My boyfriend (M23) and I (F22) have been dating for 2 years and were on and off non exclusive fwb for 2 years prior. We’ve signed a year lease and we’re about to move in together in 3 weeks. Our relationship is troubled. He struggles with drinking, taking care of himself, and there’s more tension then ever before.
The kicker is…I am in love with my friend (M22) who I have a history with. I met him around the same time I was starting my fwb relationship with my now current boyfriend. I met my friend through a dating app since I was free agent and i was just smitten from the start. He was visiting his family in my state for a holiday and we had the most amazing chemistry for the short time he was there. We would go on to be romantically involved for over half a year, long distance, and we even visited each other in our respective states in that time.
I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. We had to stop being romantic towards each other though since he was moving to a remote location for a job and couldn’t sustain any contact (and we were so young so it just seemed like the healthiest decision).
Since then we’ve both dated other people, broke up with them, dated other people…but we have such a great connection and there’s so much love despite the distance between us. I honestly adore every part of him and want him to be in my life forever. This month we are finally in the same place at the same time for a few weeks and it’s amazing . I finally get to see him and hang out with him without having to wait months/years and I’m so deeply happy. Happy in a way that makes me severely doubt my current relationship even more. I wish I could tell him that I wish we could date or ask if we would ever work to be in a real relationship. I have to hold my tongue when I’m with him.
My friend is moving out of the state at the end of the month but not as far away this time. I’m hoping I’ll see him again within a year. But he asked if I was seeing anyone and I said yes of course. It almost pains me. I want to follow my heart and have this small whirlwind romance with him while I can but I would have to break and lose a bond with my boyfriend which would still hurt. I do love and care for my boyfriend but I feel like I’m actually with someone who could be the loml when I’m with my friend. This is all eating me alive and I hate how unfair I am being to my boyfriend.
I want to let my friend know my feelings because I want them to be reciprocated sooo bad. I want to follow my heart. Even though it will bring on hurt.
TLDR: Do I (F22) break it off to confess to my long distance friend/past lover (M22) that I am still in love with him while we have a rare month together in person? Do I bite my tongue and stay with my boyfriend (M23) of 2 years and move in with him because it’s easy despite not wanting to spend the rest of my life with him?
5 comments
Take chances in life and pursue happiness while you’re young. You have so much time left. You can be serious when you’re older!
If your relationship with your boyfriend is troubled and tension filled then perhaps you two should not be moving in together, irregardless of what may happen with your friend? Be honest with your boyfriend about your doubts.
As for your friend, say something like “I’ve really been enjoying spending time with you this month. I know I told you that I have a boyfriend but being with you has made me start to have doubts about our relationship and I’ve started to wonder about whether you and I could be together in a serious relationship?”
Break up with your boyfriend. This has literally nothing to do with the friend you’re in love with, he’s completely irrelevant and a distraction to the issue at hand. You don’t like your boyfriend. You don’t enjoy being in a relationship with him. Why the heck would you move in together? Break up.
You need to break up with your boyfriend and jesus fuck, do not move in together. It doesn’t matter if its a better financial decision, moving in with someone with a drinking problem in a “troubled relationship” is the dumbest god damned thing. Do you think things are just magically going get better? Do you think that he’s suddenly going to stop drinking and take care of himself and that this isn’t all going to totally blow up in your face? Because it’s going to.
It’s also super shitty of you to lead this dude on while you’re in love with someone else that you would absolutely leave him for if given the chance.
What is wrong with you?
Dump your boyfriend. He deserves better.