It’s frustrating how looks or aesthetics matter so much in so many social circles. If you don’t fit a particular aesthetic, or if you just aren’t attractive, it sends off some non-verbal signal that you don’t belong in that group.
I physically can’t look conventionally attractive unless I get plastic surgery or completely change my body- and I know that because even moderately conventionally attractive people just don’t accept me as friends very often. I must be in the minority, because most people are just normal looking, but I don’t seem to be good enough for them.
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I’d be careful attributing so much to your physical appearance. It may even be mostly true, but thinking that way isn’t going to do you much good. Focus on the things you can change (without plastic surgery lol).
Most people who are outcasts and aren’t too cute have a bunch of other problems that come together to scare people away. Some attractiveness is manageable, like fitness, hygiene, fashion, makeup? (I’m a guy and don’t wear makeup so Idk how that works lol, but in theory, it adds another degree of control), posture, & demeanor. Beyond that, some of us ugly people will spiral into other habits that repel people because of the initial bad start, so really people might be avoiding you because of the way you talk or smell or look at people or how much money you have or your weird hobbies, or any number of things.
My point is, there’s a lot of stuff you can probably work on, so triple check everything before chalking up your problems just to losing the genetic lottery.
I’m not much of a looker myself, but when I worked on my discipline, attitude, wardrobe, fitness, posture, social skills, and chased some life achievements, I realized that there wasn’t all that much trouble being caused by my Quasimodo face after all. I can’t guarantee you’ll become popular if you do those things. Maybe everyone in your life really is just shallow and avoids you because they don’t like your mug.
But working on the stuff you actually can work on is still the best option you have. What else are you gonna do—get revenge? That’ll make you even more miserable. Take the high road and show these hot people that while they’re busy looking at themselves in the mirror, you’re out there getting shit done and having a life with actual meaning.
Ugly people have friends. I promise.
That hasn’t been what I’ve observed in life.
Yeah, there can be some degree of sorting by looks where social circles/cliques are concerned, but it’s just one slight factor among many far more important factors. And it’s one that’s easy to completely transcend socially as well (a bit more difficult to do *completely* in romantic relationships, but also possible).
Not quite. As long as you keep being insecure about your looks, you will end up acting that way. People will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying about who you are and what you are, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are indeed unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Being unattractive is hell. You don’t get the same chances that attractive people get. You have to be near perfect to even get people to tolerate you. There’s no room for error and humans are naturally flawed. Then when you isolate, you’re the bad person. Losing the genetic lottery is a near social death sentence.
I feel like the older you get the less it matters to people. In grade school/high school it is probably the #1 way people are getting friends but it pretty much wanes after high school.
I was so happy to be out of school for this reason and into the “real world” where other things matter more than appearances. Social skills are skills and you can get better and better and it doesn’t matter how ugly you are, charisma will take care of it.
Is this a female thing? I (29M) have never experienced this amongst men. As long as you’re chill and we can enjoy sharing our interests with each other, I don’t give a fuck what you look like, nor do I expect you to care about my appearance.
Intersex friendships definitely benefit if there is no attraction. One of my oldest friends is a Maori girl. I don’t find her attractive, and she doesn’t find me (or any white guy) attractive. We get along like a house on fire.