I’m not sure if I phrased it correctly, but here in my country we have a saying that goes: “your rights end when the other person rights begin”. Of course it’s flawed, but I feel very lost in this frontier in the past months
So, how does one make choices in the emotional sphere without being punished by guilt/remorse/self pity?
I don’t have a lot of love experience, and I just came out of a 4y abusive relationship, so I believe a simpler one would be “IWTL how to differ when to give up my stuff to help/spare others VS when to stand my ground despite hurting others”.
If this is not the correct place for this post, please just let me know and I’ll delete it.
2 comments
I’m interested to learn this as well, unfortunately I’m not able to give you an answer as I struggle with it myself. A lot of discussions I have I feel I’m standing my ground because I’d feel like I’m a pushover if I bend to the will of the other person. Though I realise this is ego preventing me from just saying “you’re right” or something similar even when I know/feel they aren’t right. Even when I love or respect the other person I struggle with it, so I feel it’s a “me”-problem.
I think a good therapist can help you learn this things and work on yourself, on your boundaries, emotional maturity etc.
This is waaaay above reddit paygrade…
>how to differ when to give up my stuff to help/spare others VS when to stand my ground despite hurting others
In general, you should learn to prioritize yourself above all (in a good way) and respect your limits/boundaries, to speak up and say what YOU want and are comfortable with. Establish limits and boundaries. Do this without giving up helping others but in doing so you should not destroy or belittle yourself.
Also, depends how you hurt others by standing your ground. Do you hurt them because you are being stubborn and/or mistreating them, or because you are making them see their faults and/or because you are nor that submissive anymore?
Again, I’m not a therapist and this is just the semplification of a general discourse. The only person who can help you understand how you can do it is a therapist, one that makes you reeeally work on yourself (even assigning you tasks to do and things to write).
Please don’t stop at the 1st one if you feel like you are in stasis or at some point you aren’t progressing anymore.
I am at my 6th (7th if you count the 4 encounters with the school counselor) and finally she is the tight therapist, at the right time and with the right method for me.