What do you say when someone tells you about a tragedy in their life?

11 comments

1. “And I care, why?”

2. I am sorry you had to go threw that, can I help in any way?

3. I lost my first wife when we were young. I got tired of hearing, “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “You have my condolences.” Those are just platitudes that are meaningless. I mean, does anyone know what condolences outside of death are. Does anyone know how to condole any more??? Quite honestly, just a simple, “I’m sorry,” I was fine with. Or, “I’m sorry to hear that,” was also fine. But you know……tone goes a long way, too.

4. I acknowledge the pain they would feel, I can’t fix it and I can’t make them feel better. But I can make them feel like their emotions are accepted and normal

5. I feel you dude.

6. I try to listen, and offer support and empathy. Sometimes I’ll relate something similar I’ve been through to make them know that they are not alone. But if I have never been through anything similar, I just listen and offer my support.

7. I say the appropriate words, then buy them a beer (coke if they’re into carbonated drinks), then give them a hug. We don’t always have to have a say on things. Just the presence and the actions to show that you care, and you’re there for them is enough.

8. Don’t offer platitudes. I get that people default to them when they don’t know what to say, but it never really helps the other person and usually just feels disingenuous. Just listen and suffer with them. Feel what they are feeling. This is the literal definition of “compassion”, you suffer with them. And they will see that, and not feel so alone.

9. Often it’s something that’s on someone’s mind and they just want to express it to someone. They’re not looking for you to do anything, they want someone to hear that something is bothering them. You just have to agree and be sympathetic.

10. Make soothing noises and nod.

11. Emotionally I’m a brick wall and I have no idea how to comfort people. This has been especially hard in my relationship. I just…can’t comfort. It’s not as if I don’t *want* to, but I just lack the ability. I don’t know what causes this.