Hey guys, just a random post, but my head is so confused right now.
I have a close friend of more than 15 years, and when I say close, I mean we would text or ring everyday, see each other most weekends, have nights out, I would also babysit for her if she was stuck for a baby sitter etc.
Anyway, just over 2 years ago (before covid) my friend started getting very distance with me. Our contact together was getting less and less, and at first I put it down to just ‘life gets in the way sometimes’, and then covid and lockdowns happened and I literally barely saw her as she is a nurse foe the NHS and was understandably busy.
However, as covid rules were relaxed more and more and as time went on, I was getting the impression that my friend just didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. I would see on her Instagram when she was out having drinks with some of her mates from work which use to annoy me as I was struggling to even get a text back off her.
Fast forward to 2021 and she was invited to a birthday picnic that I organised, and she told me she was coming, but didn’t turn up. No message, nothing. This really annoyed me, but I still gave her the benefit of the doubt because I always try to see the coin from both sides.
Fast forward to 2022 (today), its her birthday on Monday, and I’ve just seen on her Instagram that she is out with friends (some similar friends we have) having drinks and celebrations, and I clearly havent been invited.
We’ve never had an argument, and as far as I know I’ve never done or said anything that would annoy her.
For the last 2 years I’ve thought maybe it is just something that happens in life, but it really isn’t. She clearly just cannot be bothered to be friends with me anymore, and this makes me really sad and upset.
If it was just a friend from work or someone I’ve known for a short time then maybe I would be ok about it, but we’ve been very close friends since school. We spent some of our best years together.
I’ve messaged her on many occasions saying that I miss her and we need to organise a catch up, but she clearly doesn’t want to have anything more to do with me.
And it’s frying my brain because there doesn’t seem to be a reason for it.
I’m going to just get on with my life with my partner and not be the one to contact first and I think its time I stopped making an effort now.
Can anyone share any similar stories? And how did you handle it? Any advice greatly appreciated
4 comments
I had a friend a few years ago who was just like my best friend. Literally told him everything and felt closer to him honestly then anyone else in my life. And then suddenly he just blew up at me and told me that he didn’t want to be friends anymore. I reached out multiple times trying to figure out what happened but was basically turned away each time. I tried asking our friends but none of them knew what happened. I know how tough a spot you are in because you keep thinking WHAT HAPPENED?!? but you just gotta accept that you aren’t going to know. You are right to move on. I did. He will always have a special place in my heart but we can’t hang on to someone who so clearly is not gonna be there for us when we need them. Live your life, and hope that one day you can create a new friendship with someone else that will be just as great and last a life time
The harsh truth is if that your friend is no longer having time for you but plenty of time for others, you probably at some point stopped bringing value to the interactions in that friend’s eyes. People attach subconsciously you to the value you bring, not necessarily how long you have known them. You definitely will diminish your value in your friend’s eyes if you start chasing them and act needy and desperate. You need to move on. Also read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/trlexh/how_to_avoid_being_needy_or_stop_being_needy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
It doesn’t sound like she wants to be friends anymore. It shouldn’t feel like a chore to reach out to someone. If she is out and out ghosting you, that sucks. That’s not called for and might be worth pressing.
I had a close friend that I’ve known since childhood. I reached out multiple times and occasionally we’d get together. She would refer to me as her brother when I was introduced. Then, silence. She’d never invite me out to anything despite me regularly seeing posts about fun shit.
I don’t know exactly the reasons why. I guess I could speculate, but it doesn’t matter. I got tired of a one-sided friendship. It gets really old.
Perhaps she has some changes in her life, and she is ashamed.
Often times when we are not happy with ourselves, we don’t share ourselves with those closest to us.