I’m reading many comments here that most men don’t get a lot of compliments and that it really makes them happy to hear one. I would like to compliment guys if there’s a genuine reason for a compliment in my mind, but I’m worried it will be weird/they think I want to be more than friends. So, what is a good way to compliment a guy so that he understands it as just friendliness?
Edit: Oh, forgot to mention, I’m a woman.
26 comments
I think it depends on the man, some have very fragile masculinities. I personally wouldn’t think a man complimenting me is flirting with me tbh, I appreciate any compliments I can get lol
Just compliment him if you want to, you can’t really affect on his reaction
We shouldn’t *have* to clarify this, but just establish that you’re just giving a platonic compliment
End the complement with the word “bro”, that’ll keep him in the correct zone.
Usually say something innocuous like
hey cool Oakleys
Is that a new vineyard vines polo? Niceee
Those pants are cool they really accentuate your buldge
Big gulp huh, anyway
I just compliment people. If they think I’m flirting it’s on them.
A big thing for me would be if you do that to other friends too. Like, if I know a girl friend of mine likes to give compliments, I will never take just that as flirting. Though I’ll add that I think if you’re already established friends, they likely wouldn’t think of it as flirting anyway
They way we do it in our group is by being aggressive AF when complimenting them.
“nice hat you dumb shit!”
“Have you lost weight? I mean obviously not in the nose but everywhere else?”
End it with dude, bro, homes, mate, cunt. They want have a thought about how you see them. Nice shoes you got there, (dude, bro, homie, mate, cunt)
I think there’s a reason why women don’t do it. It’s because men WANT it to be flirting. So I don’t think there’s any easy away around it. You just have to take that risk.
I think the best place to start is to compliment him with your trust, and see what his response is.
A great compliment is to share your experiences with him. Men don’t just want compliments, they want emotional intimacy. But many don’t realize that friendships are intimacy, and they do the shortcut of looking for physical intimacy instead. So, talk with him about the experiences women go through because men don’t see women as people first, but as targets for relationships or for fucking.
Share the misogynistic experiences your friends experience, maybe even the scary or harmful behavior, and ask him if he has ever seen other guys do that.
If he honors you as a friend by listening to you with empathy and treating your experiences as important (not dismissing them or negating them or you), then you can compliment him as a good listener and a good friend.
If he shuts you down or doubts your fears or your experiences, or go to the “not-all-men” response, he is not worthy of compliments.
If you have a legitimate compliment, then let it fly! Just be genuine. If they read into more than that, it’s THEIR issue not yours.
I think most guys are trained to write off compliments as just being nice these days, to the point that even intentionally flirty compliments aren’t taken that way.
I will say the nicest way a woman I was a little interested in preemptively let me down gently was to say “you’d be perfect for my friend”. Or alternatively you could say “you deserve to find someone good”. Just letting the guy know you don’t see yourself as an option for them while not killing their self esteem lol. That’s if the guy you want to compliment is someone you see a lot and want to remain friends.
Compliment them on the choice or the action, not just the obvious thing. Flirting is just surface attention.
That’s a great outfit, how did you put it together?
Damn, your sales numbers were impressive this month, did you change strategies?
That becomes a conversation, not just a hit and run. You are a friend not a target.
Plus, you actually show interest in your friend, better than just some passing comment.
Tell him to do a certain thing more so then girls will recognize him. He will take it as you helping him to do the thing by recognizing a desirable trait
Compliment + homie
Say ‘no homo but…’ before you compliment him
Adding that ‘bro, dude, mate’ qualifier takes it back into the friendzone of interpretation and dont touch him when saying it. Make sure it is a consistent behavior too so it seems normal. If you have group of friends, share the compliments around when warranted.
Be not attractive.
If you have to compliment clothes, it’s “that’s a nice x”, not “you look good in x”.
Any compliment could be misconstrued for flirting with some guys, but most guys will just appreciate a compliment and not think anything more than that
The same way I compliment women
(flashing wedding ring) Not macking on you, but nice car.
Your mistake is in trying to break the mold. It’s true that men don’t get a lot of compliments, and it’s true that those compliments tend to be impactful, but that’s because they only come for good reason (usually).
So: if some guy does a thing well, you can praise him for it without it being misconstrued. “Good job,” you might say, and give him a thumbs up. No problems, no misinterpretations. He knows why you complimented him, and it feels good.
If he’s not doing anything and out of the blue you say something nice about him, then that’s ripe for misinterpretation. Especially if it’s something about his appearance or other sexually desirable trait. Even if you add “bro” at the end, as other people have suggested.
I’ll add another word of warning here: it’s not always about misinterpretation. If you’re nice to him, even if it’s clear that you’re not flirting and that you’re being nice for entirely nonsexual reasons, he may come to like you. Not because he’s gotten the wrong impression, but because you’re nice and that’s attractive. So this can result in a similar problem, even if you do everything right.
Don’t compliment anything if you don’t wanna be mistaken
You want to clarify the position you are coming from?
“As your/a friend, I think you look great.”
Simple and upfront. Any qualms the recipient has could most likely reveal intentions.
Use your matter of fact voice and expression.