I’m (F19) questioning is my GF (F20) is asexual/not gay
I have been dating my GF for nearly a year, and she has never come while having sex. We have tried clitoral stimulation, oral, penetration, and vibrators to no avail.
She has expressed to me that she thought kissing was gross when we first started dating and that guys were much better kissers (she has only kissed one guy).
We are each other’s first sexual relationship. She will get turned on, very slowly, and loves giving me oral. But, she does not like to be touched. She will have negative and strong physical reactions when I touch her sexually even when she expresses that she wants me to touch her and she is wet/turned on.
She only likes to be fingered.
I have asked her multiple times what is going on. She explains to me that she will get turned on, but once we start actually having sex she gets really turned off and physical touch feels painful and bad.
She once said that at the beginning of our relationship sex felt like “pure torture”. And went on to explain how kissing grosses her out sometimes. I have a much higher sex drive, but she masturbates a lot. She watches straight porn as well.
I really don’t know how to move forward because it has taken a toll on my confidence and I don’t know how to not feel insecure. I really think she could not be gay or maybe she is asexual. What do ya’ll think/suggest?
TD;LR my gf may be asexual or not a lesbian and i do not know how to move forward
3 comments
I think you two are sexually incompatible. I am not gong to try to guess her sexuality beyond that, because it’s too hard to know and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is, she isn’t into you. She gets turned off by you. And “not you” is as much as you need to know to know you’re not sexually compatible.
I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but someone that says sex with you is “pure torture” is not someone you should be with and also it’s a PAINFULLY CLEAR indication that they are not sexually into you. You’re either okay with abstaining from sex for the rest of your life or you’re not. But I wouldn’t continue trying to have sex with my partner if they said that to me.
hey, im also a lesbian & it sounds like your gf is maybe a stone top? i don’t know too much abt stone sexual identities since I’m not stone and have never been w anyone who is but maybe look it up and see if its familiar 🙂
it might also be helpful to like reframe the way u guys think about sex. i don’t come during sex bc of mental/emotional reasons, i prefer to “give” rather than receive during sex, receiving penetration feels awful/”like torture” to me. I used to feel terrible & guilty abt it and lots of pressure to let partners “try” things I didn’t like to “help” me. but my gf helped me understand that the idea of sex = penetration = orgasm is a very heterosexual/cis vibe! sex can happen all kinds of ways and it doesn’t have to follow a specific pattern! so now we have an amazing sex life without my boundaries being pushed 🙂 obvs it doesn’t mean u have an obligation be with someone with these sexual boundaries if u don’t feel fulfilled, I was just lucky to find someone compatible. but it was like a revelation to me!