So as the title states I have been with (f23) with my boyfriend (24) for more than a year. When we first met it was like fireworks and I was really obsessed with him, even though I was still out and dating before we made it official he was my only sexual relationship. I trusted him a lot and so when he approached the topic of ditching condoms we had an STD talk and he and I both confirmed we had nothing (I never saw his results though, sigh..) A couple months into seeing each other I am diagnosed with G HSV1 (basically coldsores but down there) and it was genuinely one of the most traumatizing things that has ever happened to me, I had an extremely painful outbreak. I had never had sex without condoms before so I felt betrayed by the first person I had ever trusted to have access to my body in that way. Along hating myself for believing him, not protecting myself, and of course the lovely societal shame to go along with it!
After learning more about HSV1 and how many people have it (50-80% of the US), things got better, and in the end I decided to forgive him because he didn’t know he had it. Because how can you even know if you have coldsores, anyways? Doctor’s don’t test for it on a normal STD panel and don’t really consider HSV1 an STD because it usually presents orally. He also handled it honorably and told me while we were waiting for his results that even if I had it and he didn’t, he wanted to stay together. Even though the feeling of betrayal still lingered along with resentment, I stayed at first because I was honestly too scared to have to face being HSV+ alone. Things have gotten a lot better since then. He is a great boyfriend and even though we still have our differences, he cares for me in loving ways I have never experienced and I love him deeply.
Now almost a year later we’re in a fight and it comes out that he knew he had it and had an STD test result from 3 years ago positive for HSV1. He says now that he didn’t know the location, but he knew he had it, and the doctor had told him it was just coldsores. I don’t even know what to think or if I can believe him. After hearing that from him, something inside me just broke. I stopped caring about being nice to him, and bringing him little gifts. I love him deeply and even though he’s never been disloyal in the slightest, I don’t trust him at all. I’ve gone through his phone several times and I always check his location even though I know I shouldn’t.
I feel torn up. I still imagine our future together. I don’t really think I want to break up with him, the idea of explaining herpes to a new partner terrifies me. He loves me so much and wants to make it work. In a weird way understand his fear of telling me. I go back and forth about what to do all the time.
TL;DR: Boyfriend gave me HSV1 down there and now a year later tells me he knew he had it all along.
23 comments
That’s bad. Like bad bad.
Regardless of anything else, if I were in your position I would end things with him just on the principle of him lying about it directly to your face and putting you in the position to risk your sexual health with a disease he knew he had.
Dump the lying cunt.
He chose to lie so he could fuck you.
Now you have it for the rest of your life and you have to tell all your future partners and you may lose a potential king because of this selfish cunt who lied to fuck you.
It’s tricky. It depends if he knew the location. Many people are asymptomatic. He should’ve mentioned it when you asked him. But he maybe thought jt was irrelevant.
But if he had a breakout or knew the location, that’s wrong.
What a huge betrayal. He is so selfish to straight up lie to you just to have unprotected sex. You probably would have stayed safe if he was honest and you took appropriate protections like condoms and no BJ’s. He does not deserve your trust. How heartbreaking. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Remember, whatever you allow to continue, you are choosing.
HSV1 is not an STD- it is oral cold sores and is very prevalent in the community.. HSV2 is genital herpes.
He is lying coward. And, like it’s not enough, he is incredibly stupid. Why to stay?
Now do not forgive him second time rather break up with him over putting your life at risk by intentionally giving you disease that could get worsen with time if not treated properly. This guy has no respect and care for you so this should be a deal breaker thing for you. Now one thing is clear that you cannot trust him as he has full capacity to ruin your life for no real reason so do not continue with him. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve a better guy and treatment so put your foot down.
A similar thing happened to me and my boyfriend. He would get cold sores and he gave me oral during the beginning of one forming. We couldn’t even see the cold sore on his lip until the next day. Neither of us were educated on the fact that you can get genital herpes from cold sores especially ones you can’t see. Over the next week I had symptoms and after 2 ER visits due to unbearable pain I was finally diagnosed. Most miserable thing I’ve been through. But I’m not mad at him because neither of us knew you could get genital herpes from a cold sore that isn’t even showing yet. My doctor even told me that it’s the most common way people end up with genital herpes because they don’t really teach that in sex ed. Is he saying he knew he had HSV1 or is he saying he knew that he could spread genital herpes to you through it? My boyfriend knew he had HSV1 but didn’t know he could give me genital herpes that way. If he knew he could and didn’t tell you, that’s fucked up and I’d leave
I don’t see how anyone could move past this.
Do you want to reward someone for lying to your face?
Unleash the AIDS
Don’t care what anyone says it should be illegal to get notnget tested & to know you have an STD/I and give it to someone. Death sentence carried out by the person(s) it was given to.
I’m not trying to escalate your situation but, what he just committed is called “sexual deceit” and is a form of rape. And that’s because in order to get you to have intercourse unprotected he had to withhold information about himself (specifically an STD)
Take from that what you will, but if he felt okay lying about that, he could justify lying about anything.
So he knew he had HSV-1, like the majority of people have. He doesn’t even know if he has it orally or genitally, and unless he has an outbreak there’s no way to know. I honestly don’t see the problem because 90% of people with HSV-1 are not going to be telling their partners since they don’t even know they have it.
I can see how it feels like he was lying, but all he knew was he had coldsores. Maybe he didn’t realize it could transmit to the genitals or he just didn’t think it was a big deal because it’s just “coldsores”.
For context, I contracted genital HSV-1 from my girlfriend (we are still together). She never knew she had it but she had a sore on her lip which she attributed to biting her lip.
I know herpes can be traumatizing for a lot of people, but I think that’s 90% just because of the stigma. But it’s really no big deal. My initial outbreak was hell (had it in my throat too), but after that my life is almost no different.
That’s a stabbing offense
To be fair a lot of people know they have HSV1 but don’t know it can be on your genitals too. He probably didn’t think you could have gotten it down there and never intended to give it to you.
Source: ex gave me G-HSV1 on accident, knew he had HSV1, thought coldsore was a pimple, etc.
He gave you an illness that you will have for life.
If he broke your arm deliberately would you forgive him?
Am I taking crazy pills? All he knew was that he had what was HSV1, and a doctor said cold sores. Most people have that.
Obviously this is an awful situation but I think your judgment has been clouded by the emotion.
First! Lots of people have STI’s and there are ways around them (medication in some cases, and prophylactics). I’m not here to stigmatize STI’s!
That said, what he did is sexual coercion. Period, the end. He knew for a fact he had an infection that could be spread through unprotected sex and he didn’t tell you, purposefully, so you’d have sex with him in the manner he wanted. What he did is a form of assault. He is a piece of shit and a coward who doesn’t deserve to have sex again until he grows the fuck up and takes responsibility for his sexual health. What an absolute garbage human. Dump him immediately.
Dude break up with him immediately
These posts from women in their 20s are starting to become the norm. It almost looks as if women are purposefully going head first into brand new relationships at the age of 21 with little to no experience, making absolutely asinine choices with men they barely know (by barely I mean you havent met family, friends, know his personality to be honest) like UNSAFE SEX …then ask what you should do when you are faced with the consequences. Men are supposed to be the immature gender but women are showing themselves more and more to be riddled with naivety. Yes of course he knew first. The same way you got your first outbreak so did he. NO ONE GETS HERPES WITHOUT KNOWING THEY HAVE IT. He didnt educate you on the dangers of unsafe sex he told you he didnt have anything . (He handled it honorably by saying even if you had it and he didnt he wanted to stay together” You said he was your first sexual relationship so what would he even say that for unless he knew you got it from him. This was him manipulating you into thinking like him)
(“How would you even know if you have cold sores?” Hes a guy and sees his penis everyday I guarantee he could see them) How can you love this person when your whole relationship is based on his lie. How much of the rest of your relationship is truthful.? This makes no sense to me.
Of all the things I read on here, I always feel there is nothing worse than knowingly giving another person an STD. It’s is the most foul thing someone can to do to another person. I would probably obtain a lengthy prison sentence if someone had done this to me, nvm even considering staying with them…