Before my bf (19m) and I (19f) started dating i had sex with a guy. I never told my bf because i felt like it would just be awkward to tell him, so i kept it to myself. But a couple of days ago he found out and now it’s a huge problem in the relationship. My bf is saying since i had sex with that guy two days before i saw him for the first time in months (we’ve known each other for a while but we’re not together when i had sex with the guy) and i never told him it’s a huge break in our trust. Obviously he found out and not through me so that is the big problem. He’s debating on weather to break up with me or not and i don’t know what to do. Any advice?
5 comments
why did you have sex with someone two days before you saw your bf?
Had you dated previously and were “on a break” when you slept with the other guy?
If you weren’t dating, it’s honestly none of his business. If you guys were planning on getting together to possibly be together and before that could happen, you slept with the guy, I could see that being a little problematic.
Well, if it’s his dealbreaker that he must know everything you’ve ever done when he wasn’t present, then that’s his dealbreaker. He gets to decide that. I’ll be here laughing at him, but it’s his choice.
You can’t change the past and honestly, you’re right, it would have been awkward and it was none of his business.
Now he has decided that it *is* his business, so now you need to figure out whether you need to retroactively report on all genital-related activity you’ve ever had that you *also* didn’t think was any of his business. Moreover, you need to decide, whether a guy who cares this much about stuff you did when you weren’t with him, is really one you wanna be with.
You have not done anything wrong. He is young and somewhat insecure but it is ok to help him through it.
Please know that just because he is your boyfriend it does not mean you need to share all your intimate details with him unless you are ready to.
If he is willing to walk away from a relationship with you over something from your past it is better to pull the bandaid now.
You may want to tell him that, while you are not sure, it is this exact reaction that made you hesitant to share these types of things with him.
Letting him know that you want someone that will accept you for exactly who you are and your past may be a good thing. It also may help to let him know that if he can’t do that then you know he is not the right person (only if you truly feel that way of course).
I suggest you take the power of this decision in hand then head it off. It will end up better for you no matter what direction it takes and you will have drawn a line on how you would like to be treated.
Telling you he has to think about breaking up with you is just a scared person’s way of communicating they feel out of control and scared. Squash it now
Would be a bit ridiculous if he broke up with you for something you did before you were together. Hopefully he’ll get over it.