honestly I don’t really care if he sees this cause he knows he fucked up.
my (21f) bf (20m) and I have been dating for about three months now. things were all well and honestly he’s pretty sweet and I thought we morally agreed on virtually anything important. he’s actually never really had a real relationship, his body count is two including me, so he’s not very “experienced.” once I asked him if he’s ever sent nudes, to which he replied “no.” long story short he was driving and basically asked me to reply to a message and I hit the camera tab and in his most recent photos were dick pics and a girl giving a blowjob. I immediately turn to him and ask what that is and he tries to brush it off as “I was gonna send those to you later,” but I wasn’t born yesterday and that doesn’t explain the girl giving a bj and asked him to tell me the truth. mind you he’s sent me ONE dick pic before because I had already sent him a few NSFW images myself, and the first time we tried to have sex he couldn’t stay hard and it was something we struggled with at first. you can see where this is going. apparently he has a porn addiction and sends dick pics and porn to group chats to jack off to. now this IS a problem for me and I don’t like my partners watching porn, it’s a boundary that I thought I had set but maybe not as clearly as I thought, as I hate telling people not to do something. anyway, I immediately felt disgusted and nauseous. I felt decieved. when we first met, I had asked him if he had any weird likes or kinks, if there was something he was into to please share it with me as I think it’s important to know before starting a real relationship. he didn’t tell me. I found out. he wouldn’t have said anything. he explained that he never really thought about it or viewed it as cheating. he got really upset, and I just asked to be dropped off at home. later I called him to listen to what he had to say and he said he really regrets it and that he’s tried to quit before but wasn’t able to. he said he actually told his mom about it and that he wants to get help. I mean I think that’s great and all but how can I trust his honesty? what else could he be lying about, it’s a big thing to lie about, atleast to me. these group chats have real people in them, it’s another person you’re sharing intimacy with. I just don’t know how to feel. does anyone with experience with porn addiction/partners with one have any advice? I’m not sure how to work though it or if I can. thank you
3 comments
I think the trust issue and deceit is more alarming than porn addiction. Its hard to rebuild that trust. As far as the porn addiction, there are reaources to help but be wary as weirdly some extreme political groups are behind some so it might be some social indoctrination as well. Most importantly he has to want to change and if he isnt willing to or says yes but takes no steps then he never will, so if you can get past him hiding this from you, you still need to set some clear standards you expect.
Yeah he lied to you and hes basically cheating on you by exchanging nudes with other people. Unless he gets professional help he will most likely stay this way. And even if he does get help he’s likely a year out until he’s watching porn at a normal amount and not chatting up strangers with pictures of his peen. If you’re a few months in I’d say cut your losses and find someone faithful
I want to cry. I am basically in the same exact situation as you. I recently found out my boyfriend of 4.5 years has been posting nudes to Reddit occasionally for the past 3 years. After talking with him about it it was clear that he felt horrible and disgusted with himself but that it’s an actual issue that he is struggling to control. I’m working on forgiving and trying to help stop the addiction but I’m not sure if it’ll be enough. I know this didn’t really help but just know you’re not alone.