So my husband makes quiet a bit more than I and, I basically make way less. He also has a side business and earns income. So he has been putting me down and wants me to pay half of everything. Let’s say he makes 40+k a year and I make a steady 19k.while I work full time and trying to futher my career to make more. We live in his mom’s house and pay rent. He pays rent,power,water,gas and car insurance. Every other week we split grocery shopping. Now I pay for ALL the household needs. Everything inside I brought to the table, I pay
health,dental,vision insurance life insurances and pay mine and.kids phone bill and house Internet. This leaves me with maybe 50$ every 2 weeks for “extras” sometimes a little more. Soon will have to pay for childcare (on my own) 75 a week. I Won’t have any money left a month. Lately he’s been putting me down and asking I pay for half the bills. I work full time, care for the home inside and out majority of the time and kids Basicly on my own. He has ft work, side work and has managed to buy 5 cars for hobby projects and spends upwards of 150 a week on beer and other extra addictions. With plenty more he spends on himself, clothes shoes ECT. While my self and kids Basicly share clothing except the little one and I can occasionally buy coffee as an extra if budget permits that month. Am I crazy to think he should pay those bills since I do my share even if it’s not quite what his share is(being higher) or is he really a jerk that I’m fully believing he’s becoming. What am I missing? And also we have separate accounts because he kicked me out years ago when I was a stay home mom to the oldest and left me with nothing so after that I kept my money separate and because he’s a spender with cc debt, while I am more of a saver, no credit cards or debt. I’d have money saved if he didn’t suck my pockets dry ever chance he can.
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It doesn’t sound like you are approaching this as a team. Have you ever sat down together and planned a budget?
Be proportional in your mutual spending.
Make a rough monthly budget. If he makes say 50% more than you, he pays 50% more of your mutual expenses. That way you each pay the same proportion of your pay to your common expenses.
I would agree with another poster about being proportional, but with a caveat. If he makes 40 and you make 19, he essentially makes 2/3s and you make 1/3. So he pays 2/3 of the bills and you pay 1/3.
You said you have the insurance, so that needs to count toward your 1/3.
In your case, it seems like he has time for side hustles (above the 40k?) because you are taking care of kids and house. So that needs to be monetized somehow. Maybe he pays you a rate for his half of the childcare and chores that would fit market rates out of his side hustle money. Or the side hustles count toward his income and increase his percentage of the bills.
Or, you ask yourself if you really want to be with a man who allows you and your to live in poverty while he blows money on cars, alcohol, and addictions while you have all the responsibility and he constantly asks you for more.
A husband who puts you down isn’t really husband material. That’s a red flag. The fact that he still lives with his mom but makes enough to live on his own is a red flag as well
My wife and I put into the household budget based off our total income. I make 60% of our income and my wife makes 40% of our income. We then use this 60/40 ratio to pay our bills accordingly.
Before this we did 50/50 and it always left my wife struggling to keep up. I also found myself paying for all our extra (date night was always on me)because my wife was always tapped out.
Now with an EQUITABLE budget instead of an EQUAL budget my wife can take her trophy husband (her words not mine) out on a date. Seriously consider it, good luck.
If I was you I would find out how much a Nanny, personal chef, and cleaners cost.
Then bull him for it. Seriously you are a family. I still don’t understand guys who think, this is my money. When I got married actually when I made the commitment to my at the time partner and we moved in together it was always our money, our family. None of this well I earn so much more then you I can buy more.
He needs to start paying what you are worth for looking after his children and cooking food and cleaning the house if he wants to keep finances split!
I personally feel like once you’re married it’s both of your money despite differences in income, however, I think there should be an effort to spend proportionally based on what you make. My wife has made more than me in our last 4 years of marriage until this month so I was carful I didn’t spend too much of “her” money considering most of what she made paid for the bills.
A marriage where the main finances are on a *mine and theirs* rather than *ours* isn’t going to thrive.
I think you should remind him that you’re a team and should work together to make everyones life better. I make about 3x more than my wife makes. We both work full time, I pay the mortgage and all the bills except the phone. My wife pays for groceries and the phone bill. I still have money of my own to save or spend how I please and so does she. It’s a team effort.
I would not like this. I would put all the money together and then we take and spend freely. No splitting nothing. This way everyone can relax and buy what they want and when they want.
If your job gives you both health insurance then remind him that costs over 2k a month to buy and you’ll gladly split the cost with him.
I’m a fan of joint accounts. Both incomes go into the joint account, all common bills are paid out of it. At some fixed monthly point, the remainder in the account less an agreed upon minimum is split between the partners in proportion to their contribution.
BTW, all kid expenses are common expenses. All hobby expenses are private expenses (even project vehicles).
This should work unless somebody has real issues controlling their spending urges.
My husband makes half of what I do. It’s our money though. We both have full access to all of it. Period. We are partners. We spend and save together. Your husband is an idiot. Make him pay for his share of all the children’s things and household stuff. If he is going to be petty and stupid about this make it a percentage of your income and his based on what you bring in. You’re legally entitled to “his” money any way as you’re married… You’d probably be better off dumping him and taking him for child support and alimony payments. You’d be surprised just how much you’d get. I don’t think you’d be left with only $50 to your name any longer.
I don’t like your husband’s actions one bit. I’m probably old enough to be his dad and if I was, I’d yell at him. This isn’t a family. This is at best roommates and him not supporting his own family. Shame on him.
To begin with, keeping score by income in a marriage is toxic. Is the engineer making $90K more valuable than the teacher making $50K? No. So if they split 50/50, one of the two has money left over while the other is left a pauper. That’s *exactly* what we have here and it’s terrible of him doing that to his own family.
He’s selfishly running around spending on himself and not for his own family. Good fathers are notorious for providing everything their family needs to the point that they go without. I can’t begin to count the number of times that I didn’t buy clothes so that my kids could have the clothing they needed. Guys like me kind of take pride with our out-of-style dad clothes.
He’s been abusive to you in the past and honestly, I’m left thinking about this article: [It Took Divorce to Make My Marriage Equal](https://www.glamour.com/story/it-took-divorce-to-make-my-marriage-equal). Of course, she’s talking about chores but what I’m thinking is that the judge would force him to support his kids for the first time in his life. If that happens, you need a fierce lawyer to ensure that you and the kids are treated fairly.