My bf and I have been together for over 7 years. We finally moved in together at the beginning of this year and things have been good for the most part. We both knew this change would open the door to new challenges neither of us had dealt with before but we’ve been great about working through issues in the past.
One new point of contention is that I feel like I’m not being listened to. Mid-conversation, he’ll interrupt me and point out something mundane (“is it supposed to rain later?” etc) or turn up the car radio, or put his headphones back on, etc. I’ll point this out to him and say that it bothers me, and I feel like he’s ignoring me, and he always comes back with “I *was* listening” or “Sorry for being such an asshole” or “I don’t know why you’d feel that way” or “you’re making a big deal out of nothing”.
We both have ADHD, and we’re both on meds for it, so I get how hard it can be to stay focused in conversations. This has been happening a lot more frequently, though, and his reactions have been getting a lot more intense.
I feel like we’re not on the same wavelength anymore and like any attempt I make at quelling ongoing issues like this is just making things worse. Is there anything I can do..?
4 comments
If he is going to invalidate and stone wall you there isnt much you can do. He could be flooded but he needs to communicate that better to you.
Try writing him a letter.
“I am trying to talk to you and it feels like you are going out of your way to not talk. We need to be able to talk about things if you want things to work long term”
I have ADHD as well, and I know it can be hard to have tough conversations, and or not get distracted.
but when it comes to the person you love, you should want to at least try to listen better instead of getting more and more frustrated each time you bring it up.
it sounds like immaturity more then ADHD, he deflects your feelings, and any blame when it comes to the less pleasant conversations
does he show any other signs of immaturity?
Many dudes don’t know how to express themselves and they don’t like to because it makes them feel gooey. You have to make it clear that he better open up or else. Otherwise it’s a lost cause. Dysfunctional families create these dudes. They don’t know how to love mentally.