Hi All, I had been dating a woman/situationship for 7-8 months – I met her friends, some of her family, slept over at hers, many times etc. it was getting pretty serious
we both got busy over December and New Years
Communication over the last 6 weeks has been more so non-existent.
I reached out to catch up at the start of Jan after New Years and she was “busy etc” then a week later she still gave me the “busy” excuse again and said she “can’t commit to catching up right now”
I left the ball in her court and haven’t heard from her for 4 weeks now – she never broke it off just left me in limbo.
do I try one last time or just walk away.
It’s really eating away at me and I won’t lie I’am hurting and confused. I just want to be upfront with her and if it is done (which it is more than likely) get some closure.
30 comments
> busy
> busy
> can’t commit to catching up right now
> haven’t heard from her for 4 weeks now
I would leave it. It’s clear she’s not interested.
> get some closure
You provide yourself closure not someone else.
I personally would want to reach out by text or call to find out whats going on. Get some closure with what happened and what they’re thinking
People will put efforts if they want you to be a part of their lives. Just move on.
Keep your dignity. No answer is an answer.
I think the bigger question is how you would handle it if she randomly reaches back out to you 4-8 weeks from now.
Clearly it’s not a healthy relationship and it’s not working for you. You should make a decision to move on, and then make sure you don’t get sucked back in if she comes back to you expecting to pick things back up as if she did nothing wrong.
Her actions are very clear that things are over. You are not in limbo. Things are done.
There is nothing more you need to know. I know it’s painful but reaching out won’t change the hurt and it will probably increase the pain. She will either not respond or say what you don’t want to hear.
Hugs. Delete and block from everything. Lean on family and friends, stay busy. You will heal from this. Closure is something you give yourself. Be at peace knowing you gave things a chance. That’s all anyone can really do.
If she hasn’t made contact with you for over four weeks despite your best efforts, there are two scenarios:
1) she died
2) she doesn’t give a fuck about you
(note that even if it were scenario one, you still need to move on)
Honestly, reach out. But don’t do it to “give her a chance”, do it to confirm that you see this as hugely unkind and disrespectful, and that YOU see it as a sign that things are over.
Don’t expect a reply. Don’t even expect to see a “read” tag. This is for you, irrespective of what she does with it.
If she comes back with a big story, decide if you’re willing to really listen or if you want to cut ties anyway. She literally didn’t have time to send you a basic “here’s what’s going on”? That seems strange for the time you’ve both put in.
I don’t know her or you, the exact kind of relationship you’ve had, but this is the kind of thing that for me would be a huge problem. I don’t like having my partner make me feel optional and low-value, even if they’re busy. I certainly would expect a heads-up about busy times that impact communication significantly at the least. I might give leeway for serious tragedy, but that’s about it.
I’ve been ghosted after a few months with someone and f*ck that and them. Unless there’s safety issues, stalking, abuse etc, it’s a dick move. Almost no one deserves it.
dude its been a month move on. her actions already gave you her answer.
It’s been a MONTH. She’s moved on, and you should too!
No, do not reach out again.
She’s over it. But you can reach out, just be funny & flirty. Don’t expect anything. She’ll come to you if you’re not too needy. But is this really what you want?
If she hasn’t contacted you in 4 weeks, you got your answer. Time to move on.
Consider silence for two weeks while you read about attachment theory. If you still haven’t heard from her your study might provide insight for what you wanna do and what you want out of a relationship at all. And then if you still want, you could send her flowers and a card thanking her for the time that you spent together. You don’t have to say goodbye and you don’t have to plan for the future just send her flowers and a thank you and let it be ambiguous. She’ll either respond or not. If not start grieving And give yourself enough time before starting up with someone else
How was it getting serious if it was a situationship? You never defined the relationship so I don’t really think you’re entitled to an explanation.
I wouldn’t do anything. The ball is in her court. I’d start looking/investing myself elsewhere.
However, I’m curious whether she feels you may owe her an apology for something and is stonewalling until she gets it?
Depends. Do you want a relationship with this person? If you do I would say something like “Hey, can we talk about giving you and me a real chance? I would love for us to be in an exclusive relationship.”
I think you both waited too long without defining the relationship and this is the result.
OUCH. What a crappy way to end things with someone you’ve been seeing for months.
I’m sorry. That would really hurt my feelings too.
As for closure…I doubt she can give it to you. She won’t directly break up with you so it seems like she wants to keep you on the hook in some way.
Can you conclude that the way she is acting is super inconsiderate and not someone who want to have in your inner circle? That can be your closure.
You can also send a message saying “It sounds like you’re no longer interested in seeing me. Though I would really like to know what happened, I respect If you don’t want to talk about it. If you would like to talk about it or give me any feedback, let me know. If not, I enjoyed our time together and wish you the best.”
If you’re going to try to talk to her again, I hope it’s so you can give her a piece of your mind. Why are you waiting for her to tell you “if” it’s done?
She’s a POS human. Move on and find someone better. Sorry dude. Unfortunately there are many men&women who are like this.
I’ve beaten my head bloody on a wall trying to get closure and never have from some people. I would move on, delete the number and put a greater focus on letting the next person know how important communication is to you.
You’ve obviously made a decent effort to keep the path open and she seems to have no interest or isn’t placing you as high a priority on her life list as you are for her.
No she’s not worth any more of your time and mind space.
However if you honestly believe it’ll help you, send her a final message to serve as your closure. But do not expect much from her or expect BS. But do it purely to say your piece and move on.
If I were in your situation, I would call her to get some closure. You spent most a year together she owes you some explanation.
It might be a bit weird calling after not talking for so long, but hey might as well try. If she doesn’t answer that is your closure
I 💯 believe in living your truth and being your true authentic self. If you are feeling hurt, you can construct a text that tells her where you are at with your head and emotions and if she chooses not to reply, then you have an answer or if she does, she may actually feel accountable for her actions and take accountability and explain herself. Communication is important. I would say something because that’s a long time to be seeing someone. It’s not someone you saw a few times and just didn’t hear back.
I think if you haven’t heard from her in 4 weeks then you have your answer. She isn’t interested so I would just move on.
Walk. Start the healing don’t re-hurt yourself by forcing to hear its over. She has someone or something else.
Walk away she has left the interaction. Try not to internalize it.
The silence is the closure
Just my take on this…. super immature on her part. If she’s lost interest, or found someone else, or changed her mind, she should’ve had “the talk” with you.
Not cool on her behalf.
Sadly I have to agree with others here… hit the ball back into her court and just leave it with her. That’s all you can do.
She knows you’re keen to talk/see her, not much else you can do. If you move on and find someone else and she complains, you can say “well, when I spend weeks chasing you and you don’t respond, what do you expect??”
If anyone really wants you in their life they will come around, no matter how busy they are!!!
But who knows something may actually be happening in her life!!! This kind of situation a common friend plays a good role.
Hey, OP, I feel you – a girl that you like is ghosting you. Lets try to help you out!
Breakdown:
Ok (the good):
* you had amazing relationship
* It was getting serious
* you communicated well
Not ok (the bad and the ugly):
* She is always busy
* She apparently does not care or want to meet you
* A long time have passed – 4 weeks in dating time is an eon
Reflection:
* A lot of relationships end around the holidays. It’s a make or break period. People think about their past year, their future. She probably moved on
* She might already have another guy – it’s common for girls not to stay lonely for a long time. She might moved on dating someone else
* Situationships are not normal – people either escalate until they build a family or they move on. Your relationship had issues – either you didn’t want it or she. Either way – it was broken
* Once a girl or a guy moves on it’s pretty hard to go back to it in open sexual partner market
* Women tend to break up in a shitty way. They wont reject you outright. They will keep you hanging if they ever need you. The more you persist the less respect she has for you.
What would I do (Potential good moves):
* **Acceptance** – right now you are in the bargaining phase of the 5 stages of grief. You are past denial and anger, you need to move past bargaining and depression into acceptance. It will suck. It’s unavoidable
* **Reflect on what happened** – if she is ghosting you seems like you are lacking some of the qualities that females find attractive – intellect, kindness, good health (fit), trustworthiness, emotional balance, good socio-economic trajectory – social status, drive, ambition, hardworking, clear goals, sexy voice, preselection from other girls, leadership qualities, etc.
* **Invest in yourself** – she might be pretty cool, but she is not unique. Take your experience and grow. Make sure that the next time you have ‘situationship’ you will act more decisive and do what’s needed. Make sure that you are pretty fucking awesome yourself. Show it off to the world.
* **Handle your relationship** – level with her. She broke up. You don’t have to lose her because of that. Keep a good memory and a nice reputation. Go for something like ‘Hey, love, I see that it have been moths since we saw each-other and I get the message – you moved on. Sorry that I was not good enough, I am still found of you tho. Would it be crazy if I send you memes and write from time to time. I value our relationship’ etc.
After you open up the communication (if you do – she might not care about it) you decide how to move on. I would suggest focusing on improving your value as a mate. And put yourself in position where you won’t have to be hung up on a girl that neglects you, king 😉
Good luck, have fun and tell us how it went!