Men of Reddit, what are your boundaries surrounding your partners’ past relationships?

14 comments

1. I really only have one general rule.

   If she spends any time with an ex, i want her to tell me. Same goes for me. I trust her, and i know she won’t do anything stupid, but I also know it’s best for the relationship if we’re open and upfront about things like that, rather than finding out later and feeling like it’s something we hid from each other.

2. Jealousy is for the weak, you’re doing yourself a disservice and her as well… Get over it, realize you have her now, if you’re not confident in yourself or this relationship it’s ultimately going to fail. Like your Jealousy is creating trust issues, all this over just a past relationship, imagine what will happen down the road. Again, suck it up, get out of the past and look at the future, otherwise if you can’t do that, don’t waste her time or your time.

3. I think your post is very well-written and thoughtful of both sides, and you seem self-aware about potentially unwarranted OR warranted concerns. If you can approach this with her and lay it out as thoughtfully and calmly as you did here, you should if you feel like she could sit down and understand your concerns and listen. Naturally she may be defensive or dismissive, but right away it should be easy to tell if this is a relationship you’d like to continue. I know that this isn’t exactly an answer to your current question, but it’s an answer to other questions you may come up with. I don’t find it healthy to talk about your past FWBs with your partner, but maybe that’s just me and my relationship. It’s okay to talk about what you like and dislike but to infatuate yourself with someone you’re no longer involved with is unhealthy in itself.

4. You’re getting a lot a bad advice.

   A good woman would cut ties with him, would have unfriended him and deleted the vast majority of photos and be putting distance between herself and him.

   Let’s be honest – she’s still holding out hope he’ll come around.

5. Wait, so you’re trying to figure out when it’s “acceptable” to be jealous?

   Why even encourage that mind set. Jealousy can be broken down into anxiety and unhappiness. Instead of telling yourself it’s okay to be jealous, start looking at your emotions and find the root cause.

   You’re unhappy that she FWB that guy and he used her. Perfectly acceptable. Recognize it and move forward. Instead of being “jealous” he used her in the PAST. Figure out how to give her confidence in herself. Because users teach people to think they don’t deserve good things. Teach your GF she deserves good things, including a BF who appreciates her and doesn’t get “jealous” over a nasty user ex. Tell her you feel mad that he used her and you never want her to experience that type of bad relationship again. Then move forward, Together.

   Jealousy is a type of manipulation.

6. > I trust that she doesn’t actually miss him because she recognizes he was manipulative and caused her lots of anxiety

   …if you say so

   ​

   > at she (understandably) still thinks about it. I’m currently finding that little things like saved pictures or followed social media accounts of his

   ….

   > Because I recognize my jealousy is stupid and unwarranted,

   …

   ​

   You do realize shed drop you for him given the chance, right?

7. He is not allowed to talk badly about any of his exes, most specifically his ex-wife. First off it’s petty, leave them in the past. Secondly, I do not have any desire to hear about how irritating or oblivious his ex-wife may be. She’s the mother of his children and he needs to keep that in mind. He’s doing nothing but hurting himself and his children by talking shit about her. I’m not here for it. It’s deeply upsetting to both the kids and no one gains anything by hearing it, it’s just pointless.

8. Anything and everything. That’s not a joke either!
   To develop a deeper connection of love, trust, etc… (Enter all your lovely dovely bull crap) you both need to share each other feelings and past. Because if everything is in the open and it will help you decide if you truly want your partner or not. I mean I don’t want a woman who steals, who kills, who’s double standard in relationships, a retired sex worker, drinker, Druggers. Etc… I’m not saying I won’t love them but more of I’ll never respect them. 👍

   P.S “I’m confident in my abilities as a boyfriend”
   Dude that like every motherfucker in the block, before they end up sobbing on the side street. I’d move on from this one. But you do you! Just know a random guy on Reddit warned you. Don’t worry I’ll be here until the app is dead and no longer used. 😂🤣

9. Basically, i don’t want to know anything about them. She could hang out with her ex for all i care, but just don’t do anything that will disrespect our relationship in any way. Thats pretty much it.

   Don’t trip about it op, its not gonna do you any good.

10. I just don’t take any girl seriously if she’s still friends with any of her exes

11. none, im not insecure

12. haha, I’ve always found it hilarious how men are insecure about their girlfriends or wives past. Dude, who cares. That’s all in the past. If you want a virginal woman, move to Saudi Arabia and buy one or something.

    Just enjoy your relationship while it lasts, and stop having dumb thoughts and jealously over other guys raw dogging your girlfriend or about her having threesomes or something.

13. If your still friends with and ex or FWB while I don’t care for it make sure you actually have a boundary. In my mind at least as a guy we all know someone who is just waiting for the smallest signs but at the same time it’s also up to you SO. Also don’t talk shit about the persons sex or etc if you went back to fuck them multiple times. It’s childish

14. This my friend is called an Alpha Widow and you will be living in this man’s shadow the way Will Smith lives in Tupac’s shadow in the mind of his wife.