Nearly every day for the last week ive asked my friend to hangout because we havent hungout for over a month, and each time he has either an excuse like “i dont feel like it today maybe tmrw” and sometimes a valid excuse like he wanted to spend the day with his family or he was going to a place with his other friends which i didnt want to go to. I feel like if i ask again today there will just be another reason not to hangout, but i still want to hangout and i didnt know how to ask him for like the 5th time without sounding way too desperate and pushy.
4 comments
The quickest, most effective way to get others to avoid you is by acting clingy.
If someone says no to a hang out, ask for a second time. If they say no again, wait two weeks.
You’ve already asked them so many times, and they haven’t said yes. You’re desperate. They aren’t prioritizing interacting with you nor do they seem interested. The more anxious you are about other people and the more you care so much about other people in terms of receiving their attention, time, reassurance, approval, validation either online/offline, the more needy and desperate you will become for them and the less likely people will reciprocate and associate with you. People notice the way you act and carry yourself around them. They can sense your anxious vibes. They know when you are overly attached to them and heavily dependent upon them for online/offline attention. Your actions tend to show it. The tell tale signs are you texting/calling them way more than they are to you, and you being anxious, emotionally reacting, and confronting them when they don’t give you attention, time, reassurance, approval, validation either online/offline for whatever reason. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation. They gravitate towards somebody who is self confident, brings positive vibes in conversations, and is well rounded enough in life to not depend on others.
You need to become genuinely busy in your life focusing on your hobbies and goals, while interacting with other people on the side in real life. Find something you enjoy doing in life and keep doing that overtime. You will build much needed self esteem and self confidence. Chase excellence, not people.
If you ask someone several times in a row to hang out and they turn you down every time, it doesn’t really matter the reason. Respectfully, you need to stop asking.
In a way, somebody turning you down is a boundary. One of the best things I ever learned in life was that when somebody turns you down a couple times, you need to stop asking and wait for them to reach out. If they reach out, great! If they don’t reach out, perhaps they weren’t all that interested in hanging out, which is valuable information too. Or maybe they are genuinely busy. If they want to hang out, they will get back to you eventually. If they don’t, maybe you could ask again a few weeks or months later, but at some point you need to stop asking.
People have genuinely turned me off from being friends with them just because they wouldn’t leave me alone. They kept asking me to hang out, and even when I asked them to wait for me to reach out next, I would still find myself fielding invitations a few weeks or months later. I guess they decided that I was taking too long, but that wasn’t for them to decide, and it just made me feel like they didn’t actually care about me as a person and what I wanted. I didn’t always want to hang out with those people on their preferred schedule, and while there is something to be said for making compromises, sometimes I genuinely had a lot of other stuff going on, or sometimes I found them tiring and only wanted to see them occasionally.
That sounds a little harsh, I know. But I have a busy life. I don’t even see some of my best friends more than once every few months. Somebody that I don’t know very well or don’t feel that comfortable around is not going to get to see me more than the people I actually am very close to.