So I think this is pretty solid advice. If I ask a girl out on the first two dates, and she doesn’t initiate contact then I don’t contact her again. I think that’s a good way of saving time and money and separating those that are really interested and those that are just ehh.
I’m not saying she has to ask me out on a date. I just want to see some form of effort to see whether she’s actually interested or not.
Edit: the reason why I’ve developed this rule for myself is because from experience I’ve dealt with women that will continue to go out with me and sleep me just cause it’s convenient. With them I noticed they would be willing to see me, but i realized that if I go without contacting them then I never hear from that again. One can say it’s a personality flaw or lack of ‘game’ as to why these women never really develop real feelings for me. And I can accept that. But I’d rather just focus on the ones that will feel my absence.
34 comments
i think it’s a great rule
Yeup thats solid
a lot of girls in trouble!
You should be vetting for that effort on the first date and before that if you wanna save more money and time
Girls like assertive men. I personally like it when men plans and initiate for 2-3 dates. We like seeing effort from a guy before we let our walls down. And most of the time it takes time for me to get comfortable with someone. I may not feel him on a first or second date but maybe later on i will slowly like him as i get to know him more. I was also not a planner, so i would wait for them to ask almost all the time. 2 dates is fair enough. But being straightforward would save you time. Ask her if she’s interested in seeing you again.
It also depends on what is your intention. Do u want to date her because you can see yourself in a relationship with her or you just wanna have fun with her? My experience is that men who rush and are impatient are men who’s only after is to get in between the pants.
I mean if the date goes really well I just make plans then and there for the next date at the end of the date
It’s a great rule and I think most people should implement it into their dating life, because it identifies the people that actually reciprocate your interest.
I was used to thinking I always had to pursue a girl and always ask her out but that eventually makes you feel pretty unwanted. I’ve had 2 girls ask me for a second date after I asked them out on the first date, and it makes you feel a lot more appreciated than when you’re always asking a girl out, which I was used to doing before.
Nowadays, I just ask for the first date and then wait for them to ask me out on the second date and just leave the ball in their court. More often than not, I anticipate if I don’t ask them out again we’ll probably never go out again.
Gold standard.
You are a man of self respect, just like myself.
It really depends on the culture, what I do and it has been successful since I’ve started trying it (still with the person) is I set up the next date on the trip back now we are just in a routine.
Yep, time is money. No sense is sinking more cost into someone who isn’t into you.
Let’s hope that women don’t implement this aswell.
Of course. Why wait for two. If there’s zero contact or text banter after the first date, don’t bother with a second.
So what happens if both parties like each other and both play by this rule?
I think that’s a great rule 🤗
Yeah my experience like some here is typically that second date is discussed and asked for near the end of the first. Maybe dating is different in my state or something but I feel like 70% of the time the girl would ask if we were seeing each other again as I walked them to their car. That or they’d send me that had a good time when’s the next type of text.
Granted I tended to attract more talkative and straight forward girls as I was more introverted
I don’t get why so many people in this sub think that not communicating is acceptable.
The way I read this is:
1. You go out on a date
1. You ask her out again
1. You go out again
1. You wait for her to contact you for the third
You’re missing some things:
– women are socialized to be passive, so they are assuming you will ask for the third date
– women like assertive men (again, socialized)
– she might assume you aren’t interested if you don’t ask for a third date
– actually communication is the grown up thing to do
It seems like you’re trying to protect your ego too much.
Ha ha. If you only knew how many times I had to go after these girls who later became my lovers…. It is so rare a woman would initiate smth. She must be into you right away.
Trust me, when you meet the right girl, she will be initiating all the time. I don’t even wait for the first date, usually in the talking stage I can tell.
As a professional in the dating industry, you’re absolutely on the right track. Do not waste time on those who don’t make an effort and/or do not respect fail or value your time, energy, and affection.
As an old PUA used to say (paraphrasing) if she’s not a “fuck yes!” at the opportunity to see you, then you’re wasting your time.
After 1st date or video-call date, just confirm that you both want to do this again and then wait for an opportunity:) had a guy recently say “I wish we lived closer to have coffee.” I responded that we can do a facetime-drink date on Sat. if he wants. I don’t mind initiating 🙂
Basically saying if you’ve shown effort once already, the second time is her last chance to match you before you move on.
Solid advice generally but I think it’s more broad than “2 date rule” haha
That’s fair
No offense to anyone here, but I think these hard and fast rules are why so many people have dating trouble. Like anything in life, it depends on the specific situation. I was with my ex for many years, despite the fact that I was the only one who made the effort during the first few dates. I asked him about it in the very beginning, and he said that he was just very shy and insecure due to his limited English at the time.
Once he warmed up, I saw a truly outstanding individual who let his true personality shine through, even with the language barrier ( I eventually became conversational in his language). The relationship became one of the best I ever had, and we broke up amicably when he had to move back to his home country.
lol… if i smash on the first date, ill initiate. If i smash on each date, ill initiate each date.
I think that your advice is spot on and it’s reasonable to expect the girl to at least initiate some form of contact after 2 dates of you presumably initiating. It’s not fun just feeling like you’re constantly hunting someone down to spend time with you – men like to feel wanted too.
A lot of women are offended for some reason in this thread 😅
Anal with twenty mins or papa keeps trucking through
I think its a great rule. After 2 dates if I didn’t try to initiate anything I was just trying to convince myself I liked the guy because he was nice.
Unfortunately, I didn’t realize I was doing that until it was pointed out.
this looks different for everyone. but if that’s the boundary you need to establish in order to feel like your time is being valued and interest is being reciprocated, then i support that!
Step 1: Get a first date
Its a smart test.
There has to be some sort of investment in order to move forward, and your simple “its your turn to talk first” test is actually probably pretty effective.
If you’re getting enough dates (or enough petering out after a few dates), this makes sense. But this isn’t good advice for everyone across the board. A person that doesn’t initiate may have anxiety about it. If all other signs point to it being a good thing, it’d be something to ask about.
My thoughts would tend to turn to the fact she ain’t interested if she isn’t initiating contact although if she’s shy or nervous then not her fault either but it’s knowing which