I (24F) was on a trip with a group of friends I sometimes hang out with. When I was invited, I was not told that a friend (29M) I recently rejected would be there. When I showed up, I was surprised to see him. I recently turned him down after he tried making advances on me for months, and it’s been awkward.
He tried to talk to me a few times during the trip and I kept it short because I know he mistakes my kindness for flirting. I am never rude to him, I just know I can’t give him false hope.
I have had a crush on a different guy in the group (28M) for a few months.. I don’t know him as well as the friend who has a crush on me. He is more so a mutual friend. I was flirting heavily with him all night, we were holding hands and making eyes at each other. We ended up having sex and stayed in his room together. In the morning, it was evident to the rest of our friends what happened. Including the guy who has a crush on me. The other friends were cracking jokes about it, and I could see on his face that he was either hurt or upset.
I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I’ve also never indicated an interest for him or led him on.
How do I proceed with these people? I’m pretty sure I ruined any chances with the guy I slept with by having sex so soon. And I may have pissed off the other friends by hurting 29M.
TLDR: 24F had sex with with 28M while on trip with friends including 29M who has a crush on me
13 comments
dude who has a crush on you needs to get over it. he can deal with those emotions by himself or with a friend – but it’s not your problem.
about the guy you slept with though, just keep contact with him. express that you would like to get to know him better and ask him if he would like to do the same. just because yall had sex soon into knowing each other, doesn’t mean yall can’t have a relationship upon knowing each other more.
edit: also if your friends are pissed you fucked someone else, then they need to get over themselves too. you aren’t responsible for 29Ms feelings.
It’s unfortunate, but you really aren’t responsible for the guys feelings. You turned him down and don’t feel the same as he does. I’m not sure if he’s just expecting you to stay single or what. Life doesn’t work that way.
This guy and whichever friends are angry will just need to get over it. They don’t get to choose your partners for you. It would have hurt the 29m either way when you move on.
He doesn’t have some sort of claim on you. They need to stop it.
You didn’t do anything wrong in a vacuum, but depending on the dynamics of this friend group it could be seen as kind-of a callous move. Provided you guys weren’t sharing a thin hotel wall or camping in the wilderness, which would be quite the important details to leave out, I think you should just move on and not bring it up.
Doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong here, at all. It’s not friend’s fault he likes you, it’s not your fault you don’t reciprocate. That’s life. It sounds like you’re both being pretty respectful to each other now that it’s out in the open, but things like that are awkward.
Honestly, this is the part that gets me though:
>I’m pretty sure I ruined any chances with the guy I slept with by having sex so soon.
Where are you getting that? You’re consenting adults who are on a trip together, like each other, and hooked up. Sounds like a pretty solid foundation to me.
FWIW, I slept with my now-husband the night I met him. We’ve been together for 10 years now. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with someone you’re romantically (or even just sexually) interested in, so long as everybody’s on the same page.
Good luck!
Why do you think you ruined your chance with the guy you like?
Is having sex “soon” a automatic disqualification?
I know for some guys it is but both my longest relationships started as a one night stand or something casual.
Not that it is their business but unrequited love set himself up after you rejected him. It was probably time for him to skip the trip because there would be a good chance he would have to see his crush at least flirting with someone else.
You did nothing wrong. Perhaps like you said slightly poor judgement if you were trying to make an impression.
The other friends should understand since there was no connection between you and you had also turned him down.
If you ruin your relationship chance by having sex with someone then tbh they were never relationship material. As for crushing dude – you don’t owe him anything other than respect for his feelings and you can do that by just staying away from him.
OP you didn’t do anything wrong. 29M needs to deal with his own feelings, you’re not responsible for that.
And I don’t think sleeping with 28M automatically ruined your chances with him. I had a crush on a guy, we hooked up (one night stand type of deal) and we’ve been together for 3 years now
Good for you for having sex with your crush! You rejected your friend _months_ ago, you can’t put your (dating) life on pause just for him. You weren’t disrespectful to him, though your friends could have been a bit more considerate about teasing you in your friend’s presence. Still, he has to get over it. It hurts, that sucks, and that’s okay.
Now for your comment of ruining chances by having sex so soon – I don’t see how having sex ruins your chances. My boyfriend of 7yrs and I went from being friends/roommates to having sex on one night, no dating, no slow buildup from kissing one day, to taking it a step further another. We’re still happy together! Don’t give up on your crush, it could just as well become a beautiful relationship 🙂 My biggest advice in any relationship (be it dating or friendship) would be to be open and honest. Good luck!!
I don’t think you should assume that you hurt your chances by having sex, lots of relationships start with that.
Also your friends should be able to understand that you have 0 interests with the other man and are not responsible for how he feels about you living without him.
If your friends give you shit for it, tell them you never planned to hurt him but you’re not going to apologize for being interested in other men and not in him.
Not really clear what your question is, but I can tell you you did nothing wrong.
You guys are a little old for teenage shit
You did nothing wrong. Maybe callous in regards to the friend group, but ya a consenting adult.
Having said that tho these comments shaming the guy with the crush are crazy