We have been dating for a month so far and we see each other 5 times a week or more, we have sex almost daily. She (28 F) told me (31 M) a week ago that she is being faithful and is not seeing anyone else and today she said the said. However, I found out that she is talking with a guy daily, they flirt and they call each other beautiful and more.
Should I do anything about this or is it too early? How should I approach the issue if I should?
This bothers me because she has been lying, and I didn’t even ask to be faithful, she brought up the issue.
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Help please.
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Thanks!
49 comments
Dump her, she lied. Particularly if it was unprompted.
Hard pass for me. Once a liar, always a liar. I’d cut my loss and move on. That’s basically cheating. Are you ok with a cheater?
Yeah she’s done this before. Bye bye
Is it a friend? Especially a gay friend?
Just confront her about it and tell her how you found out.
Oh you deserve so much better. Please don’t settle for this kind of treatment. Let the other guy get cheated on and you go find a real woman. I’m sorry this has happened to you.
>Should I do anything about this
Find out who that guy is, flirt with him even harder, then fuck him and send her a pic, to assert dominance. /s
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On a serious note, I say just walk away. It’s extra shady that she brought up the faithful thing. It’s like she was trying to make sure you can’t be with anyone else, meanwhile she’s free to do what she wants with others. Kinda fucked up honestly.
I guess if you just want a casual hook up, maybe just ask her if she’s just flirting or actually doing something with others, and maybe you can keep hooking up, but be prepared for her to be hooking up with others too, so if that’s a boundary for you, leave.
But if you want anything more than a casual thing with her, then just leave, she can’t be trusted.
Info: OP, how did you find this out? I’m assuming you looked through her phone?
Either way sounds like someone not to continue with. A month in and seeing each other this often, how does she have time for someone else?
But I’m guessing you snooped, and that’s also a dealbreaker to me. Both of you should move on.
the obvious answer is dump her, etc
however I would be curious as to HOW you found out she was talking to a guy, flirting with him, and they call each other beautiful. Did you see it in her phone or did she tell you this? Or did some random third party tell you?
In case 1, I’d be curious as to what constitutes “flirting” via a phone. Calling someone beautiful seems suss but I mean honestly I have multiple guys who will compliment my appearance if I post to my Instagram… doesn’t mean I’m into them
In case 2, I don’t understand how you could have *avoided* this convo – even if she’s a liar, this means you have to work through being passive and confrontational to a debilitating degree. Like it just seems really bizarre if she was saying “I flirt with this guy every day” and you were like “hm, gotcha.”
In case 3, I would make sure that the third party isn’t exaggerating things
You said you agreed to be faithful. I don’t know what that means. Typically you agree to exclusivity. When you have that conversation you discuss what that means to each other. Frankly, agreeing to be exclusive in less than a month is really really fast. Additionally, you seem extremely insecure. You found out she was talking with another guy? How? But more importantly, what do you know about her relationship with him? How do you know they are not just friends? Depending on how you found this information out would depend on how you can approach her about it.
As far what you should do, honestly, nobody here can actually give you a good answer. We don’t know you, how you and her feel about each other, etc. it’s pure speculation.
So you have to go by your own standards and boundaries here. If you agreed to be faithful with each other and she’s done what you both agreed NOT to do, then she doesn’t respect you. If she didn’t come out and tell you and you found out on your own then she has also lied to you. I’m not accustomed to agreeing with the hive mentality of reddit all the time in regards to “dump them and move on”; however, in this case you are a month in and she’s already going back on things she’s said. Don’t consider someone a priority if you are only an option.
Rule of thumb: if someone says they are faithful unprompted multiple times, they are not in fact faithful
Do you have all the facts? How did you find this out?
Wowwww slow down, buddy.
It depends, what does being “faithful” mean and did you two discuss what that is for both of you? For some people, flirting with someone online etc isn’t being unfaithful and isn’t “seeing someone else”.
If you like her and see things going somewhere, have a conversation about what you are and what the definition means to both of you. Use specific examples and have a thorough conversation about it.
Have some dignity and self-respect…. Let her go and move on
The first month should be early days of the honeymoon period for a newly established relationship, so the fact she’s keeping another fellah interested with flirty texts should be a warning of how it’ll be once you’ve both more comfortable with each other and out of the honeymoon. How does she know this guy, long term friend, dating app or someone she met recently in a club? Getting jealous of her flirting with her platonic friend who’ve known each other for a decade is definitely a tricky one if they’ve always talked like that, she friendzoned him a long time ago, she might just be trying to boost his confidence not realising he might want something more and seeing the flirts as something more than what she means. Either way keep an eye on it, if she’s out clubbing without you, why?
Break up
Definitely a problem if you both agreed to be off the apps and exclusive. You are just finding out early on she doesn’t keep her promises.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Leaving her is going to be the best thing.
Leave.
Leave. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out if she’s actually with the guy or getting into the discussion of whether flirting is cheating.
Or wait until you have been together for 7 years to find out that the flirting she is doing has developed into more…don’t ask me how I know.
Bail! Bail hard and save yourself. She didn’t just lie she lied blatantly about being faithful. At one month in you don’t owe the relationship anything but you do owe yourself the protection from someone who would do this.
I’m sorry it’s happened. Save yourself the future hurt of trying to trust her again.
Did you mutually agree to be faithful or did she just say that she wasn’t dating anyone else?
Having a friend she’s flirty with doesn’t mean that she wasn’t faithful. It also might not mean she ever would be. For all you know, he’s gay AF.
It’s up to you if you talk to her in more detail about what “faithful” means to you or if you just want to dip, but that latter path is pretty immature.
I was in the same situation (except she was getting hinge notifications, I saw it when her phone lire up while I was showing her my favorite show), I said something, she said she wasn’t in the right head space for anything serious, and a week and a half later I saw her out with someone else.
You’re only hurting yourself by not addressing it after you both communicated that to each other, but you also have to respect that she has the right to multidate too. She’s most likely not on the same page as you, and it might not work out down the line. You have no sense of trust with her now.
For my personally it left me to address my own anxiety, social anxiety and insecurity in therapy (also made me quit OLD) but,
It’s a double edged sword, and sometimes thems just the brakes.
I’d say move on and take it way slower with the next one.
I was recently in a similar situation. If she said she was exclusive to you, then she lied. Also, I know this is kind of a grey area but if you’ve been talking for a month and she’s also seemingly established talking with someone else, thats kind of a red flag. It means shes probably been carrying on building another relationship simultaneously with yours. And probably not something she’s going to just cut off over night if at all. Id strongly recommend getting out now. People who play on the technicalities as an excuse to lead multiple people on are not good partners.
Sorry. If you’re sure it’s not a possible misunderstanding of some kind, then split.
Be glad you found out after 1 month versus several months or years. Ugh.
At a month I’m not sure this qualifies as cheating but it’s certainly a red flag that if you did have a relationship there might always be side pieces. I think it depends how bad you want the relationship. You could consider it a challenge and prove to her you are the better guy, or you could break it off as her being deceptive. The problem is there will likely always be more guys.
Talk to her. Nothing ruins a rationship worse than holding shit in. If you’re not comfortable with it, speak up. If she denies anything quickly and won’t listen. Leave it’s not worth your time any more.
Run
Dump her ass
Enjoy your turn brother, than onto something better
faithful is different from, “I haven’t started fucking anyone else, yet”.
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Agreeing to monogamy is a conversation, not an assumption.
There is nothing to do, let the woman have what she wants, and if you don’t like the situation, you are welcome to move on. More fish in the sea and all that.
Do the same thing she’s doing. See other people on the DL and keep sleeping with her. Make sure you have evidence of her lies beforehand.
Lies this early in your relationship (or whatever you wanna call it)? Nah, kick her to the curb
If she suggested y’all be faithful but yet is talking to another guy romantically, there is your answer. She is a liar. Now the question is do you want to be with a liar? Do you seriously want to be faithful to a liar? You have the opportunity to dodge a bullet.
1) How do you know that she’s talking to this guy, and what they’re saying to each other?
2) How do you know he’s not a friend? As has been mentioned in other comments, this could be a gay friend and this could be the dynamic of their friendship.
3) What did you guys mean by “faithful”? Did you discuss it to make sure it means the same thing to each of you? I’m monogamous, and even I think that word choice is weird and doesn’t automatically equate to exclusivity.
It’s a month and she’s already lying. Cut your losses
Depends what you want but a relationship started on lies won’t last
You’re worth more.
Ghost her. She doesn’t deserve closure.
Honestly dude, you dont wanna deal with this shit so soon. Especially since she brought up being faithful and is already projecting that kind of shit onto you
So, she agreed to be faithful (did she initiate that convo or did you bring it up and she agreed? Regardless–) and then basically immediately you find out she’s lying. You’re asking if you should brush it off because you haven’t been seeing each other that long…?
Are you serious about her? Do you guys use protection?
If you’re hoping to get serious about someone, then I say cut and run before you convince yourself you love this one. She seems very comfortable lying to you and hiding shit from you. Why would she bother falsely promising that she’s being faithful after a month if she had any respect for you? This is not a simple misunderstanding. She lied to you, deliberately. You’re not gonna train her out of that tendency.
It’s early. Dump her before you invest any more money or feelings. Not worth sticking around.
Sounds like my ex’s M.O., some want to be the dirty little secret or have it. And to quote her ‘People are gonna do what they want to.’ not exactly, but you get the thought.
Run!!!!
You should just say hey just want to let you I also talking to this girl besides you.
And I call her beautiful everyday.
She’ll freak out. And be like omg I’ve been faithful to you! Just like we promised each other.
Then be like bitchhhhhhhj u Lyin and so am I!
*click*
Then never respond to her ever again
It doesn’t sound like you have any sort of title with her. Why is she talking about being faithful if you aren’t together? This doesn’t add up to me.
Tbh you don’t know what “faithful” means to her, it could just mean she’s not sleeping with anyone else. Why not just ask her what her idea of faithfulness means? Seeing and sleeping with each other that frequently, I can’t see how she’d have time to be hooking up with someone else.
Hope you get some answers and update us. Good luck!