I’m a black teenager who’s interested in pursuing a career in child care. At the beginning of the school year I started working at my old elementary school after school because it seemed fun. There I met the cutest set of twins 6m/f and love them to death to the point they’re almost like my siblings. Since the mom still works I’ve been babysitting for her almost everyday however, yesterday she told me she was glad her kids weren’t being babysat by a gay or trans person. The problem is I’m a bisexual and I don’t feel comfortable being around someone who thinks I’m going to groom her kids for some sort of sick pleasure. The only reason I didn’t quit on the stop is because I don’t want these kids lol grow up believing all gay people are monsters out to hurt them. Should I stop babysitting for her?
19 comments
I would for your safety. Are you in the US? There’s a lot talk about LGBTQ people being “groomers” among these types and if she finds out, it could be unsafe for you.
Edited so everyone can understand that this first part wqs/is sarcasm: Next time you babysit I would teach her kids about trans people, their rights, current issues, etc. Turn on some drag queen story book time and never refer to their gender, only they/them.
Then quit.
Then. Put your job postings in areas where you’ll get clients who support you and who you are. On the next job posting you create, don’t be afraid to talk about yourself more. (Unless of course that’s not an option for you). I’m not sure if where you’re located, if there is a LBGTQ community center, maybe post a babysitting add there! Keep those people out of your life! People like that can impact how you set your boundaries as an adult. I believe you should listen to your gut and follow your instincts.
Good luck
Lmfaoooooo: I am sorry if you or ANYONE read the first part seriously. Clearly sarcasm doesn’t read well! I 100% stand behind the rest of my post. Sorry. Not sorry.
I’d quit asap and tell her that you can’t work for a close minded bigot. You don’t even have to out yourself if you don’t want to. I wouldn’t work for anyone with such a narrow view of the world. What if she finds out you’re bi and decides to make allegations against you …no, it’s just not worth the risk.
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Pump your brakes a bit there! She said (in your own words) “she was glad her kids weren’t being babysat by a gay or trans person”.
What she said may come across as “transphobic”, but you’ve literally just made up what she “meant”, and that’s a massive part of the problem. Just because she doesn’t want gay or trans people babysitting her kids, it doesn’t mean she thinks they’re going to do horrible things to them at all.
Would I want a trans person babysitting my kids? Absolutely not. Does this make me “transphobic”? Absolutely not. Does this automatically mean I think they’d fuck my kids if I were to have them babysit them? Again, absolutely not.
Stop telling people “what” they think because your mind has been poisoned to think that everyone with a different opinion to your own is a horrible human being.
It’s up to you, but personally that’s a ‘writing on the wall’.
You can say ‘my schedule’s changed’, but I would personally slowly stop being available. It’s not on you how the kids turn out, it’s on you to protect yourself from an employer who casually dropped something that is concerning. If she found out you were bi, you don’t know how she would react, but it’s best to get out before that happens.
But for sure look into maybe becoming a teacher! If you get along with kids, that might be a good career for you to explore.
Unless you are going to reveal and explain your orientation to the kids, and answer all of the inevitable follow up questions, itI’m not sure how you would accomplish anything in terms of demonstrating that gay people are not monsters. Plus, you’re having a conversation with six year olds that should come from the parents, at their time of choosing. You have noble goals, but you can’t accomplish anything here except to uphold your personal code and don’t associate with people like that mom.
Ugh, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I think the answer really depends on what you’re comfortable with. I personally wouldn’t work for this woman if I had any other option. I’m straight, but a bigot is a bigot.
You don’t need a reason
You don’t need to explain why, jus tell them you’re no longer interested.
I think a good approach here might be setting a firm boundary with your boss. Seeing as you primarily work with the kids, this could be a good exercise in dealing with bad employers while keeping your job (which you love).
If she speaks that way to you again you can say “Please stop, I support the lgbtq+ community and do not tolerate bigotry of any kind. I can’t keep working for you if it continues. I’d like to go back to doing my job/discussing relevant job related things now please.”
If you want to bring it up separately ask her to talk and essentially tell her that you were taken aback in the moment but now that you’ve processed her sentiment you want her to know that you don’t tolerate that kind of disrespect towards the lgtbq+ community and that you kindly ask she not speak to you in such a way again or you’ll be seeking employment elsewhere.
Personally, I wouldn’t out yourself. Not out of fear or shame but because as your employer it’s none of her business and completely irrelevant to the job. As a straight person, I’d tell her the same thing. You do have the right to express not wanting to work in a hostile environment, no matter your sexuality. Be calm and professional but direct.
If she fires you, so be it. You can walk out with your head held high. For what it’s worth, young generations are growing up in such a different world these days, much fewer of them are concerned about gender/sexuality than past generations. I think the kids will be okay. Not to mention working with kids you have to prepare yourself for the reality that their parents will make choices you do not agree with and that is their right.
imo, keep taking her money, and possibly even try and get a pay raise (she needs YOU). if you end up watching these kids long term and keep that sibling-like relationship, i think you’d be a great influence to have in their lives- but only if it’s worth it to you to have to deal with the mom.
if the mom brings it up again, you could even try and make her uncomfortable and say something like “that’s a pretty cruel thing to say, i have a friend who’s gay and he’s just like anyone else. being lgbt does make people pedofiles” (she expects you to agree since she sees you as “one of her in-group” (cishet), breaking that expectation would certainly make her feel uncomfortable)
or, you could take the route of directly telling her what she said was extremely bigoted, and much as you love the kiddos you watch, you’re not comfortable tolerating hate speech. and then either have a serious talk with her, or straight up quit.
just some ideas- good luck op
Why does she need to know your sexuality? I wouldn’t bring it up for now unless the comments keep coming, maybe it was a one off? (Wishful thinker here)
Do not put yourself in a risky position. Start looking for a new job. If you get a boyfriend or she finds out, she will likely file a false police report against you and spread rumors. Instead maintain a positive relationship and quit for a better job. Then, If she finds out at a later date it will be too late to do anything.
No don’t quit. people have different opinions and one opinion that wasn’t personally directed at you isn’t a reason to quit.
Do you like the kids that much? Then keep babysitting because you are making money at something that you enjoy – you enjoy those kids. You don’t ever have to discuss your sexuality with anyone. You also don’t have to be ‘friends’ with this woman. Everyone has preferences and prejudices. Maybe you don’t. But pretty much everyone has their idea of an ideal person to care for their children – and they don’t ever get the ideal.
It’s your own business who you are & what you do.
And also if someone is prejudiced then just let them see you as a real, good and kind person.
You don’t have to discuss your personal life with your employer.
Since this woman is connected to your work for school I wouldn’t confront her on the issue. If you decide to quit, which is perfectly valid, then I would blame it on a scheduling issue or the need to study more for school. She might still act like a Karen and get made at you for quitting, but at least she won’t accuse you of being a groomer.
Why are you mentioning you skin colour btw? Is this meant to somehow put more weight behind your argument? 🤔
I wouldn’t risk it. Even without proof… she can literally destroy your life. I might just give it a week or two and invent a story of needing to leave… but nope. Not risking it by any means.