What is something a past SO has said to you that still hurts you to this day?

43 comments

  2. “Don’t get hysterical, it’s not like you haven’t been raped before. You weren’t even conscious, you didn’t feel it”.

  3. “You deserved to be raped, and quit lying, of course you liked it, your a guy, every guy likes sex”

    I was drunk and repeatedly told the sober girl no.

    Edit: I’m so sorry to everyone! I didn’t realize this was on r/askwomen for clarification I am a guy

  4. I’ll start!

    When I was 17, my boyfriend was “going down” on me and afterward made the comment “I hate going down on you. Truthfully, you stink and it makes me want to puke.”

    For clarification, I am a very clean person. Hygiene is important to me. Looking back, I know the comment was made by an inexperienced and immature boy. I’m not sure what he was expecting vaginas to smell like, but 7 years later and I still can’t get over it.

    To this day, I won’t allow a man to go far enough down there to smell me unless I’ve been in a committed relationship and even then I get severe anxiety over it.

  5. You make everything worse. He said that to me when I was trying to console and show him support cause he felt like a failure. He told ne there is no right answers that I could say. It was the way he said it that hurt me like he didn’t give s care. At that point I knew we just needed part ways. He had a way of making me feel awful and drained all the time while making me believe his problems were my fault. So glad when it was over.

  6. “You look homely today.”

    👏THEN👏WHY👏ARE👏YOU👏DATING👏ME👏

    A real ignorant asshole. Didn’t even take care to realize how harsh his words were. Glad I dodged that bullet. Never settle, you deserve the world in your love life.

  8. ” Ew you have pancake nipples”

    “Ew what are these dangly things between your legs”

  9. “Dating someone else makes it much easier to move on.” Umm thanks for telling me I was so easy to get over after 8 years.

  11. After 2 years of being told that he likes me a lot, I finally asked if he loved me. He replied that only part of him did. He said his heart could never be open to love me. He had plenty of opportunities to tell me that. I led the conversation that way when I brought up issues and my feelings. It hurt and pissed me off. Haven’t spoken to him since.

  12. “Your father raped you for a good reason, pathetic whore” this particular ex has a way with words and being extremely manipulative, abusive and it took so much bravery out of me to leave that relationship

  13. “are you sure those pants arent…too skinny?”

    I really don’t care that it was an ex that said it, because regardless of who it was or what they meant to me at the time, it would’ve stung me for years anyways.

    I’m 88~ lbs as a grown woman and have always been under 90lbs. but he was basically asking me if I bought pants that were too small but no, they in fact fit perfectly fine which made me feel disgusting. they were size 00 in super skinny fashion. the only pants that fit me because the store was an emo skinny-centered store (in 2014, but they sell average clothes and sell plus size now).

    man. I hate my body.

  14. Who the fuck is (Friend’s name)??? You cheap ass slut!!
    After one of my best friends from my home country posted on my Facebook wall wishing me a happy birthday and the best.
    The audacity!!Guess who was trying to screw almost anything that moved??

  15. “You’re not even a good *insert dream career*”

    Then said ex becomes successful at that career.

    Still stings 5 years later.

  18. I think it’d be interesting to also hear what a current SO has said that still hurts today.

  19. “You would’ve made a terrible mother.”

    About four hours after I’d had an abortion, he broke up with me. I had to gather all my stuff at his house and before he closed the door in my face, that’s what he said to me.

  20. After 10 years: “I wish SHE was my girlfriend and YOU were my side piece.”

    And after realizing I was raped by a 50 ye old man in 2nd grade… “Quit freaking out. It’s not abuse when it happens young enough.”

  21. I made the mistake of asking my ex what he would rate me on a scale of 1 to 10. I was expecting something along the lines of “Don’t ask me something like that. Numbers do not and should not determine how beautiful you are… yadda yadda.” The answer I got? “Hmm… 7/10. How about me?” I was crushed. I was going to tell him he was a 10/10 or even better, but after I heard this, I told him he was a 9/10. After this, I texted my best friend and told her what he said. She scolded him pretty hard, considering just a few days later I got an apology from him and some expensive jewelry (which has long since been donated). The rest of our relationship, which was much longer than I’d like to admit, I *knew* that he thought I was a 7/10. But he always explained that to him, it meant “perfect” as “10/10 is impossible.” He always told me I was beautiful, but after hearing his honest 7/10 review, I always thought lower of myself.

  22. “I fundamentally do not like you as a person” and “You deserve to have no friends and be alone.”

    All on the same day. And I put on a brave face and went on a trip with him later that day and pretended like everything was okay in front of friends. God, I’m so glad I’m out of that abusive relationship.

  23. “I thought you were playing hard to get.”

    After he sexually assaulted me. I don’t understand how the words, “I do not want to be with you” and “No” mean that I was playing hard to get.

  24. When I was 19 I had my first ever date with my now ex husband. We met online and I went up to meet him and I panicked and snuck by and left and sat across the road trying to psyche myself up because of my social anxiety and self esteem problems. I ended up bailing but went over and apologized in person. He tried again and I struggled through awkwardly. Next date I tried to bail after 30 seconds but he stuck around.I always thought it was because he really liked me.My ex husband said to a group of our friends when we were all hanging out and they asked why he kept trying. Me there expecting a kind of sweet reply.
    “I was desperate and tired of being the only single friend in the group.”
    We’d been together 6 years at that point and I’ve always struggled with feeling like people didn’t really like me, only hung out with me because of my friend, who is the reason I have that issue to begin with.
    Now I’m permanently worried someone might settle for me because they don’t have a better option not because they actually want me.

    Oh also when we’d been together 8 years and our 1 year old son was in surgery.
    “If you ever fall for someone else I’m taking son away from you”
    I laughed thinking he must be joking…he was not I told him how upset I was because he knew my parents divorce was awful and I’d never do that to him. His reply
    “Well then don’t leave me.”
    That was where the last of any feelings I had for him died.

  25. Hunni now that you lost some weight I want to have sex with you again. Guess what didn’t happen

  26. I’m so sorry to say this, but reading these made me feel better in the sense that I am currently going through something really bad in my relationship and these make me feel like I am not alone. For the record all of these are terrible and I am sorry you all were told such hurtful things

  27. You aren’t wife material, no one will ever want to marry you.

    This was 8 years ago and it still devastates me when I think about it.

  29. First date went really well, and if I was a woman who believed in sex before marriage, I would have taken him home that night. I wore a really cute loose dress that showed off my figure but not my fat. Second date was a total bust…I wore jeans and had been worrying that seeing my thighs “for real” would bother him, and I still wonder if it did because on a phone call a weekish while later he said, “I’m not attracted to you.” We had talked way too late and somehow this was the last real statement before a very quick goodbye. He later attempted to clarify that it was a personality attraction, not physical, but I don’t really believe that. Now I can confidently say I’m glad it didn’t work out, but I still get teary eyed when I think about it.

  30. “You’re boring.”

    It still hurts me sometimes but I keep my chin up and remember that he was someone who needed way more stimulation to be entertained. I wasn’t boring, he was just bored by almost everything.

  31. “You are cold and robotic.”

    Great, so as someone who was judged and criticized when I was young for having basic emotions, and learning to hide them, looks like I am fucked either way. Lmao. I cannot win.

  32. (T.M.I.) I was riding my ex husband reverse cowgirl in the backseat of my car. He grabs my stomach and says “you need to lose this” as we’re having sex.

    I’m not even big. He was just so cruel. I am extremely insecure of my body to this day. He was hypercritical of everything. Mentally abusive and many other things.

    Happily divorced, I have a zero tolerance policy on bullshit.

  33. “Your nose looks like a dick and you have bbq B.O.”

    also

    “Why can’t you just be like other girls??”

    Bro obvs because I have a dick nose and mesquite pits that’s why!!

  34. We were cuddling after sex and he was kinda rubbing his hand up and down my back. Then he looks into my eyes and says, “maybe I’ll keep you around for a few more years. To pay my bills.”

    For context I was madly in love with him and working my ass off so I could pay both of our bills–he didn’t work of course.

    Other ones that stick from him:

    “You’ll never be beautiful. Just accept it. You aren’t. You could maybe pass as cute if you worked hard enough. Maybe.”

    “I’ve been with far better than you.. You’ll never be half the woman most of them were.”

    Edit: punctuation is important kids

  35. “No one will ever love you the way I do, you’ll just end up alone”

    Not because the words still hurt, I’m happily married. Because I feel sad for myself for how long I believed him. I let him cheat on me for years because he fully convinced me it was true and the thought of being alone forever was a haunting thought as an early 20-something.

  36. Let’s see. All from the same guy I dated in college. “If you lost 10 lbs and dyed your hair blonde, you’d be really hot.” (I was 5’9″ & 140 lbs and pretty darn cute). “My friends wonder how I can date you with your face like that but I said it isn’t so bad.” (I have like 3 chicken pox scars on my cheek.) And “If we get married and you get fat, I’d divorce you.” (Didn’t marry him but am fat now.) He also used to make me exercise with him to the point of me vomiting.

  37. “ You’d look better if you lost some weight “….To this day I’m scared to get into a relationship no matter how ready I think I am

  38. “You’re like a cactus. You don’t require much attention”
    As he handed me a cactus on my birthday.
    I don’t even like cacti.

  39. Mine wasn’t words just actions. Hey kept saying he “loves me,” but would hurt me by ignoring or even demeaning me

  40. “You would be more attractive if you went to the gym”

    “You function better outside of relationships than in one”

    “You make people uncomfortable when you speak, so let me do the talking”

  41. My ex told me he was embarrassed of me. He thought I was to fat.
    That was over 30 years ago, it still has effect on me.

    Luckily I have someone who thinks I beautiful in my life now.

  42. Oh boy, I’ve got a few that stood out, from my husband of 16 years, ‘you know you’d still be quite pretty if you lost 10 kilos, shame about your stomach’, ‘do you know how ugly you look when you cry, like a two year old’, ‘can we just do doggy style, I hate seeing your tits flop in my face’ to the best of all time, screamed at me over and over, spitting in my face, ‘why can’t you just die faster, its taking too long’. I am terminally sick and under palliative care with about 12-18 months left. He left me 12 months ago when I really started getting sick. At the time I didn’t realise how beaten down I was until he left.

  43. Idk if it’ll hurt me forever, but my ex was taking me for granted, even if he wouldn’t admit it. I lived with his family during the pandemic due to having a bit of a fall-out with my own.

    Of course I liked sleeping in bed next to him. But eventually he put a higher priority on video games. I wouldn’t have minded if he stayed up till 2am or whatever playing them while I slept, but I really wanted a set time of night to be “our time” to stay connected and all. Like maybe he could cuddle with me in bed at like 9 and then go play his video games or something. He was barely into it. One time I was trying really hard, I tried very hard all throughout to hold his attention past the honeymoon phase.

    I was nude, I was happy, I was trying to be sexy. I was like “Hey, isn’t it great that you get to fall asleep next to someone you love?!”
    And with the most bored, disengaged tone of voice, he simply said “I do that every night.” And went back to playing.

    We broke up just short of 3 years together.

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