Hello, I’m 21 and I’m over a year Into my first serious relationship in which my partner has moved in with me. I’m currently struggling to find time for myself. All the quality (and yes, Quality, not Quantity) time doesn’t let me redeem some time to myself. I’m quite anti-social/introverted and self reserves. Constant socialising exhausts me out but I’m struggling in aiding my partner understand my desire for personal space.
I used to go to the gym and play games with friends online, as well as a lot of more occasional hobbies like airsofting, skating and more niche hobbies all the time almost every day, but she doesn’t share the same interests and isn’t very active, which in itself isn’t an issue, however, it becomes an issue when I want to do some of my hobbies but she’s in constant need for undivided attention.
So how do you guys manage to find some time for yourselves?
29 comments
She takes forever to text back.
I play computer games mostly and I manage this by staying up late at night after the family goes to bed. I get about 5 hours of sleep a night.
I carve it out for myself when the ebb & flow of my family doesn’t allow it. By that, I mean I tell my people to please go away for a bit, I need some personal time now. It’s a language we’ve come to develop among ourselves, well refined among the Covid years.
Gotta set those boundaries. A healthy relationship will have us time and me time.
communication and compromise yo.
each party deserves time apart.
You still go do those hobbies. But you have to cut them back.
If she really can’t be away from you for a few of hours. That’s a major problem.
We communicate our needs. She likes to spend a lot of time together and I enjoy it as well but in the evening after we’ve eaten and spent some time watching tv we go our separate ways. I’ll usually play video games and talk to friends online, she’ll call her friends or surf the internet. And sometimes I’m away for too long and she says she wants to spend more time together and we work something out. A relationship is not meant to remove everything from your life in favour of only being around your partner. You need separate lives.
This was a common problem early in my relationship. My wife did not have many female friends, and not a lot of hobbies.
I would just communicate with her. I think its important for a healthy relationship for each party to have their own friends and own activities to get that time apart.
Yeah mu first relationship fuked me up just like this. Focus on finding time for you at any cost. 3 weeks is necessary to form a new habbit and before you know it you’ll stop doing the stuff you like doing. You’ll become a shell of a man and look at yourself in the mirror wondering “where did it all go wrong?”
You said it yourself…. your woman is in constant need of attention. Mine isn’t, she has her life, socializing and friends, I have my shop and tools and toys.
You figure out exactly what you need and how you need to recharge you battery, then communicate that to you partner. Her needs don’t override your own.
Your girl needs hobbies other than you. Go do your thing, if she can’t handle it that’s on her.
You stand up and say, hey, going out and enjoy my hobbies and to blow off steam. See you when I get back.
You just do… everyone needs their own thing. I’m introverted and hate socializing so I stay home. Hubby goes wherever he wants and I don’t care. As long as he spends time with the kids and me daily he’s free to do what he wants as am I.
He goes outside and works on his car. He games whenever he wants. Every Friday night he goes to my BIL(my sisters husband) house and they smoke a joint and play darts, or they go skateboarding. Saturday afternoons he plays guitar with my BIL. Friday and Saturday nights after a couple hours with me he stays up till 2-3am gaming online with friends. Occasionally goes kayaking with another friend when it’s nice out.
Tell her you love her but you need time to yourself and it’s not healthy to spend 100% of your free time together.
I’m struggling with this topic for quite a while now, I’m also 21 and basically in the same situation. I just told her, that I want to have some days of the week just for myself and for my hobbies etc.
Worked for roughly half a year before I started to notice how much she hates me having my own time and enjoying it, which is something I don’t understand at all. I’ve stated, very clearly, that a relationship shouldn’t hold neither one of us back from doing what he or she wants or likes to do. Anyway through friends I heard, that she wants to leave me soon because there’s no reason for her to stay in a relationship where you don’t see each other every single day.
Nevertheless, you should just talk about it, becuase otherwise you’ll become somebody you’re not. I like being in a relationship, but if this relationship changes me in a way of becoming someone I never wanted to be, than maybe it’s a relationship with the wrong person, as hard as it sounds.
Part of this process is figuring out what you need. If you’ve never had to do it, you probably don’t know.
When my then-girlfriend moved in with me, I started waking up about 30-60 minutes before her so I could have the living room to myself while I drank my coffee and prepared for the day. That helped a lot.
Maybe start by picking 1 or 2 activities a week that you can go to without your gf.
My ex sounds exactly like your girlfriend, I had to break up with her. It was the best thing I’ve done in a long time. im back in the gym because theres no one to complain I’m not there, I eat healthier because I dont have someone eating my prepped meals and not replacing them, I have time to play guitar or video games without her making me feel bad about it. It’s a bit more lonely, but I get to spend time with my freinds 100× more which fills the hole she left fairly well. Really I just got rid of the leech, and now i am free to be the person I always knew I could be.
With regards to a relationship? Set boundaries or bounce.
With kids? You’re basically fucked for a good 5 to 10 years until they’re more independent/in school. Or also bounce I guess ha.
Dude, get out. You are under no obligation to sacrifice your happiness for someone else’s.
Had two marriages like that.
My wife and I are quite like you. Except we both believe in personal autonomy. If there is something I want to do and she doesn’t, she says have fun and I do the same. I’m really easy going though as well. I do things with her that she likes but I’m indifferent to. I went with her to see a Keith urban concert. I invited her to Rammstein but she doesn’t like them(or anything heavy) I’m still going. Kickboxing, dirt biking, fishing, video games are all things I still do. I just don’t spend all the hours doing them.
Wife gets up for work at 5am so she goes to bed at 9pm. I’m a night owl so I’m up till 12/12:30. All the alone time I need.
You don’t. And it only gets worse if you get married, have kids, buy a house, etc. Basically you just try not to die before you can retire and hopefully have a bit of energy left to pick up a hobby.
We both have jobs.
I’m selfish …either deals with it or I bounce makes no difference to me …I’d rather do what I want than to do something I don’t.
Dump her. A woman that won’t let you have some time to yourself and needs constant attention will drag you down to where you are just hating life. And she will probably cheat on you.
U need to say no to her more. Boundaries. If not she’ll lose respect for u & leave u anywsy
This is very difficult and especially so if you don’t start with this off the bat, but you have to express to her that you need more time alone and you have to follow through with it so that she sees you becoming happier and a better person and partner because of it.
It’s important during the conversation that you contextualize it such that you aren’t making her feel like you want “less of her”, you just need more of your own time.
And don’t say you need more “freedom” because it will be very easy for someone to take that to mean that you’re implying that they’re suffocating you or somehow controlling you!
Just work up the guts to tell her you need more time alone. Be strong about it, but present it with a light touch.
Good luck, this shit is some of the hardest stuff in life
You have to be somewhat selfish and make time. She’ ll understand because she needs her time too.
I just do my normal shit. She’s there to compliment, not to complicate