If a person isn’t proud of their tastes and fetishes, or they aren’t having a good time with their sex life (because they aren’t attracted to what they get), should they change?
Or should they live like that: finding real sexual pleasure only in their own thoughts?
I’m talking about people who have fetishes such as furry, extreme, etc.
This question is not only to cause discussion, but also for personal help. I feel like my tastes often keep me from enjoying what sex has to offer.
EDIT: And how is it possible to change one’s tastes and fetishes?
4 comments
you can change if you feel that there is something better and that the current fetish is getting in the way of you experiencing that better thing.
but, there’s no reason to change out of shame, guilt, or anything else, because your preferences are your own (assuming that you are not causing harm for anyone else…for example, pedophilia).
If you have an desire that is hurting you or those you care about, I definitely recommend discussing that with a therapist. May not change it, but could help find a way to be happy despite it.
It depends.
Like… My fetishses come from trauma, but I don’t feel I have any interest in doing it IRL.
Just watching.
End of the day… If you’re not hurting anyone or going against someones boundaries, you’re fine.
I am not sure I have a lot of advice to offer, but I wanted to comment because I have often wished I could change things about my own preferences. In my case though, I probably want change for the wrong reasons. My preferences probably don’t rise to “fetish” levels because they aren’t obsessions or absolutely needed for sexual gratification, just things I really enjoy. Like I (cis/het female) really enjoy watching guys urinate (only when the guy agrees to this, of course). It was something I did with a boyfriend in college, and now with a long-distance partner. It never was a problem or big deal to any partner, but it was always just kind of something that happened and that we never talked a ton about either. It also wasn’t something I advertised about myself. In the past few years I have tried to talk more about my sexuality because I always kept it buried and felt bad about it, and it hasn’t always been a good idea. A couple of years ago I made a joke about watching guys pee in a chatroom and one person attacked me and started making up all kinds of bizarre disgusting things about me and telling me I was “sick and disgusting” and needed professional help and was a horrible person who didn’t deserve anything good in life and like basically I should die. I also tried to talk to my best friend more about my sexuality when I felt hurt by things she said that felt really anti-sex and we ended up having huge fights and now we haven’t spoken to each other in almost a year. So part of me wishes I could change things like this, even if I enjoy doing them, because they have caused me such grief with other people. Medical professionals have told me that nothing is wrong with me and that these things aren’t really changeable, so I don’t really know what to do. I feel on one hand like it shouldn’t matter as long as my partner and I are happy and no one is being harmed, but on the other I live in fear that people with power over me (like at work) could find out and then my life would be ruined.