My marriage in a few sentences.

I feel the need to write this down
We booth are at 40 .We are together for 17 years and it had been with a lot of ups and downs.
I m not a romantic guy, I m very honest and strait forward.I really like her as a person, a soul mate but i never love her and I never could tell her in the face “I love you” , simple , because I didn’t.That was painful for her .
Before our first child we had sex 2x-3x times/day but after she turned frigid.I thought is part of being young mother ,with all the stress and the new priorities, hoping to pass after a year.Well it didn’t.It took her 5 years.Our relationship became very cold.She refused professional help trying to ignore it.All this took me to a porn addiction, PC games addiction , sexting , however I never cheated on her. She realized how serious her problem is when she find out about me sharing nude pics.(i tried to talk to her several times) than she started to change ,to give me more attention.

Thing got better after our second child was born.Her libido was back but still not having much of a sex.With 2 kids it s hard to find a moment , when there is time she prefers listening to Sathguru (indian Yogi) or cooking or something else .Our relationship/intimacy ends up in the back of the row which is frustrating for me. I don’t think taking out the clothes from the washing machine is more important the 5 minutes of cuddling.

Btw i do my share in the kitchen so the task in the house are 50/50.

She does a weird thing.She is provoking me to have sex ,but when I go she s starting to to something else, and she’s pushing me away.

3 years ago my mom got paralyzed ,and I spent a lot of time (about a year)taking to the doctors .She refused to take her home ,after she was out from the hospital ,made me choose between my marriage and my mom .I never knew her like that ,she turned into a total bitch.Worse period of my life.I had a very strong connection with my mom.She raised me on her own.
After my mom passed she returned to normal,like nothing happened,but i couldn’t forgive her and I couldn’t have sex with her for a year.Instead i turned to sex workers to revenge her.

Now things are much better.I worked a lot to release my gref and anger.I decided to save my marriage so my kids could have a father.
I realized that everything she did was some kinda payback for hurting her in the past, mostly without knowing.So what goes around comes around.Things got even and harmony settled.

Still go to sex workers from time to time thou.I considered it a necessary evil if that’s what bit takes to keep things in balance. Having sex 3 or 4 time /month with my apetite it s close to nothing .
End of therapy session 🙂