My(18f) boyfriend(20m) and I have been together for a little under a year. He is more sexually experienced than I am; however, I am starting to wonder if some of the things he’s led me to believe is just “healthy sex life” stuff is just not true.
And sadly, I’m starting to dread our time together because I know 4+ hours of the night will be just sex and I’m starting to feel taken advantage of and worn out. He likes to prolong it and foreplay is a big part of it for him. Don’t get me wrong; I love most of what we do but damn, it’s nice to also meet up with friends and go out on dates and watch movies or hike or whatever else too. I would happy cutting our sex time in half. On days when we’re together all day, we have a great time doing other activities and laughing and being friends with a lot of common interested but I also know that when we get back to one of our places that sex will take over the rest of the night.
One of the things that is getting to me lately is when I’m going down on him. He will be about to cum and will push my head away and I can tell he’s trying to suppress the orgasm so it will last longer. I asked him about this once to see if everything was okay and he confirmed he likes the way it feels and wants to prolong it. The problem is that he does this several times and by the time he finally decides he’s ready, I am absolutely spent. My jaw has even locked up and my mouth has lost all sensation. One time my lips swelled up so much it looked like I had been stung haha. He also likes to grab my head at times and go very deep which has also given me a sore throat if he does that for too long. I think the longest time was about an hour and a half. Usually I go down on him for about an hour.
But then it’s not over and he wants to continue with more foreplay and have sex too once he’s aroused again, which means the entire evening is just sex and sometimes I’m not even aroused anymore by the time he’s finished. The other side of the coin is that he also wants to spend a long time on me too but frankly I don’t need to experience sex this way. If I orgasm when it happens naturally I feel happy. Going too long, I start to lose sensation and it becomes less pleasurable.
It’s honestly exhausting and I’ve told him how I feel. He kinda seemed hurt and I felt like a wuss for complaining. I’m wondering if maybe I need to toughen up and most people don’t think twice about hour long blowjobs and 4 hours of being sexual every single time you have intimacy. Thoughts? Am I in the wrong for feeling a bit resentful?
17 comments
No, you’re in the right -it’s your body and up to you. He sounds way exhausting. At 38 years old I don’t even give head anymore. It fucked my jaw up and my current partner doesn’t even want it (he was sexually abused by his neighbor when he was six and it reminds him of it). He prefers to eat me out for an hour instead. Both partners should be good with the sex in the relationship. He needs to finish earlier on the BJ’s, it sounds like you put forth a lot of effort and he’s being a selfish asshole. 4 hours for sex every night?! This guy is living the dream with you and it sounds hellish to be on the other end of it. Stand up for yourself.
I love sex and that sounds like way, way too much. What he’s doing is called edging, but I find it unkind to make your partner edge you, especially orally, for too long. It’s super fun to edge them with a hand, but he’s basically just using your mouth as a sleeve.
I wouldn’t want a relationship where the only thing you ever do is *four hours* of sex. Where’s the rhythm? The fun? The desperate quickie? There’s lots of ways to be boring and I wouldn’t put up with this either. You two might just be sexually incompatible.
Wow that is an incredible ask to make of you every time you have sex. From start to finish our sex lasts about 30-45 minutes. Thats usually him eating me out til I finish, penetrarive sex, and then usually another orgasm for me. If he is just eating me out? 5-15 minutes, if it is me sucking his dick? 10-20. You need to find some compromise here! YOUR SEX LIFE ISN’T JUST WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WANTS! Your role is not to edge him and give him a mind blowing orgasm every time. Sometimes we just need..regular orgasms lmao.
That’s definitely excessive. I love giving blow jobs, which I’ll happily do without prompt several times a week. Even so, my sessions will last maybe about half an hour. It can go longer if we’re both really into it and enjoying too much to stop, but it stops being fun when one of us has started to have enough.
If you’re expressing to him that you’re uncomfortable and he’s being passive to how you feel and how it’s hurting you, then I’d question whether you two are sexually compatible. You should never feel like you HAVE to do a sexual act if you don’t want to, so if you feel that way and even after expressing how you feel, he continues, I’d seriously say you need to have a good think about whether you’re right for eachover.
You’re totally not in the wrong. Oral sex normally lasts like 10-15 minutes for us. Oral sex+piv sex ~30-45 minutes.
As long as she wants. Any bodily fatigue I will happily push through. One of my past partners liked her G spot rubbed really hard. But since she moaned like crazy i was very happy to do it.
The fact he puts you in pain (swollen lip, sore throat) for his own pleasure is ridiculous. Doesn’t seem like he actually cares about you if his reaction to you explaining how you feel is to get upset and imply you’re a wuss.
You two are not sexually compatible.
And no. You aren’t a wuss or in the wrong. Most people don’t want a marathon like that. Especially an hour long blow job. Your poor jaw.
Everyone has their version of good sex. Your boyfriend has his. And, you have yours.
A “healthy sex life” is a sex life that you both enjoy together.
It sound like (and you have admitted) you are not enjoying your sex life as laid out by your boyfriend.
For my wife and I, we do around 30-60 minutes of sex per session. During that time, we will switch between her giving me blow jobs, me going down on her, penetration in various positions, fingering, massages, breast play, kissing, making out, using toys, etc.
All these activities are jumbled together and typically performed multiple times as we engage in different things.
Kissing, blow job, fingering, going down on her, penetration, kissing, fingering, going down on her, fingering, kissing, penetration, blow job, going down on her, etc, etc.
It is just all a meld of what we want to do to feel good at that moment.
We are basically edging each other the whole time, until ultimately my wife orgasms (2-8 times in a row) and then I orgasm. We are pretty much both exhausted after that and cuddle whole we (currently) watch an episode of Schitt’s Creek. Ha ha.
You are not in the wrong. You are not a wuss. You know what you want. Explain that to him. Have a conversation and decide what is best for both of you.
All that aside. One hour of giving head is, in my opinion, completely unreasonable. Unless you really want to do that. Which it sounds like you do not in any way at all. To expect something like this is very inconsiderate. But, you do need to tell him that.
Yeah sounds like he’s in the wrong 1hr of head??? And over a span of 4 hours??
Yeah I’d dread it too , don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself tell him you’re not going to do it with him if he’s only getting his needs satisfied,if he throws a huge fit I’d say red flag narcissistic behavior #dumphim.
Dam 4 hours every time ?? Lol I only did that maybe 20 times total, and most of those were with 1 woman who could go on the whole night every night which I’m not gonna lie I loved that but I was in my early 20s so I could cum a good 5 times every time I seen her. I’m 31 now and if I get 2 I’m satisfied, 3 I’m more than happy lol but every single night 4 hours +! That is crazy lol I would tell him you can’t keep up, for anyone man or woman that is a lot to ask. He should understand just don’t do it before sex. Tell him one day that you know you aren’t going to have sex and explain it just like you did here.
When my lady goes down I put her in control. I believe she just wants it to be good (not prolonged). Today it was less than 10 minutes.
It usually takes her a bit longer. Maybe 15-20 minutes to reach orgasm. She’s a tough nut to crack.
I’d rather have more frequent, shorter sessions. 4 hours is way too long for us. The sweet spot is about 30 minutes, most of which is foreplay. Enough time that it’s not quite a quickie; but short enough that it fits in our busy lives.
You should discuss with him that it’s overwhelming you. Dialing it back will be better for you (relationship-wise and sexually) in the long run.
Your allowed to set boundaries.
That’s a lot of time you spend on oral and sex. Apart from quickies Typically ours range 30 mins to an hour tops when we take our time with foreplay, oral and penetration.
Talk to him. I know you have but try this approach:
Tell him what you love about your sex life and some particulars he does that make you feel good. Then tell him about the things that need to change. Tell him that you can’t do it for 4 hours every single time. Tell him how your mouth starts to hurt , how you dry up and how uncomfortable and sometimes painful it feels for you that eventually your just turned off and while its still pleasurable for him, it’s not for you. Once in a while if you’re able, do the edging and long sessions … emphasize ONCE IN A WHILE as a treat.
You can set boundaries hun. The human body can only take so much . Once your limit is reached that’s it. Definitely compromise but you can’t be the only one compromising all the time.
Hope this helps good luck.
Your bf has a problem with sex… quantity doesn’t mean quality in your case.
He sounds like he’s trying to be a porn star actor thinking he can go all night, edging his partner for too long( from the way you write it he treats you like his sex toy) and I bet you he watches a lot of porn. He’s focusing too much on the sex and that way he’s covering up the fact that he’s probably got a problem with intimacy.
I might add that his behavior is selfish. Sex should be fun and nurturing for both partners and it’s clear from what you write here that this isn’t the case for you. I should know… I’ve got a lot of negativity around sex ( read my last post) so I’m trying to change my own mindset.
This is what I’m seeing here.
Sounds like he is edging , prolonging it as long as he can for a better org , you need to find someone that pleases you instead of the other way around
First don’t feel like a wuss. Second, that dude is 20… I was getting off to my gf about two to four times a night. I didn’t keep up with the hours but it was a long time. Yes I liked and still do making it last. HE IS 20… that dude has more sex hormones raging in his body then he’ll have in his while life. He should thank you. He’ll never forget about you bc I don’t think any other woman is going to do what you did for him.
Now Im big on marriage and sex. I believe y’all should be getting married or y’all should be thinking of getting married if you’re going to have sex at this time. But Tell him you want sex your way one night. He can have another night. But have communication. There is a way of bringing stuff off with out either of y’all getting offended.
The time he wants you to spend on oral sex and your lips swelling and your jaw even locking sometimes, it sounds so emotionally draining. I feel like your boyfriend is not aware of how damaging this is for you, both psychically and psychologically. I’m glad you mentioned you’ve talked to him and I hope it has risen his awareness. Communication is key for a well-functioning relationship.
I assume the reason you have tolerated his sexual wants so far is because you love him a lot. Of course compromising is good and necessary for a relationship to work out, just please make sure that it’s not one-sided.
Not everyone wants the same things in sex, and that’s okay. We aren’t sexually compatible with everyone, and it’s good to have a partner whom we share the same (sexual) preferences with. You two should rethink about it, or try finding a way to balance what both of you want. Compromises should be made from both sides. Personally, either way I would be having second thoughts about being with someone who has wants that opposite to mine.