My mother(48) is dating a guy(24) who’s my age, and is telling me he’s moving in tomorrow. What the fuck do I do?
I’m in crisis mode. My mom’s been in a relationship with this guy for maybe 1 year. I live with my mother, since me and my father have a rather complicated relationship. Basically, we can’t be under the same roof. However, my mother has talked about this guy for a while. I thought I would have more time, and she would at least tell me in advance when he was coming. Instead, she woke me up this morning to tell me that tomorrow he’s moving in with us. I‘ve never met him. I don’t know anything about him, because my mom refuses to tell me anything about him. (I’ve tried asking).
I’ve asked her where they met, and she told me they met when she was still working as a painter, but that was around 12 years ago. If that was actually true, she would have met him when he was 12.
I see my mother in a different light at this point. It disgusts me, and I basically see her as a predator. Talking to her is impossible. I know her, and I’m these situations she doesn’t care how I feel. What do I do tomorrow? I’ve been the kid that older men have preyed on. It makes me want to vomit. I am waiting for an apartment at the moment, so moving out is not an option.
My real question is, how do I live in this situation without breaking down?
Thanks for any help, I’m extremely desperate.
TL;DR my mother’s significantly younger boyfriend is moving in with us with no warning. How do I live in this situation without breaking down?
16 comments
Since you can’t talk to your mom, talk to him. When he arrives, you introduce yourself, be polite and friendly. Tell him the rules of the house from your perspective just like you would a roommate your age. Are you male or female? He’s probably just us uncomfortable as you are. I don’t think you’ll be able to figure out more until you meet him…
What’s the catch? Is your mom very rich or very attractive? Or, does the guy have some amazing qualities? Find the catch, and you’ll discover what’s really going on.
If leaving isn’t an option, the only thing I can really think of is looking into radical acceptance. You probably aren’t going to master it over night, so I’m sorry this is being sprung on you, but for the time being it’s probably your best option. I hope you can leave soon.
How long until you can move into the apartment? If it’s a month or two I would just be home as little as possible. Pick up extra shifts, hang out with friends, couch surf, etc. Ultimately you have to accept this new situation, but that doesn’t mean you have to wallow in it.
Share the Wi-Fi password
You have to move out. I’m sorry this is happening.
Move out when you can and avoid them at all costs! I would also ask the questions your mom has avoided to her boyfriend to see if their answers match up especially about how/when they met.
It’s her place, her rules… You are 24 and should be independent. If you aren’t happy just move out and rent a room until you can get an apartment?
Take revenge date someone twice her age!!!!
Get your money together.. move!!
She hasn’t told you about him because it’s secretly your best buddy.
You will be helplessly stuck in this situation, other than maybe taking extra hours at work or something to lower the amount of hours in your mother’s house, until you move out. You’ve got zero control over this situation and your mother has already made it clear she doesn’t care about how any of this would affect you. She is an adult, she owns the home and can do as she pleases with regards to this, and because you’re an adult too, she doesn’t have any legal concessions to make to you here. That’s the cold hard truth. You have to move out to distance yourself from this and start your adult life.
Both these people are grown and so are you. You know nothing about their relationship so you can stop insinuating your mom is a predator.
So move out or deal with it. Mom is having her fun.
Girl you’re a grown ass adult. Move out and move on.
It definitely sounds like “be around as little as possible” is the answer here. Depending on how it goes, you may decide he’s someone you can talk to, try to find out what their situation actually is and whether it’s as bad as you’re fearing, but it’s also just fine to nope out of the situation. If you can’t physically be out of the house, maybe you can move your schedule around so you’re not in the shared areas as much.
For the part of this that sounds like it’s tapping into some personal trauma for you, do you have a therapist or other support system you can talk to about that? If not, it might be time to look into it. Having one or two safe places to vent out your feelings about this situation and the stuff it’s bringing up for you might really help.
Beat the shit out of him in front of your mom. Move out.