what women are attracted to, I envision the opposite of myself in almost every way. I’m obese, balding, and pale. I also tend to appear extremely awkward and stupid in almost every social situation. In fact almost all of my past “friends” have routinely ridiculed me for being so incredibly awkward and stupid.
On top of all of that, I have no natural aggression, and I am always too fearful to defend myself. As a result of my shortcomings, I have no friends, and I can only see things getting worse in the post COVID-19 world. I’ve been in the same city for most of the past 7 years, and I have not one friend.
The only thing I have going for me is my career. I’m a software engineer at a late phase startup. I like what I do, but I still hate my life and myself overall.
I know what people are going to say: “Just work on yourself and be confident, bro!” The problem is that I really don’t believe that I will ever have success even at my very best. I feel that no matter how hard I try, I will always fail at attracting a beautiful woman because that failure is simply written into my DNA. Some people are just born with crappy DNA, and there is nothing that can be done about it.
I’ve read about how difficult dating is for unattractive men these days, and I can’t help but think how frustrating it will be if I try to date.
How can I possibly make myself believe that I can attract beautiful women?
4 comments
Confidence comes naturally when you improve yourself. A properly groomed bald man can also appear more masculine than someone with hair. Depending on your country paleness can be a big attractiveness booster but if that isn’t desirable where you are you could always get a spray tan. Finally even if you do not end up with any dating success you should lose weight and build some muscle just for the quality of life benefits that it will bring.
> I have no natural aggression, and I am always too fearful to defend myself.
Verbally or physically?
Join a gym, at least you can do something about that obesity.
I used to be super passive until I took a job at a rafting company and, within a year, I found much more assertive and happier with myself. I know that’s some very specific advice, but the main thing was getting fit and being around more assertive people.
You’re going to get the same answer, “go to the gym”. Which isn’t always helpful to hear, but there’s some truth to it. It sounds like you’re unhappy with yourself, you need to start invoking positive change in your life. Changing you nutrition habits, going to the gym, etc. It’s a lot of work but take your time, learn from your mistakes but never give up. We all stumble but the way we respond to those stumbles makes all the difference.
Start doing research into diets that fit your goals, make workout plans, and most importantly follow through. Forget dating, this will help with how you feel about yourself and will set you up for success in other facets of your life. It’s not too late man, hang in there