Recently found out my ex fiancé has two kids, the second child was born this year. We were dating for almost 4 years so yes he cheated. I broke up with him afterwards but it’s still heartbreaking. I feel like those kids were supposed to be mine in a way? I think it also revealed how unhappy I am in my life. I would’ve loved to have a child with him. But seeing how he treats his I guess I’m not missing out. I think about him everyday and if he loves his kids and the girl he had them with.
I told my best friend and she said she’s happy for him that he has kids. Should I feel the same way? It’s heartbreaking for me
I’ve tried online dating and almost every guy I talk to has a kid.
How do I move on? It’s been 2 months since I found out.
Tl;dr been 2 months since I found out my ex cheated on me and has two kids. How do I move on?
18 comments
Hmmmmm, that’s a bitter pill to swallow
You just have to move on knowing fully well he has too
You still brighter days ahead of you and you could as well have your kids in the nearest future
i mean that’s kinda wild but it’s your ex, so who cares? not your problem anymore
Your best friend is being ridiculous. It’s not a good thing that he cheated on you and had a child a second secret child with some girl. I’m sure he’s also probably just a terrible father.
But he’s your ex and he doesn’t matter and you may want to consider dating someone closer to your own age.
You are still young and you start a family of your own. You don’t want a spouse who hides things from you.
There’s plenty of guys who don’t have kids but really want to have families of their own. Don’t give up, keep looking for that guy.
You made some good choices by leaving him. Those kids are unlucky, cos if something ever happens in their primary home they’re screwed with him. People can love their offspring and still not be decent parents. And love and biology aren’t exactly the same.
You’re hitting that life phase where the pool has more single parents. That doesn’t mean you have to deal with that if you don’t want to. There are people who didn’t rush into relationships and now have baggage. It sometimes is also a location issue, some areas have a lot of pressure to set up families young, where others have the focus on careers or other time consuming goals. You mention unhappiness in life, maybe you should look for a fresh start. Kids rarely are a solution for that type of dissatisfaction. He betrayed you in quite a bad way. ‘Only two months’ to process is fair.
Honey, pat your self on the back for saving yourself the cost of a divorce. Do that every time you start to dwell on him. Every. Time.
Think of things you can now do because you didn’t blow your time and money on him.
Yeesh. If he kept his having children from you, what else could he be hiding? You also deduced that he was cheating, at least once. His track record in terms of trust is looking rather spotty.
And you were looking at marrying this guy? It’s better that you find out about his unsavory habits now, rather than after you say “I do.”
Leaving him behind may take some time, and probably hurt for a while, but you can do it.
At 25 you’re young enough to rebound from this and still have your life on track.
You move on by remembering who you are, separate from this past relationship. What do you enjoy doing? Who do you like to spend time with? What do you always wish you had the time and bandwidth to do?
You have the opportunity to embrace new experiences, since you’re no longer held down by being tied to someone.
You’re a free woman! Start acting like it!
As far as meeting someone else goes… I’d steer clear of it for the time being. You need to recover from what has happened, mourn the loss, then move on. In time, you’ll be ready, and more comfortable with the experience you gained from the last four years.
Give him another chance.
It shows how low your friend’s expectations are. The bar is so low that any man, even one who cheats on you and fathers a child with someone else is a catch. Well done for having boundaries and for getting out of the toxic relationship. Maybe assess your “friends” too and get rid of those not looking out for your best interests.
Lady you’re 25. How old are the guys you’re talking to that they all have kids?
out of curiousity, how come the last post of yours your fiancé was 38, but now he’s 30?
Your best friend is mean. That’s not the feedback you need to hear in telling her about this situation.
You’re 25 – you have so much time to figure your life out and have kids and live the life you want. I’d recommend therapy to navigate your feelings and why you dated some emotionally unavailable, old guy who wasn’t prepared to love you the way you want.
You get over it by applauding yourself for having the Wisdom and Courage to make him your EX!!!! BEST WISHES FOR A BEAUTIFUL FUTURE
Your bf probably cheated with your ex as well… why else would she try to invalidate your feelings.
Give yourself time to heal and seek therapy. Get your footing back before trying to date again…
Did you find out since your last post that he had yet another kid? Seperate from the one that he offered to abandon for you?
Look, this guy is a real piece of shit and a horrible human being. For cheating, but also being willing to abandon children. You’ve found out about this second kid in the last month? Of course you’re not over it yet. Its going to take a lot of time, infidelity has a way of rocking your world and you’re still getting revelations about the depths of his betrayals. Block him everywhere and try not to hear anything about him. You can’t heal wounds if they keep reopening.
you have an opportunity to experience the greatest joy you ever have. love yourself now the way you want to love your future kid. see the benefits of it. watch what love and nurture brings you and you will give it to something outside of yourself when you’re ready
>I told my best friend and she said she’s happy for him that he has kids.
Your friend is not a good friend. Why is she happy that he cheated on you? That’s a cruel thing to say. I think you need to re-evaluate that friendship.
This guy cheated on you. He had a child with another woman. He hopefully does love his children.
You are better off away from him. If you can see a therapist, please do so because that might help to reframe this situation for you.
Consider stopping online dating for a moment. You’re only 2 months out from the breakup of a 4 year relationship. “Date yourself” first. Take the time to decompress. Figure out who you are and what you want before dating again. And avoid guys with kids for now.
Of course you feel this way! He betrayed you but you still love him.
Methinks he didn’t wish to return your love for him..making it reciprocal…
He is past history now..
What does that mean?…
It means that he preferred someone else, rather than you….a bitter pill to swallow…
Methinks that you have escaped…i.e. trouble with him…Trouble?…Answer: yes: It sounds like he didn’t care in the least for your feelings….He only cared for what he can get out of it….No respect, loyalty or kindness to you at all.
I say as follows:
” No respect, no loyalty no love (on his part) = no relationship…