My co worker and I have a friendly relationship , we always say hello in the morning and always buy each others coffee or lunch , lately we have started getting more friendlier like you would with a best friend but she’s hinting me in a way that she wants something with me , we flirt but in a joking matter but lately our conversations gotten a little R rated if you know what I mean.
I have co workers tell me she likes me and I kind of get the hint , only thing she’s married , she has a 5 year old sweet little girl and I know her husband , her husband knows that we have a friendlier relationship more then the usual one , I have heard them argue about this , she calls me my love every time i call her regarding work and she tells him that’s normal talk , they way she talks and even looks at me makes it seem more obvious , her husband sometime gives me that look , I can tell he doesn’t like me.
I don’t know what to do ,, should I just tell her I just want us to be friends and don’t want to be romantically involved with you ? I had a bad experience where I was cheated on , it felt like shit , to this day I’m unsecured about women , Its very hard for me to trust any women I go out with , that’s why I don’t take relationships seriously ,, I don’t want to do to some one else what they done to me , what do you think I should do ? Part of me as a men tell me to have a flint with her , part of me tells me that it’s wrong and I might destroy a marriage , after all sooner or later you’re bound to be found out .
3 comments
I’d start actively highlighting that this is a friendship; oh, thanks for lunch, you’re such a *good friend*. Bring hubby and daughter into conversation when possible and appropriate; say you guys are griping about work, bring up that it must be wonderful to go home to a loving husband and adorable kiddo after a rough day. Set those subtle but clear boundaries.
“Should I just tell her I just want us to be friends and don’t want to be romantically involved with you ?”
Yes OP, do exactly that. Actually, take it a step further and tell her you want a professional relationship dealing with business issues only. You can certainly do so in a friendly manner, but it will be limited to work related topics only. No going to lunches with just the two of you. No after work drinks with just the two of you. Probably not wise to do either even as a group as you’ll just be tempted to gravitate to one another.
Its a slippery slope OP and you are already half way down the hill, especially if shes referring to you as “my love” (fyi, Im sure this isnt her first rodeo and you are by no means the only other guy she is referring/has referred to as “my love”) and its causing arguments between her and her spouse.
Time for you to read “Not Just Friends” and put up some serious bounderies sir. Time to man up and nip this in the bud, especially since YOU KNOW what it feels like to be cheated on in. “Part of me tells me that it’s wrong and I might destroy a marriage,” listen to this part of your psyche, not the man-child part of you that wants validation in a twisted and unethical way by soaking up her illicit attention.
BTW, do YOU have a girlfriend? If so,come clean to her, if not, break off this abberation and start a legit relationship with a mature woman, not this attention seeking woman-child. Remember this maxim, if they’d did it WITH you, they’d do it TO you.
So, time to get off this train to nowhere (but hurt and destruction) and live a legit life.
Do the right thing.
First of all, stop flirting with your married coworker, and i can not believe you have to be told this.
Second. Stop her everytime she calls you love or becomes too friendly. “You’re making me uncomfortable. stop it. I just wanna be friends, nothing more.”