For context, she identifies as being asexual. Now I’m fully aware that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a sex drive… But I’m supposing that being asexual would mean perhaps she did not have an emotionally strong enough bond with her exes to eventually warrant physical attraction? Forgive me, if I’m wrong about that. I’m so ignorant to this as things stand as I’ve never dated somebody who is asexual.
She really likes me and I really like her and I really feel this could be a very special thing. But, is there anything I should know about dating somebody who is asexual? Any pointers? Any blindsides? Any points of intolerance that I’m unaware of?
Like I really feel that surely physical attraction has to play a factor in all this at some point… Maybe I’m wrong, but I must admit that I’m poorly versed when it comes to sexual preferences that generally go beyond *”the norm”* for want of a better term.. I’m open to all of these ways of being, but I also won’t pretend like I have much of an insight as to how I can navigate a relationship with somebody who is this way inclined.
She really appreciates that I’m always emotionally available to her – which I would imagine is a pretty potent plus given the context (?) – but I so want this to work with her because I’ve really caught feelings and I just would like some tips, if there ARE any tips worth gathering.
Please don’t hate on me if I haven’t phrased something properly in the above text. I’m just a generic dude who is new to this.
3 comments
The asexual people I’ve known have wanted nonsexual relationships. Anything sexual was off the table for them because they literally had NO desire for it, no matter how deep their bond was with their partner. How would you feel about being in a relationship like that?
Asexuals don’t feel SEXUAL attraction ever. They don’t ever see someone or hang out with someone and go like: “oh they are so hot, I am really craving to do the thing with them.” and they won’t ever fantasize about doing sexual things with a person they are into.
There are three different types of asexuals:
-SEX-REPULSED: dislikes sex and wants to never have sex
-SEX-INDIFFERENT: is okay with sex sometimes because making their partner happy makes them happy, think of an hobby, that a friend has, that you don’t have much interest in, but don’t hate, if they ask you to do the hobby with them, you might say yes if you are in the right mood and enjoy it, because you like spending time with them or you like seeing how passionate they are about it or happy they look when they do it or speak about
-SEX-FAVORABLE: likes sex and might even initiate occasionally, often they like it because it makes them feel close to the other person or they like physical aspect of it
Asexuals can still feel ROMANTIC attraction!! Means that they desire a relationship and mostly also cuddles, kisses, sometimes even foreplay excluding genitals. It varies a bit from person to person.
COMMUNICATION is the most important thing. It is important that you both clearly state your boundaries and try to make a compromise based on it. It might be helpful to if each of you do a list of romantic and sexual things and categorize them into things I really like, things I am okay with, things I dislike, etc.
It is possible to have a fulfilling relationship with an asexual person, the most important part is really TALKING to each other.
I don’t know much about asexuality (almost nothing, really 🤪), but I WILL say that sexual compatibility is SUPER important in a relationship. Not to say all relationships need to have a LOT (or any 🤷♀️) sex, but if one of you wants a lot and the other wants little/none, you’re relationship is going to suffer. It probably NOT insurmountable, but it’s hard. 😕