I’m in a long distance relationship with my gf of 7 months. We live in different countries with an ocean between us. We just spent a week together in her country and had a blast. When I returned we decided to have a talk about closing the gap and living in the same city. We had the talk and I decided I was okay with moving to her country. We were ecstatic! Definitely elated. She was waking me up with lovely good morning texts and being super nice. Complimenting me and calling me things like “dreamy” and just being overall really affectionate. Things were great, until they weren’t…

After a week or two she suddenly sent me a text when I was busy at work saying “I think the distance is getting to me today.”

Okay, I completely understand, I get the same way sometimes but I usually process it as missing her. It’s a long distance relationship, it happens. But talking through it with her usually makes me feel better. So she took a little while to respond and followed up with, “I’m also lonely. But I’m noticing the loneliness abates or at least has underlying hope when i let myself notice cute dogs and couples and friends walking along the street.”

This seems good right? But it also sounds like she is having doubts maybe? Either way, in an immediate follow up text she asked for space and a night alone.

No problem, I said take the time you need, I’ll be here for you whenever you’re back. Goodnight. Kiss/heart emoji. She sends goodnight and kiss/heart emojis back.

That feels normal. Then she sends me a video a few hours later. And I ask her a question about it. To which I got no response.. But instead, about 6 hours later when she woke up, a picture of her outfit for work, which was really cute and a reference to a song we both enjoy, an inside joke revolving around a particular outfit I adore on her. But no good morning, no response to my question, and nothing about how she’s feeling.

And that’s it. I know it has been less than 24 hours since she mentioned she was feeling the distance and lonely. But I was kind of anxious about it and worried because it feels like the start of an emotionally cold period from her. She tends to operate in this cycle and it’s a little draining when she seems to be less optimistic and excited to be in a relationship with me when I worried about figuring out how to move there.

I just am confused when she says she’s lonely, then needs space, and then sends me videos but doesn’t respond to my questions about them. I was worried when she said she needed the night.

I just wish I could hear her elaborate and share these things with me so I wouldn’t have to worry or wonder what’s going through her mind.

There are several other things at play that worry me. I could really use someone to talk to. I’m trying to control my anxiety but it’s been tough when she seems a little distant and very suddenly needing space. It makes me wonder if there’s something going on or if I do something that pushes her away.

Am I asking too much to be included in her feelings when she seems to pull back a bit?

Td;lr: gf occasionally gets into periods of behavior that’s noticeably different, and sometimes cold/confusing/vague. How can I turn off my anxiety/interpret this cycle?

1 comment
  1. Nothing she’s saying there sounds cold to me, just that she meant what she said and she was missing you and struggling. It’s easy to overthink messages when that’s all you have. It looks like everything is moving forward.

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