Hi there, I’m 23M, my is girlfriend 23F
We’ve been together for 6 months and we’ve been having some wild BDSM sessions when we get a free house (we both live at our parents) and a lot of fun in between. When we do manage to get a big session (45+ minutes) she has almost always had an orgasm, solely for the fact that’s she’s very vocal, which she tells me she can’t orgasm without being vocal. Here’s the problem, we’ve not had a free house for the last 6 weeks so it’s been very quiet/slow/vanilla, now we’ve had a free house for a few days had 2 big sessions and she hasn’t had orgasm because she feels insecure about being loud. This isn’t a me problem, it’s not like “WHY ISNT MY GIRLFRIEND CUMMING FOR ME” type sh*t, I absolutely love our sex whether either of us orgasm or not, but, we spoke last night and she said that she’s got it in her head that she doesn’t feel sexy or appealing to me if she doesn’t orgasm and that I’ll get bored or leave her over it, this happened in her previous relationship. Obviously I did some mega reassurance that I love her for her and not the sex. Any advice on how to get her out of that mindset would be appreciated advice on how to move that to an orgasm would be massively appreciated, I just hate seeing her sad and upset
3 comments
Sensory deprivation. Blindfolds AND headphones, so she couldn’t hear if she’s loud
It sounds like you both are creating too much hype over having sex and all the expectation is giving her anxiety.
Reaching orgasm is all about letting go of control. And what is the best way to let someone let go control? Absolutely do not pressure your partner or yourself to have an orgasm. First of all, this just isn’t realistic. And it just causes pressure and stress that just doesn’t have to be there.
But I get it, while talking about it is good I should say that indicates that you are very considerate of her, and you might appreciate [this guide](https://tichazblo.wordpress.com/2022/01/10/female-101/) too. Then you will have done all that you can and after that I would advise not bringing the subject up again for quite some time. If you keep asking about it this may bring about a certain amount of performance anxiety and she will certainly not be able to let go. ‘A watched pot never boils’ comes to mind!