I’ll make this as short as I possibly can.
I was over at my GF’s last night. She already had a pretty rough day at work.
We’re drinking with her flatmate in kitchen, things are going well.
She took a few hits from a joint and got really ill. I stayed with her when she was throwing up.
Flatmate comes into her room and starts massaging her. Nothing bad yet.
Then she turns to me and asks me if I want one, to which I say no. Right in front of my GF.
My GF told me how it made her feel uncomfortable (flatmate has done other things that have made her feel like crap).
When she finished venting her frustrations about her flatmate, she told me “You know, you’re amazing. I’m so lucky to have met you. You’re probably the most conscious person I’ve ever met and it means so much that someone actually listens”.
Question is: how, if at all, do I deal with her flatmate?
Do I just avoid going to my GF’s flat when I know she’ll be there?
TL;DR
GF’s flatmate seems like a homewrecker. What should I do to avoid seeing the flatmate again?
9 comments
Be polite but distant. If your gf lives with this person, you probably can’t avoid seeing them again. But both of you can draw boundaries.
What is your girlfriend doing to set boundaries?
Keep doing what you’re doing. Support your gf and maintain clear and firm boundaries with flatmate. If and when a situation calls for it, stand up for your gf and maintain the boundaries for both of you. Be super open to what your gf shared and pay attention in future situations. Good for you for being so aware.
Not sure I see why this is a problem. Friends massage each other. I’ve given plenty of friends a quick back massage men and women. Plus you were stoned it sounds like. A lot of people go into care taker mode when someone is having a bad trip.
depending on what ever this:
>(flatmate has done other things that have made her feel like crap).
Heading towards overreaction if you think anything else needs to be done. She offered you said no, it wasn’t like she was trying to be sneaky.
Tell your GF the flatmate makes you uncomfortable with her flirtations to cover your ass. Cuz she is already trying to start shit. Hopefully your GF will be onboard with your avoiding Little Miss Toxic.
Just be a sigma and have a 3 some
Next time the roommate makes a creepy offer like that, give her your best “what? Ew, no, why?” face you can muster.
I’m not sure why people here are acting like your girlfriend has responsibility for her roommate’s actions. There is only so much you can make another adult do. It’s like people read the whole “the person whose family is the problem should be the one to handle it” and somehow extrapolated it to this situation where it doesn’t apply.
Boundaries have been crossed with both of you. I’d start looking for a new flat mate to be honest. Feeling uncomfortable, especially at home is the worse. In the mean time, what you can do is limit the interaction with her flat mate. I’d honestly keep it at hello and bye. I have a very low tolerance for people like that. Yes, to having a discussion about the behaviour and setting firm boundaries.
Honestly, you should both tell her. Letting her know firmly will more than likely embarrass her to where she will never even want to bat an eye. Or she’ll get defensive but either way it’ll stop for the both of you whenever you’re over. There should be no reason you have to “avoid”? I would never. Kudos to you though. Just step it up now. Good luck to you guys.