What you’re about to read is a vapid issue and I know there are way bigger problems in the world right now. I realize what I am writing is privilege as heck because it’s so dumb and insignificant in the grand scheme of things within all that is occurring on this Pale Blue Dot (Earth). I am seeking online validation, but I also appreciate and welcome constructive critisicm. Thank you for reading.
My [F29] boyfriend [M53] made a video compilation to post on social media that included a video of our female friends in bikinis “sexy dancing” to the camera (a video they posted to their social media that he screen recorded) — I was not in the video compilation at all, and my feelings are hurt and I feel embarrassed and super disrespected.
The video was basically a compilation of some of the moments he was out and about partying or having fun with friends including pictures and videos of him partying at different day clubs, on boats, him on boats surrounded by tons of girls in very skimpy bikinis, and a video of girls we both know in bikinis sexy dancing to the camera. He is my boyfriend of two years, and I was surprised I was not featured in this video at all because we have had many moments caught on video together. However, we’re not on good terms right now, but when I saw he posted this it was a huge slap in the face.
The video of the three girls sexy dancing was something they posted to their social media and I taught him how to screen record a couple weeks ago, so I guess he screen recorded their video and included it in his video montage. The effort he went in to get that video itself is so cringe and I’m embarrassed by that. I’m not too bothered by the girls themselves because I know them and we’re all
friends, I am upset and embarrassed by being so blatantly left out and disrespected. They’re younger than me, maybe by 5 years so they’re around 24. My boyfriend can think they’re hot because I agree yeah, they are, but why screen record a video of them dancing and post it in a video montage for his good time reel? Without a single photo or video of your girlfriend? I find it so cringe and embarrassing and disrespectful and I know I keep reusing those words but they’re perfect to describe how I feel.
For the record, I have a great relationship with my parents and my mom and dad know my boyfriend well and like him. I don’t have daddy issues. I dated guys my age and younger, thirties, forties, and I thought my now boyfriend was in his 40s when we met but I was shocked to learn his real age. I appreciate his intellect and his maturity (to some extent clearly) and we get along great. Anyone who meets us doesn’t think the age difference is weird because it makes sense when you get to know us. My boyfriend is a very successful man with a very, very prestigious career — he’s essentially the top of the food chain where he works. I am coming to believe that because his youth was spent studying, he hasn’t really lived his life to the fullest and perhaps he wants to make up for lost time…?
We are currently fighting at the moment, as I mentioned, and actually
haven’t spoken in a few days which is a first since we’re in constant communication, so that is probably why he decided to create this video and post it. He’ll post to his Instagram maybe once every few months and I personally haven’t posted to my Instagram since 2019 or something. I don’t take social media all that seriously, but I am hurt by this and I feel dumb admitting it.
We go to strip clubs together, we go on boats and to day clubs together, and when I see a beautiful woman or a good looking couple or a super nice ass out in public I’ll get his attention to look at it because who doesn’t like appreciating one. Idk it’s like, “hey check out her butt”, because credit given when credit due. For real butts I mean. I’m not insecure (for the most part) and I’m not intimidated by anyone, girl or guy.
I live in Cabo and Scottsdale and we’re always surrounded by beautiful women in bikinis and it doesn’t bother me nor am I jealous. If anything, I am checking out girls too even though I’m straight. I love seeing bikinis and style and hair style and makeup and bodies and everything about girls, we’re so fun to look at and admire!
Anyways what I’m getting at is: we are trusting of each other and have a relationship where we’re comfortable with one another.
I’m trying hard to get him to speak to me again and work out our relationship. I recently baked him a cake for his upcoming birthday and decorated it and baked him his favorite dessert and decorated that too in preparation for his arrival. I sent him
Pictures of both desserts and he didn’t seem all that enthused. But then he posted this video and I feel dumb and embarrassed.
Any advice is appreciated. There is a war going on and chaos in the world but I appreciate you helping some dumb chick on Reddit by offering any words, good or bad. Thanks.
TL;dr: I feel hurt my boyfriend of 2 years posted a video montage of him and his recent good times partying and finished it with a video of girls we are friends with “sexy dancing” in bikinis to the camera, while I was not featured in this video at all.
EDIT: I am wrong about the video being screen recorded. One of the girls posted it on their story and tagged my boyfriend. Him and I were not dating at the time. We only started dating a month or so after this video was taken of these girls. He did not screen record it. Because they tagged him, he could repost it to his Instagram story and therefore the video is saved on his phone.
12 comments
Why aren’t you two talking? If you can’t talk to somebody about a problem in the relationship and work through it together, are you even in a relationship with them? It sounds like you two are currently on a break and not actually together. If he doesn’t care that you are upset and the relationship is damaged, then what is the point? And why are you trying to make him speak to you again? Did you do something horrible that you left out? That’s probably relevant.
>I’m not too bothered by the girls themselves because I know them and we’re all friends
Um sorry what. This should be a bugger issue that he’s made a sexy video of your *friends*. Not even strangers. Would they be happy with this? Agree to this?
Jesus OP, as soon as I read the title I knew that this was going to be a dumpster fire. You say he is smart and mature, but here you are, with a 54yo guy who is passive agressively making compilation videos of his friends in bikinis (seriously, what the actual fuck? Even a 13yo kid knows that thats just plain weird and creepy), and not talking to you because he is throwing a hissy fit for DAYS. Yeah, real mature.
Essentially you are dating someone your dad’s age who is acting like he was old enough to be son. I guess it kinda evens out then. Anyway, do with this information what you will.
There’s so much wrong with all of this, but he’s 54 and posting videos of half naked 24 year olds on social media possibly without their consent. And making it appear he’s single. And dating someone 26 years younger than him. Every single things you’ve posted about him makes him seem gross already. And then on top of that you’re in an argument and he’s not talking to you, but posting videos on social media randomly that make him appear single and surrounded by young hot women and partying all the time. And you think he partially did that because y’all aren’t talking. Plus you make a point to mention how much of a cool girlfriend you are about not getting jealous and being able to point out young hot girls to your older boyfriend to ogle in public….which isn’t a good thing or expected. This seems to be making you uncomfortable because it’s all around weird and disrespectful. And the fact that you feel like you need to justify and analyze why it’s upsetting you and get the internet’s validation instead of trusting your instincts is a bit odd. Are your feelings and reactions to things usually questioned?
You mean your father didn’t include you in his disgusting dirty old man voyeurism video?
OP – this man is old enough to be your father and the fact he’s even making this type of video speaks volumes about his maturity. He’s way too old for you and this childishness. Also- maybe you’re not as mature as you think if you’re dating someone this old and missing red flags about their level of maturity.
You seem very sweet and authentic and I‘m annoyed for you. But also this would be a no go for me anyways, and I would say fuck him, but y‘all seem to have a more lax approach anyways.
I don’t know what your current issue is that you’re having and it seems like he’s pissed at you somehow, but him not properly responding to your messages with the cake and posting this video seems like he doesn’t care for your mental wellbeing and your feeling of safety, really.
Are both of you pretty petty usually and is this the first time he’s done something like this solely to piss you off? Cause this is sooo immature and unproductive how he’s acting. He doesn’t seem interested in resolving the issue with you and kinda really wants to see you suffer right now.
Spending so much time at clubs, traveling, boating, and resorts surrounded by bikini babes implies he is either some kind influencer/media person or more likely a trashy rich guy. He is just gonna move on to the next foolish cute young thang with stars in her eyes. He seems dreadfully immature. Speaking of immature are you a bit old to be falling for this?
The War with Grandpa (2022)
That age gap is a very big issue here. Try to find someone your own age.
I feel tired reading this, so many mental gymnastics going on here.
The way you describe him makes him sound like a status gathering self obsessed person. He’s a big deal at work, he posts pictures of his hot young female friends who are literally half his age as a boast – he doesn’t need to post about having a massively younger Girlfriend because I’m sure he talks about it all the time.
He doesn’t listen to your opinion of housing furnishing choices even though you know better… because he doesn’t value your opinion over his own.
Some other things… you sound bisexual. Which is totally fine. I’m not sure if you know that! If you aren’t sexually attracted to women then you’ve been conditioned to assess women’s bodies way more than is normal.
You don’t have to have daddy issues to date an older man, you may have issues with self esteem, power and respect though.
All these thoughts are the ones whirling through my head when I say to you why are spending time with this person? I can’t see anything here about how he does things for you, to make you feel important, special or his peer.
My dear, my heart goes out to you, sincerely. I can understand your feelings and it sounds very frustrating and his behavior is cringeworthy. I think the problem started long ago though, and what you’re experiencing is a symptom of expectations set in place at the start of the relationship, or expectations what we’re understood as the relationship progressed. Dating an older, successful guy is understandably appealing if you two have a genuine connection as well, so I’m not going to judge you. It’s not typical maybe, but it is much more typical for very successful middle aged men and very very beautiful and also typically intelligent younger women to pair up, it’s just biology and how we sexually select on a hierarchical scale based on competence and what we find attractive, socially or otherwise. I’m also not saying it’s normal or standard, or that it’s abnormal for people who are high on the attractiveness and competence ladder to pair up with people of a similar age. All that aside, I think the issue is how he sees you in the relationship. When you were starting to date, did you have a framework in mind that you communicated to him about what you’re looking for? For example, did you speel out (nicely, gently but clearly in the course of normal conversations of people getting to know each other) anything about what makes you feel respecte or disrespected, what makes you feel special and wanted versus discarded or unappreciated, or that you’d like to be a wife one day for the right man (if that’s what you’d want of course)? Once you start being intimate without clear expectations and guidelines for what that means, it’s not unreasonable for a man to conclude you don’t have certain expectations for their conduct, otherwise you wouldn’t make yourself intimately available without certain conditions being met. I know I’m going to sound a bit like an old school prude, but I’m not telling you to use sex as some kind of weapon, I’m not. It’s a horrible idea to do that in fact. What I’m saying is that setting expectations in the beginning for what intimacy means to you, what a relationship means and what you’re looking for and want to feel, all that is crucial to how a man respects you. He may not know that this would make you upset, or care much, honestly. And regardless of personal preferences for relationship standards, a man who posts dancing videos of young women in bikinis is filling a social approval validation void by gloating. Would you really want to be part of that spectacle he’s recording and sharing, like an object through which he’s showing the world how he’s able to sexually collect, essentially, ladies’ attention and presence? If he values you, he’d protect you and respect you. It just seems to me he doesn’t see you as someone he would defend and respect like wife material, in my perspective. It’s not too late to tell him those expectations and standards of course. But it’s much harder to enforce them when it will seem like an all of a sudden change. It might spell the end of a relationship if he doesn’t want to give you the respect you’d want from a man you’re in a relationship with. It’s not something you can force, you can make it a standard for yourself and if he doesn’t meet it you can hold your head high and find a man who would respect you enough.
lmao the commenters are mad asf.
I’m happy for your man looks like he knows what he wants and obviously gets what he wants.
you’re dating an actual rich man and he’s living his best life. Trust me, every man wants to have the options he has in his 50s. That’s admirable there’s still men with a set of balls who actually follow through with what they genuinely want despite the judgements of the people around.