I see people who meet each other and within just an hour or are acting like they’ve known each other for years. over the past year, I’ve met hundreds of people. but I still can’t get over that weird formalness that non-friends have with each other.
I don’t know if it’s because they feel uncomfortable around me, or if it’s because I’m too emotionally closed off. but I worry that if I am vulnerable, everyone will instantly leave because have so many negative emotions. I’m usually the butt of jokes because I can’t really stick up for myself and make a joke that redirects the conversation.
I’ve watched so many videos and read multiple books on personality improvement, communication, and how to make friends. nothing has helped me break that barrier. I feel like I’m missing something, but I don’t know what it is.
5 comments
I struggled a lot with this when I was your age. I think a lot of girls can probably relate to this too. To this day even I feel like others have a much easier time socializing than I do. Sometimes, just pushing yourself to pursue friendships helps. When I make new friends now, I try to push past the acquaintance phase by discussing their interests, asking to hang out with them, and reaching out to them just to talk. I’ve learned that friendship can take a lot of work over the years. What I’ve also noticed is that a lot of those instances you mentioned where people seem like they’ve known each other forever are often superficial. After learning about social psychology and interacting with many people, I think a lot of people struggle with some aspect of social-related anxieties, some just more intensely than others.
Something that helped me a lot when I was your age was therapy. Therapy helped me a lot more than just speaking to a guidance counselor. I struggled with being emotionally closed off, fear of vulnerability, and negative intense emotions as well. A therapist helped me sort through those thoughts. Is this something you would consider, or your parents would be supportive of? Feeling distanced from everyone can be very isolating and you deserve to surround yourself with people who care about you. I also want to tell you that you deserve friends who don’t make you the butt of the joke. Those are not friends and that is not fair to you at all.
You’re young! Maybe you’re smarter than most people and just want to get ahead! Idk! That what it seems like to me. Take it easy though, be yourself. You know when you get in you’re car, well you might not actually but check this out, first thing we do is make sure the seat is adjusted to us, then we check the mirrors, then make sure everything is in place to put convenience because were the drivers! Same thing with socializing I think haha! Go thru you’re greetings, maybe start off with a compliment, ” hey my name is so and so, I love you’re outfit, it’s a beautiful day, whatever, and then perhaps what’re you’re palns for today? People love to talk about themselves, so ask questions lol! Make sure it’s not an interrogation though! Goodluck! It’s literally the same stuff for every stituation or close to it. Have a couple lines lined up and then let the rest flow naturally! Goodluck!
Ong same. I have friends I’ve made an instant connection with, this one friend in specific, we’re almost exactly the same but he’s a straight guy and he’s a lot older than I am. Same taste in music, video games shows, the way we grew up. Simaler opinions on issues and so on. But we’re not very close, we call eachother brother and sister because our similarities but because we made that kind of instant connection it’s hard to really be around eachother cuz we already feel like we know eachother and theres not much conversationto be had with someone who feels like you. Just because there’s an instant connection dosent make it deep, I’d argue a connection made and kindled over a period of time is a lot more meaningful. I have a alot of issues with myself and making friends as well but you just have to try your best and find people your comfortable with, I did it, I have an amazing best friend, I’m also similar to him, people call us twins but we knew eachother long before we became friends and we took our time getting to know eachother. Find people who you like feel comfortable with and maybe that your even similar to, but that’s not always the case sometimes you just get along better with people who are the complete opposite of you. Realshinships are a complicated thing and it differs from person to person. Other than that I don’t think there’s much I can say about this seeing as I’m still trying to figure things out myself. Just know you’ll get there and the fact you asked for help and advice is proof. I belive you can do it!
It’s no rocket science!!
Do follow these simple things and thank me later.
The secret is in creating a bond, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the other person.
Smile more
Be genuinely interested
Stay in touch like on internet
Remember we can’t be friends with all
There’s something called small talk which most people do for social reasons. We can only have a few friends that stick up for life. The rest are like passing clouds.
I understand, at 15 i was awkward, at times bit of a loner & always felt weird an ‘outcast’….fastforward to my 30s & i feel the same! 🤪Lol, just kidding but in some ways yes, I’m still introverted but being unique/different becomes special ‘cool’ now & when you get older you move around, change your environment & meet so many different people that it becomes easier. Most highschool friends dont end up being lifelong friends anyway, but have fun , enjoy your time & don’t close yourself or who you are, just be you & they can accept it or bugger off! Don’t force a friendship, dont try too hard just find those that have a energy that matches yours & you feel comfortable with. Also, one great tip I’d give is take the Meyers-Briggs personality test, I took it for the 1st time last yr & was so happy it gave me a better insight into myself , INFJ here….the ultimate, special, lonewolf, outsider ❤️ lol.