My (22M) GF (22F) of about 7 months was talking to me about the sex we had the other day and how she loved it when I stuck my finger inside her asshole during PIV. She told me before that she wasn’t into threesomes/gangbangs or anything of that sort. The only thing she mentioned was that she would be down for a threesome with 2 fictional winged characters of a book series she was reading. After that happened, I asked her again whether she has a thing for that or whether she fantasizes about it, and she said yes — but then tried to play it down by saying that this won’t be possible of course and that this is a fantasy that won’t come true ever.
I, being the loving BF that I am and a generally openminded person, told her that she could fulfill her fantasies one day. She then replied by saying that she wants to stay with me — implying that I won’t approve of her doing that in our traditional monogamous relationship. Then our discussion were like this:
bf: I would let you pursue that fantasy but it has to be with two other guys (not including me) you trust and both have to use condoms & get tested. And you will promise not to mention it to me again
confused, annoyed, and somewhat angry gf: YOU WOULD LET ME FUCK TWO OTHER GUYS????
bf: Yes. Yes, I would, but on the conditions I’ve just mentioned
gf: TWO GUY NOT EVEN INCLUDING YOU???
bf: Yes, not including me because it will be hard for me to watch that even if I will participate. I am just not into this.
gf: No! I am not going to do that. END OF DISCUSSION!!
bf: But I thought you wanted to do that. It is your fantasy after all.
gf: I thought you actually wanted me and that you would hold onto me!!!
bf: I never said that I will leave you!
gf: so you will just let me fuck other guys?
bf: Didn’t I already answer that? I would allow you to have a threesome with two guys you trust \*\*once\*\* on the condition that you let me know first and use protection, yes.
gf: ????????
gf: OK
bf: OK
Now I am super confused about her response. Like, I thought I was giving her more freedom and letting her pursue her fantasies — especially stuff like this that I won’t be able to fulfill, ever. But she didn’t take it that way. She was really really annoyed that I wasn’t possessive over her and trying to “keep her to myself”. I don’t understand why she would be really annoyed because of that. The only thing I have in mind that could explain this is her thinking that I am giving her this freedom so that I could do the same in the future — and that she is definitely against.
IDK. Is that normal? Should I take that as an indication of anything? What do you think? And how should I handle stuff like this in the future?
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TL;DR: GF said that having a threesome is a fantasy of hers but she won’t do it for me. I said no, you can actually do it. GF was mad because I wasn’t possessive over her.
13 comments
Sounds like her fantasy was more of an idea and not something she really wants in real life
Dude you just fell into one of the dumbest arguments of all time. There was no right answer. The right answer was sensing where that conversation was going and steering away from it, not barreling head first.
It’s like trying to find an answer to “do you think that girl is pretty?” The only right answer is to NOT answer. “Not as pretty as you!”
Rookie mistake, mate. Rookie mistake.
Sometimes a fantasy really is just that, a fantasy. I don’t know how to explain it better.
There are a couple reasons I can think of, which might be a little weird but I’m gonna explain anyway. First, your gf may be assuming that by bringing this up and being so open about your comfort with this situation, you would then expect her to return the favor and let you sleep with a different girl. Anxiety does that. Also, it’s not actually common for people to be openly in sexual/romantic relationships with more than one person. If you want, you could look into polyamory. It’s different from polygamy (most people don’t realize that) and your girlfriend might not be understanding that difference. I think it’s really cool of you to be so open with her, as communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship, but not everyone is actually comfortable with fulfilling their sexual fantasies. Like, I definitely wouldn’t want to have a threesome irl but the thought can turn me on sometimes.
Sometimes fantasy is just fantasy. And she probably also didn’t like the fact that you didn’t wanna be a part of that. If she even considered having 3some with 2 men she probably imagined you being one of them. So that must really hurt when someone is like nah dude. Have it with 2 other dudes I don’t wanna be a part of your fantasy.
I assume she‘s talking about the ACOTAR series. If that‘s the case maybe i could provide some possible explanation.
The males in the book are very protective alpha males in a romantic kind of way. Maybe she‘s not just into the characters themselves because they are described as super sexy warriors, etc. Maybe it‘s also their way of being protective over their one true love kinda thing that she likes about them.
So yeah it is a fantasy for her because she grew kind of emotional attached to the characters, so i think she wouldn‘t be into having sex with two guys that „act“ as them, because she can‘t make that connection to the book and it just doesn‘t work like that.
In my opinion she just wanted to share about her thoughts and how she really likes them, not as in „i want to go for a threesome with 2 guys acting like novel characters“.
Again, these are my assumptions since i‘ve read the books myself. Correct me if i am wrong. 🙂
Ummm… bro your well meaning ass fucked it up. Women want to know that you desire them and are **possessive** about them. In her mind, this shows that you don’t care much and therefore, might even have a side chick (because what man would let his gf sleep with others if he isn’t sleeping with other women). I’m sure your heart is in the right place… but yeah. This is my guess.
Wtaf did I just read
Yeah I don’t think she is able to understand at this stage. You tried.
You fucked that one up… But you can fix it. Now she thinks you don’t care about her at all and you want a pass to sleep with other women.
Let her know you love her and apologize for freaking her out.
Right now she feels judged and unwanted. That’s never going to be a fantasy that actually happens so why bring it up.
By telling her what she’s allowed to do and giving her a bunch of conditions that you set, you’re being possessive in all the wrong ways. In the coming future she’s going to test this and probably flirt with another guy to see how you’ll react.
Don’t overthink the situation
Maybe she was annoyed because you were chill and not being possessive.
Okay she did bring it up, but she brought it up casually. You should have left it at “we could discuss that in the future.” Let HER bring it up again if she truly wanted to pursue it. Your intentions were good, but you forced a conversation she didn’t want to have.
Never ever miss a good chance to shut up..you alredy said too much