Hi everyone,
Hope all is doing well..
I’ll start off from the beginning and try to make it short..
Me (30m) and my fiance (30f) have been together for almost 4 years now, at the start of our relationship together everything went well sexually, my lady ended up getting pregnant and gave birth to our beautiful boy beginning of 2021 ..
During the pregnancy my missus was not sexual at all and it got to me a bit but I understood that in that time her body/mind is going through alot..
About 3 months after giving birth things got a bit better but very so often, it’s been like that for almost 2 years now, where I have to ask/talk to her about having sex or being more sexually active as it’s a big thing for me in a relationship, there will be months going by with nothing, and she always say she’s tired,have a headache, not in the mood etc, I don’t really know what else to do, as I help out with my baby boy as much as I can in between two jobs that I already have..
The thing that bugs me that she had a very active sexual life before me and that kinda is a red flag for me but I still stayed with her cause I fell in love, now don’t get me wrong she is a wonderful girl, great mother and does alot of caring things, but when it comes to sex it’s always a task..
After having multiple covos with her things go well for a week then back nothing for months..
If you guys have any suggestions on what to do I will appreciate it..
Thanks..
3 comments
It’s pretty common to have low libido after having a child.. I am just getting out of a similar situation now.. she needs to talk to her doc.. something is messed up with her meds possibly.. is she still breastfeeding?? That can kill sex drive dead.. so that’s something else to look at.
We ended up putting sex on the schedule.. every Saturday and Wednesday we make a point of it no matter what is going on.. once the kids are in bed we take time for each other twice a week like that.. it has made it alot better.
Kind of ironic that her sexual activity was a red flag for you and now you’re complaining she’s not sexual enough… Just food for thought.
Anyways. Do you two go on dates, are you emotionally connecting, do you flirt with her outside of the bedroom?
Bearing a child and raising a young child can do a number on a woman’s libido and desire. It’s common for it to last through breastfeeding or until the kids is on their way out of the toddler stage. While it’s important to be understanding about that, I wouldn’t be ok months in between.
How are other forms of intimacy between you?
How is having a child affecting her and your overall energy levels?
I’d recommend reading together the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. Discuss as you read.
Also, having a child can sometimes make permanent changes in a woman’s hormones. Start with the assumption that that is not what’s happening and use the book and other resources to improve overall intimacy. If you both make those efforts and she just doesn’t seem to feel any different she may want to see a doctor and have physical/hormonal possibilities checked.