I just got in a fight with my mother because she would not accept my GF and I don’t know who to talk to about this.
Ever since I introduced my GF to my mother she didn’t approve. Yesterday I told my mother I want to get serious with my GF and my mom and I fought and she broke down crying.
My mom doesn’t like my gf for 2 reasons.
1) we come from different cultures
2) she says I am a lot better looking than my gf.
In the past I’ve brought home a lot of more traditionally beautiful women. This girl currently is a little different as in she doesn’t wear make up and she has her own unique style of dress. Not very girly. And my mother does not approve
I got in a fight with my mom last night because I told her you didn’t even give this girl a chance before shooting her down
How should I approach this? My mothers approval is very important to me. I cannot stand upsetting my mother but I can’t let her dictate my life. Is there merit to what she says about us coming from different cultures?
11 comments
How old are you?
Same situation 🙂
Because of different culture
Why are you so bothered by the fact she doesn’t accept your girlfriend? The fact that one of her reasons for not liking her is that you’re more attractive than your girlfriend is would just make her opinion worth less to me. I don’t see the problem with the cultures thing if you’re both respectful and patient with them. But if you want to live the life the way you want then you have to stop craving the approval of your mom because then you’ll live for her not yourself and be unhappy. It’s pretty normal to do things your parents don’t approve of since you’re not the same person. So either learn to stop wanting her approval or do things only your mother would approve of.
If your parents can not accept the decisions you make as an adult, then I agree it is not someone you want in your life. More specifically if they cut you off because you continue dating this girl. Personally as a woman, I would find your need for your parents approval a deal breaker. Tread carefully, I’m sorry you’ve been put in this situation. Sometimes the most toxic people in our life is our family. Choose you, OP. If they truly deserve to be in your life, they will be.
If you absolutely can’t move on without mom’s approval, what options do you have? You can get serious with your gf without getting married yet to prove to mom this is serious and you can work out. Do you want your mother to be happy, or do YOU want to be happy?
I can relate. My mom and my STBXW never got along. And as you can probably infer, we’re in the latter stages of divorce (almost final). At first, I was kind of upset at my mom for not being more accepting of her, but I started to see the patterns and behavior that my mom found disturbing, and they were validated by some of my friends.
If your mom’s willing to listen, I would have a private talk with her about your feelings for your girlfriend. BUT…as hard as it may be, you should listen to her as well. I honestly wish I would have been more open to my mom’s (and dad’s) advice and opinions about my ex. It could have saved me years of unhappiness. She may be perceiving behaviors and patterns that you’re kind of oblivious to. Conversely, she could just be prejudiced against her because of her looks, or cultural/generational differences.
My ex was objectively attractive. The issue was not her looks. It was her toxic, critical personality.
I think you’re looking for advice in the wrong place. Mostly white people here so there’s a huge cultural divide when it comes to understanding the need for approval from family. Try asking on a subreddit from your country.
My advice: Try to look at things from your mother’s perspective and convince her over time. Tell her this is the girl you like and that you want to spend the rest of your life with her (assuming things have gotten to that point). Try not to be too imposing. Over time I’m sure she’ll understand, mum loves you and wants what’s best.
I swear you are Egyptian , this stuff can only be found in the middle east.
Sorry to hear this, I’ve had this issue. What is your culture/tradition?
I’m a south Asian and we are very family oriented people so the liking of the parents is far more important than the people signing up for marriage/relationships. This issue cannot be overlooked and gone without being sorted out. Sit your mother down and try pursuading her. Old people who are prejudiced and biased love passing their own prejudices on to their next generations and get upset when their prejudices don’t sit right with the new generation. Ask your gf to make tiny efforts to warm up to her as well but at the end of the day it’s still your own mother holding on to prejudices against other cultures and not your gf. Cultural biases and prejudices cannot be cured unless the person wants it himself/herself.
If you’re Asian then you basically have two options either to let your life be directed by your parents and be the classic example of a PARENT-PLEASER yet an OBEDIENT CHILD in the eyes of the world OR live your life on your own terms and not give a f*** about what anyone thinks about your relationship with whoever it is and be open about it only with those who RESPECT IT and stop seeking approval of others. There is no middle ground in such situations.