Child of a labor nurse here. I grew up in a very sex positive home. Because of that, while I had many partners when I left for college (I’m at like 20+ and lost count), I’m extremely meticulous about wearing protection and testing after every new partner. I recently went on a girls trip and my friends were absolutely shocked that I’ve never had sex without condoms, even on birth control. See, I’ve always been raised to believe that this is what women do if they’re trying to avoid pregnancy and std’s. I’m the only one in my friends group that hadn’t gotten one.
I guess I was visibly shocked, because one of my friends said “you’re in the minority dude nobody uses condoms when they’re on the pill, and even if they’re off of birth control you can track your cycle and let them hit raw” WHAT?!
Informed consent is what I care about. So if you go over the risks and are fine with them; have at it. But I struggle to believe that I’m truly in the minority here. So Reddit, am I completely naive or do most 20-25 people really ditch protection?
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I think it’s become the cool thing to do it ‘raw’ which I’m my mind is completely fucking stupid. I would say most people don’t use it bit that’s why the rate of stds are increasing.
Majority don’t use condoms, at least not ”always” or ”meticulously”. Guys and girls alike. Girls are just as likely, if not more than guys, to suggest skipping condoms (guys at least have the worry that they will have no control over the girl’s decision to keep the baby or not in case she happens to get pregnant – while the girl remains in control of her own body). But girls who are on birth control (which is majority of sexually active girls these days) most of the time will let you hit it raw and cum inside. They might feel like it’s a waste to be on birth control otherwise, as it has its nasty side effects.
No need to shoot the messenger, anyone who does not meticulously use protection on their own initiative knows that these are simply facts of real life. Also if you reading this comment don’t happen to be one of these people, no need to be upset or start reassuring how you always use protection. I’m not talking about you.
A lot of people don’t use condoms if they’re in a serious monogamous relationship and on birth control.
That your friends are out there not using condoms while hooking up with randos and getting and spreading STIs is a sign that they are not very responsible and not a good barometer.
Have always worn condoms for casual sex. When in an exclusive, committed relationship, I use the pill only. However, I’m very careful with how I take it and will always add condoms back in if I throw up/take antibiotics/diarrhoea/etc.
Up until I got an IUD I always used a condom with literally everyone, regardless of if I was in a relationship, I’d of course use it with friends with benefits or one night stands. Once I got an IUD I only wore condoms if I wasn’t in a monogamous relationship. I’ve also always made sure that every person I sleep with knows I will get an abortion if I get pregnant, whether they like it or not.
My boyfriend that I’ve been with 4.5 years we use condoms occasionally but usually we don’t because STD’s aren’t anything either of us need to worry about and I’d get an abortion if I somehow got pregnant.
Through my teens and early 20’s, I hooked up with *a lot* of guys and almost never used a condom, nor was I on birth control. I can only remember one guy insisting on using a condom the first time but then never wore one after that. I never got pregnant or caught anything. But I was just lucky. And dumb. When I look back at that time, I shake my head at how reckless I was and now I always insist on a condom with new partners.
I think this is one of those things you can’t really generalize it, a lot of people go about this differently. I know I personally am more towards your way of going about it where I get tested consistently and use protection, although when in a long term monogamous relationship I have went without protection.. But only because I’ve always been on birth control, I’m highly unlikely to get pregnant for other reasons on top of that, and always make sure both of us are tested before sleeping together in the first place.
Gay 23yr old here.
I know I’m gonna get flak for this but I don’t use condoms. If a guy wants to use condoms, I’d rather just do other stuff (cuddle, hands, oral, etc).
Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. Condoms take away a bunch of the feeling and make it way less fun and pleasurable. (I already don’t really like topping, adding a condom to the mix just makes me want to do anything else).
But to clarify, I am very inexperienced and not really “sexually active”. Maybe if I decide to be more active my opinion would change, but for now, I’m not really interested in condoms.
I know people who do it because it’s dangerous and sexy and they’re willing to just roll the dice. And not to be rude, but those failed contraception and STD stats have to come from somewhere. And it’s far less likely that’s going to be you.
I only ditched condoms when I got my IUD and while in an exclusive relationship (the only exception was in an abuse situation with my ex, and I checked up for STDs). Apart from that, condoms always, even in birth control.
You are definietly not alone. Even though Im not that experienced and havent been with a lot of people, I was always using condoms, even when i was on the pill. For me unprotected sex is reserved for a very serious relationship/marriage where Im sure my partner is safe and I wouldnt be scared to raise a child with them.
Tbh I thought its a common thing
I don’t exactly have a very high body count, but I absolutely always used condoms for every hookup or casual partner I’ve had. Seems absolutely insane not to. Not just because of STDs, but I wasn’t on birth control for the first 25 years of my life. I only stop using condoms when I got on birth control and was in a committed relationship.
TLDR I. Have no clue what’s more common as far as safe sex goes. I ‘d have to go look for statistics 🤷♂️
For me it’s a tough comparison I grew up in the 80’s so when I was most sexually active ( college years) if you even suggested I might not wear a condom. The reaction from peer group, do you want to die ?
Back then Aids was a death sentence. We actually knew other students that got aids and quit school. They knew they had a few years to live and their priorities changed.
So should I compare my peers of 30 years ago, to strangers I see online now? Especially since I don’t hang with early 20’s people because i’m older.
Where as my peer group is now married friends and they don’t talk about their sex life when their spouse is around. Nobody says hey me and my wife still use condoms, how about everyone else? This doesn’t happen
And yes I wear a condom everytime, I have gone without it in committed relationships where we both got tested.
Frankly, my big fear is getting HPV or herpes
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/why-are-so-many-teens-ditching-condoms
Hope this article helps ^
Nah. There are plenty of people who only have sex with condoms even when they only have one partner. Your friends sound kind of stupid honestly. If I had to take a guess, it sounds like they’ve been with a few guys who pressured them into having unsafe sex and made them feel ashamed so now they are trying to rationalize those bad experiences.
With like flings, yeah I’ll wrap it. But in long term monogamous type thing, no
I am 32 y.o., never had one-night stands and never had unprotected sex. Yes, even in LTR. That said, I am definitely a loud minority among my friends, all of whom had unprotected sex with one-night stands at least a couple times throughout their life. I do get those looks a lot too. To each their own, I guess. I love my non-pregnant STD-free body.
We’re married now and were high school sweethearts so maybe a little different situation but…I always had him wear a condom while we were young, in college, and long distance, even though we were committed and monogamous. He probably would have insisted if I hadn’t. I was on the pill, but not ready for a kid or STDs. Also, my mom passed HPV to me when I was born. It’s on my vocal cords and I’ve had several surgeries a year for the last 28 years. I’m absolutely going to do everything possible to prevent my kids from dealing with what I deal with. It’s absolutely awful.
The only time I have ever not used a condom is when I am married and either I had an IUD or my husband had a vasectomy. Short of that, nope. I was a birth control baby. I do not risk it unless I am 100% sure there will be no oops babies.
I guess for some anecdata I’ve never had anyone I was dating assume that I wouldn’t use a condom, even if they knew I was on birth control pills.
Hell fking no. Protection always, like what?! Even in a committed relationship. I’d rather not chance a baby just to feel a bit more. I don’t understand it. If they’re on the pill, then why not add in a condom for extra safety? BC isn’t 100%, neither are condoms, but both together then the chances of pregnancy are almost null if both are used correctly. Plus STDs?! Especially if they’re actively changing partners. My god.
I’ve had sex with a ton of people and rarely used protection. I’m just lucky to have never caught an STD. I got out of a 5 year plus relationship and going forward I will absolutely require condoms when having sex. Mostly was just young, dumb and horny.
I’ve been on birth control for 7 years now. Throughout those 7 years, I have always used a condom with a hookups/one-night stands, but I don’t use a condom in my serious monogamous relationships. I feel like this is a pretty common approach to it, at least from what I’ve heard from my friends.
Despite what many people here say – I think they are a bit biased because the people browsing this sub tend to be better informed and safer in regards to sex than the average person, on top of it being more likely for them to post in response to this thread than people who ditch condoms.
In my experience, a grand total of 0 women I have ever slept with pushed for condom usage. They all wanted to sleep with me without condom. Even if we just met in a bar for the first time and are going for a one night stand.
I have slept with both Americans and Europeans (mostly the latter because I am European).
And mind you, every woman I have slept with has either been a student doing her bachelors or masters or finished it and has a good carreer. So these are highly educated women.
It’s totally normal for people who are in a relationship to not use condoms… but you’re not in the minority for using condoms.. it’s the responsible thing to do for yourself and your partner.
There are two kinds of people, who don’t wear condoms, those that have STDs and those that are going to get them.
Our home inspector said that about termites, when we first moved in. He said ‘there are two kinds of houses .. houses with termites and houses that are going to get termites.’ 6 months later, our house had termites.
It’s just a matter of time for people who don’t wear condoms and most people, who don’t wear condoms, probably already have something. Herpes and HPV are rarely tested for because the tests are not very accurate. Always wear condoms unless you are in a committed long term relationship.
I was in the minority in college using condoms in my friend group. Most women I’ve slept with have suggested I don’t need to use a condom our first time. I do – yet somehow I’m the one who gets an STD.
I am on the pill and I have an IUD (copper/non-hormonal). I have only ever had sex without a condom in a long term relationship, sexually monogamous relationship (after we both got tested). Otherwise my rule is the guy wears a condom every time. I do not want an STD. All of my friends use condoms unless they are in a sexually monogamous (and tested) relationship as well and then only have to worry about pregnancy prevention and choose to use a different method.
My best guess: you are in the minority having been raised in a sex positive environment and having received proper sex education growing up. I certainly was not and have had to do a lot of my own research. I am shocked at the lack of education and how much people do not know and never learn. So, that may be the reason why your friends seem so care free about it and why you are in the minority. Either way, I’d say keep doing what you’re doing. Like you said, you’re the only one out of your friends to not have an STD and I think that shows you’re on the better side, minority or not.
I don’t understand women who do this. I am SO afraid of getting pregnant I would never use cycle tracking as BC. Never never never
Condom or no sex (im not on BC)
I am like you: protection all the time…but I am significantly older than you. My experience is that your friends are right…people aren’t having protected sex and are just winging it.
If you don’t want any unplanned pregnancies or unexpected STDs, don’t listen to them. Just continue with your discipline. It’s your life…don’t leave these things to chance.