I have been in a 12 year relationship, ended it 7 months ago when we almost got engaged broke it off due to family conflict.
He said that he will not go to other girls and expressed to me that he will be 100% financially independent (in terms of wedding fees because of the big wedding culture here) so we wont have to get our families blessing.
3 months later he went on to tinder, met with girls, brought those girls to meet his friends as well. He told me about it because of his guilt.
Proceeded to on and off he would come back to me when I’m happier and moving on, mind you I also had a miscarriage with him and assumed that after everything I’ve been through, he would choose me in the end. Now I hear he’s close to one girl from his friends. His friends expressed I should move on. I am severely depressed. Please help me to see his point of view for some closure. I feel played over and over again.. I’m so upset and hopeless now
4 comments
His point of view? You broke it off 7 months ago so he is single. Sounds like there are some hidden things here – family issues, miscarriage… very confusing and basically his view is that you are not together and he is correct. If there was a plan to always marry after say 12 months and he made a promise and then broke that promise that is one thing. It depends on what you were expecting from him that he didn’t do? Did he break it off when the key issues happened? Did he cheat on you whilst together? Figure out what are the things he did wrong and see if they are unforgivable or not.
He sounds like someone who doesn’t really know himself well, his emotions, or what he wants, so just does whatever feels good in the moment, regardless of how it impacts others, or himself in the long run.
Both men and women do this. And it’s not about you, it’s about them. Please move on from this person. Focus on people that know how they feel and know what they want and communicate this openly and honestly, ie focus on people who are worthy of trust. If you’re not sure how to do this, I’ve got a list of behaviors that highlight trustworthiness, that can help. If you’re interested in that, let me know, and I’ll send it your way.
You spelled it all out that he is playing you. He knows exploring his options and he wants you to hold on just in case he became a better option than what he has. Do you want a guy who’s out with other girls now? Of course you do not and you’re better off finding someone else now. That relationship is over and to be engaged for 12 years and not married is not the best thing anyway. Do you guys live together? Did you live together?
Being with someone that long you should get a idea if the relationship is worth saving or not. Im sorry that you have issue within it and I get that you want to get married. I just dont think every relationship should result in marriage. But many people have had nice weddings on a small budget so money shouldnt be a huge concern.