I’m 21 turning 22 in a few months and I just feel stuck in life. A few good things happened though. I got a new job and I rarely watch porn and I hope it gets to the point where I don’t, but I feel like there’s more I need to hear like what helped you guys when you were around my age.

36 comments

  2. If you want kids don’t expect to have $. If you want $ don’t have kids. Treat your savings as a bill each month you have to pay. Nothing is more stressful then having an emergency and no way to get it fixed.

  3. $100 a month in a mutual fund, increase until you can put 15% in. Max out a Roth IRA every year. Live on 75% of your take home pay. Read the book The Millionaire Next Door 2xs a year until you die. Don’t have kids until you are married and have a full time job.

  4. Youth is wasted on the young.

    You have more energy now than you will ever again. Use it wisely to invest in your future.

  5. Anything worth having in life takes hardwork, dont waste time searching for short cuts. Pay the price and reap the rewards.

  6. Mostly, just try and be with yourself in the present.

    Ask yourself often “how do I feel today?”,”what do I need, and what do I want to give myself?”, etc.

    These are the times you start to have more space to figure things out, but you don’t have figure out what the next ten, twenty years look like so much as how you feel and what adds to your life. It’s the first time you get to step out from whatever influence your parents had/have and make real choices for yourself.

    The big secret to feeling stuck is to accept that it’s okay to feel that way, and that figuring out your life doesn’t really ever happen. The shit we learn about ourselves in our 20s becomes the things we’re unlearning or discovering a different aspect of in our 30s, and so on.

    I’m 40, and looking back to my 20s and 30s, I feel like I’m watching a movie about someone else. It’s crazy how much changes as you just keep on living, and if I could tell myself then anything at all, I’d tell him not to assume that he knows what the next decades look like, even when it seems really obvious.

  7. You need a hobby, golf, gun range, bowling, soft ball. Go to the independent restaurants in you area, these will be date locations later.

  8. Take care of your health. As your grow older a healthy body/lifestyle will help you live longer. Hopefully to play w/your grandkids and Ferrari’s!

  9. So many things that are hyped up as life-changing really aren’t, in the long run. Driving is liberating, sex is passionate … then you get up in the morning and drive to work.

    If you don’t want children, don’t allow yourself to be blackmailed in to having children. Get a vasectomy, then you’re 99.9% sure you’ll be safe. If she threatens to leave over the issue, let her leave: when children are unwanted, it sucks for them as well as for the unwilling parents.

  10. 37 and, to be fair, I still struggle with the advice I’ll give you.

    Thinking about the future a little bit is okay, but you’ll go crazy if you worry too much about where you “should” be or how much you need to do to get to where you want to be in the future. Don’t be goofy about it, but enjoy your 20s and try all kinds of new things (and be okay with failing from time to time). Your 20s are probably the best intersection of a lack of major responsibilities and the ability to enjoy the time that you’ll get for a long time.

  12. Take time to cultivate good friendships and invest in those relationships. Statistically, men who grow up in to their thirties and onwards have a smaller circle who they can trust, and a growing portion don’t have any friends at all. It also makes for a healthier life. Just show up and check in with one another. You can check this board to know that there posts about genuinely trying to meet and build friendships and it kind of is a tragedy when we’re so interconnected.

    Personally, at 35 I’m one of the lucky ones who I have close to five people I can hand over my keys to, or call at 3am if something happens to me. And although that’s not measured in currency, it’s a sign of wealth for me.

  13. Do what makes you happy. If it doesn’t then don’t do it. Try everything so you know.

  14. Get your self educated, either by trade or university and become self reliant financially. Also important is becoming emotionally and mentally sound, take care of yourself.
    With those two things secured you can handle most of the adverse events thrust on you. And you will face some hardship at some point. Set yourself up to handle these events now.

    I am 50 years old and this is what I would tell my younger self.

  15. Buy a copy of “The Wealthy Barber” by David Chilton and follow the advice. With very little pain or risk you will retire wealthy.

    Don’t blow your money on a large wedding and all of the prep. Use it to invest in a house. If you meet a woman who expects a huge ring and an extravagant wedding, run. She’ll make a bad wife wife.

  16. Ah bro, there’s simultaneously so much and about nothing to say. But I’ll try. Btw I’m 28. European fella.

    Try to be your best self, and to become better. This can happen in many aspects of your life, and not all of them need to evolve at the same time. As long as you feel you’re getting better, higher, stronger. So:

    Be in shape. That doesn’t even mean go to the gym. Especially if you live in the US, not being overweight and eating healthy is already much. Try and learn to eat well and cook. Women looooove men that Cook. If you do like sports, take up one, and stick to it. Strive to become better in your sport. Feel good in your body.

    About work, I’d say, find something you’re naturally good at and interested in. Start somewhere, and then discover what works best for you. Aim for quality over quantity. Obviously, try to get promoted and make more money, but as long as you make a decent income, to live hassle-free, it’s good. Take your time. Any more money is welcome for comfort and the occasional luxury. Learn if you’d rather become a manager or an expert in your field. The manager deals with the human, the expert deals with the technicalities. I am no manager, I aim to become an expert.

    As to dating… Mmmhhhh all trajectories are possible. I’d suggest to get as much experience as possible. Some marry at 20, some need way more time. It’s a lottery. But I have learnt one thing: don’t abandon yourself for the love of the other. You need yourself more than the other. You need to be mentally sound to be a good partner. About meeting people, it can happen anywhere, anytime, anyhow. Obviously, the more you socialize, the more you’re available on dating apps and so, the more opportunities.

    Which brings me to my next point: mental health. Can be achieved in many ways. The more the better: sport, art, friends, love, family, work, hobbies, you name it. The more there is in your life, the better. Don’t ever fear to talk to a therapist when needed. It saved my life. If you’re honest with yourself, therapy can make you a much more grounded and stable person. You will, at some point, struggle with an issue where you need guidance. In my experience, family and friends do not always offer much help. So if your family or your friends aren’t strong enough, help yourself by going to a good therapist.

    Develop your interests, your view of the world. Keep enriching it by discovering new things, accepting new perspectives. Be a learned man. So be first aware of national news, then international news. Read, whatever you like, but read. Try to learn a new language. Or a new skill. Consider a second, or a third career.

    Be ambitious for yourself. Never stop dreaming. The day you have no more plan, you start dying.

    But as I said, yeah don’t overthink it. Twenties are about possibilities, experience, pain and joy. Keep thinking critically about how your life is going, but don’t let it stop you being spontaneous.

    Hope it helps.

  17. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Tough times don’t last , tough people do.

    Stay close with family, as you get older you’ll move away from friends.

    Don’t prioritise work, many of us made that mistake.

  18. Don’t live your life based on other people’s expectations. You’ll go mad. Live for experiences and don’t sweat the small stuff.

  19. give zero fucks what your friends think, because in 10 years or so, some/most of them will get no more than a passing nod of acknowledgement when you pass them in the street or a store.

  20. When you’re young, everything is either tragedy or triumph. The older you get, the more you realize nothing is really “good” or “bad” at its core, it’s just another experience in a long game. The trouble with reality, is we take it far to seriously

  21. If you have FT job, bring your lunch to work.

    The math:

    – Buying lunch at work is $7-$10
    – 5 days/wk = $35-$50/wk
    – 52wk/yr = $1820- $2600/yr

    Put savings in tax deferred acct.

  22. Why do you think you suck at life? Who are you comparing yourself to?
    Get rid of that attitude man. Even if you do kinda suck at something that is perfectly acceptable, normal and even kind of a good thing at your age. This is when you make mistakes, take risks, learn and have the fewest and least impactful consequences. If you still suck at life when you are 42 then let’s sit down and talk, but for now get rid of that mindset. I used to work with a guy that called it stinkin’ thinkin’ and if you let yourself get mired up in that shit you will make worse decisions than if you just take your lumps, learn from your mistakes and move on. I would also say you probably don’t suck at life, you are probably just comparing yourself to the wrong things.

    Secondly, and this advice kinda sucks because if you are anything like me you want everything all at once and right the fuck now. But the best advice I can give you is to be patient and play the long game. Things get so much better as you get older as a man.

    Your career will get better as you gain experience, and as long as you work hard, and show ambition, and put yourself in a good position you can make yourself a success. Right now there is so much opportunity just lying around. There is such a huge labor shortage that if you learn a skill, wether it is a white collar skill like computer programming or network administration or a blue collar skill like plumbing, electrical, or even just driving with a CDL, there is money to be made. Try to set yourself up with a plan to get experience and make enough money to eventually work for yourself. You have all the opportunity in the world my man, just go for it.

    Keep working on yourself. Hit the gym. Read. Take up some interesting hobbies. This is your chance to both make yourself the best version of you, and have some fun. You have the time, you have your health, so take advantage of those things. Once you get in the grind, settle down and start a family or if your career advances, you might not have the time you have now. Travel if you want. Don’t wait because something will always get in the way to complicate things. DO NOT LET YOURSELF GO DOWNHILL. Your health is super important my dude, and it is so much harder to get back in shape than it is to stay in shape. At 22 you have all the genetic and hormonal advantages so take advantage of them.

    The hardest thing for young guys I think is the woman thing. My advice about being patient, and things improving with age and experience goes double, or triple for that. When you are in your 20’s dating is tough. It’s seems like all the top quality women are taken. That is because they are. The girls in their 20’s have all the options and hold all the cards. These girls are being hit up by older guys with more money, more maturity and a lot of the top quality girls are going to bet on the sure thing over the diamond in the rough. That leaves younger guys fighting over the leftovers.
    I don’t eat leftovers. You want a top shelf woman, be patient, make strides, be the best version of yourself, next thing you know as you approach 30 you will become one of the desired guys the younger girls want to be with. The script flips hard in your mid 30’s as guys have the option of an older woman with some baggage and one of the younger ones looking for a more stable, mature and relatively wealthy dude. If you have taken care of yourself and done well career wise you will be in the drivers seat.

    So that’s it. Be patient. Stay on your grind. Get rid of the negativity and have some fun while you can. I know it doesn’t seem like it but you have two things that money can’t buy. Freedom and potential. Don’t waste them. Take advantage my friend and enjoy your life.

  23. When you’re stuck, do something. It adds up. You can study, practice, or experiment with a craft, hobby, or whatever.

  24. Honestly no one really gets their shit together till theyre in their 30s. Dont panic. Enjoy bein young.

  25. Look after your health and your body. Not that you have to be a gym rat, but find something active you enjoy as a hobby so staying in shape doesn’t become a chore.

    You may think it, but you are not invincible and sadly you will be 40 before you know it.

    Lastly is a bit a cheese that I heard this week but really resonated with me.
    Don’t spend your spare time escaping reality, use that time to build the man you want to be.

  27. You’re young and can afford to make a few mistakes and bounce back relatively easily. So go out and find what makes you happy. Work different types of jobs. Things you may have heard about or are interested in. Go be a deck hand on a fishing boat in Alaska for a season. Or go be a ranch hand on a ranch somewhere. Volunteer for an organization that helps people like the peace corps or habitat for humanity. Go out and experience life and find out what you like. Don’t worry about girls or your car or what others think. Get some life experience and everything else will click into place. Here is a list of things my dad told me over the years growing up and right before I was moving out at 18.
    1) always wear a condom! Never trust the girl with birth control. Be responsible for your own protection. Having a kid when you’re not ready or with someone you’re not totally in love with gives you a person you are now 100% responsible for until they are 18.
    2) life is hard and you get what you make of it. It’s not fair by any means and you have to take advantage of every opportunity that comes along.
    3) work hard and don’t tell anyone about it. No one cares but the right people will notice and you will get rewarded.
    4) stay humble, be kind and never assume you’re the smartest person in the room. Always ask for help if you don’t understand something.
    5) never ever settle for any one girl that comes along. It’s better to go through life single than it would be to go through life with someone who you don’t like or aren’t compatible with. Looks aren’t everything. A good woman is a good woman no matter what she looks like. Treat her like she’s your everything and she will treat you the same.

  28. My advice to all the young guys on this Sub: when searching to see if your topic has been posted 5 billion times before, don’t use Reddit’s search function cause it sucks ass.

    Go to Google, and then search “Advice for Young Men Reddit” where you can properly find the 5 billion other exact same topics with the exact same responses posted.

  29. Be practical. Form practical achieveable goals. Anyone who tells you some bullshit like: follow your dreams, things will work out, etc. etc.; is not your friend.

  30. Don’t have kids out of marriage is my ultimate advice. At the very least just make DAMN SURE she is a great woman who you’re happy to take care of your kids and be in contact with for the rest of your life.

  31. Don’t treat your body like a rental.
    Take care of your knees.
    Use sunscreen.
    Never say “This edible isn’t kicking in so give me another” (applies to shrooms, too)
    No opiates
    No drunk driving
    If they’re still alive, call your grandparents.

  32. Don’t buy a brand new car. The novelty wears off real quick. You want a new-ish car? Buy one that’s a couple years old – half the price and almost all the longevity of a new vehicle.

  34. You can tell a lot about the person you’re dating by who their friends are and how those friends treat you. They’re less interested in putting up a front while dating (everyone does it while dating, it’s how the game is played) and are going to be more honest with you, intentionally and unintentionally.

  35. 1. Save your money. Now.
    2. Find someone smart to help you invest your savings.
    3. Pay close attention to your microbiome. Long (or even short) courses of antibiotics can fuck you up beyond repair. Eat more fiber, daily. Diversify your diet and heavy up on fruits, vegetables and legumes.
    4. Eat fermented foods daily.
    5. Meditate daily for mental health.
    6. Do yoga regularly to stay limber.
    7. Don’t wait to travel.
    8. There is no shame in therapy if it helps you.
    9. Find something to be passionate about
    10. Find others who share your passion.
    11. If you have a health issue, don’t procrastinate. Get it checked out sooner rather than later.
    12. Start your own business.
    13. Have more fun!

  36. 32 here. Having just gone through your phase and finding what I consider success – I have some advice.

    1) Life is full of ups and downs. Focus on staying level headed through everything.

    2) Focus on yourself. Your growth as a person, your hobbies and interests, and figuring out what you want out of life. At a certain point, you realize the true value of time and you’ll seek fulfillment much more. This will be much more important in the long run than trying to force the borderline relationships you have with social connections now.

    3) Love is all that matters. Keep the people you love – your friends, family, pets, partner – close and care for them. These people and animals are what make the moments outside of work worth it.

    4) Your career is not really about “working hard.” You should be focusing on learning to function and succeed in the environment your profession provides. Navigating relationships and developing strong ones with your team, being accountable and contributing to your team and/or group, and learning how to think and be proactive instead of waiting to be given instructions. Working smarter is always better than working hard – couple the two and you’ll win.

    5) Do not compromise in relationships. It’s one thing to forgive or be understanding, but hold onto your values and the mutual respect you expect in a relationship. So many times I’ve tolerated things for the sake of the relationship, lost them anyway and realized I was happier outside it. This goes for friends and partners.

    6) Find passionate people. Bonus points if it’s something you love or are interested in. If you share common ground with someone that is passionate about something else you are not, admire that – you will learn about something new and maybe even be motivated to pursue your own passions more yourself. The relationships I have where the other person and I feed off each other are the best IMO.

    7) Learn to provide healthy meals for yourself affordably and so that you cook for yourself on a regular basis. You will save tons of money and not eat all the garbage that’s readily available (fast food, etc.).

    8) Do not be afraid of failure. You’ve heard this a million times. Especially in your career, you’ll learn you cannot grow and advance unless you try and fail. Criticism is literally the life blood to your success. Embrace it and be humble, people will take notice of your willingness to learn and improve.

    9) Remember important dates for others and celebrate their successes, etc., with them. It fees damn good to truly want to see others win and celebrate after watching them get there. It’s nice to have those people care when you win too.

    10) Everything is connected, consider this when you decide what type of energy to put into the world. Think about throwing a rock into water, all of the ripples that flow out and effect other things. The things you say and do will shape your relationship with everyone else around you. People talk, and you’d be surprised how people you never thought would even interact will and how it will effect you.

    11) My last point. Never become complacent or think you’ve reach the peak. In all areas of your life, if you stop working or caring, you will fall behind in some way. You stop working out, then some time later you step on the field and can’t keep with the action. You stop trying and caring in a relationship, and one day you don’t hear from your friends or the person you love leaves you. You coast and check out at work only caring about the biweekly paycheck, you wake up ten years later with the same paycheck – maybe even without it.

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