Additional info:
My parents are divorced, have been since I was nine. I am now 27, my dad is 56, we are close and talk on the phone daily. We went on a big family trip this year and I noticed he’s urgently needing to use the bathroom at least hourly. We stayed on the same floor of the house, and it continued overnight as well.
He’s in incredible shape for his age, rides his mountain and road bikes daily, and maintains a healthy vegetarian diet, so I think he thinks he can skip out on routine maintenance. He hasn’t been to a doctor for anything other than a Covid vaccine in over a year, and I don’t trust that frequent urination would be something he’d bring up on his own. His father died of a heart attack fairly young, so we don’t have him to go off of in terms of what retirement age might look like for my dad, but his older brother nearly died from skin cancer a few years ago.
This would not be the first time he’s ignored something ongoing. He’s ended up with MRSA and drains twice from ignoring mountain bike wounds and had emergency dental extractions when I was a teenager, among other incidents. He brushes me off and says I worry too much about pretty much everything, but it’s been my worry and my nagging that’s saved him every other time. This conversation, however, is a little more nuanced than “yeah, that’s becoming a burrowing wound.”
So, older men of Reddit, how would you prefer your daughter to ask if your doctor has given you the ol’ Prostate Hello lately? I’m dreading this so much, but I’ve heard too many stories of prostate cancer being caught too late and I feel like I need to say something.
25 comments
“Dad, you seem to be pissing a lot. Have you thought about getting your prostate checked? I hope you do, it’d make me feel better if I knew you were ok”
You are his daughter. Being concerned about your family member / dad is normal. Just be blunt. “Dad, I’m not trying to embarrass you at all, but, I noticed you do use the bathroom a lot and I am concerned for your health. Have you talked to a doctor at all about this issue and your prostate health?”.
She shouldn’t, if my daughter asked me about that shit I would marry her off to some Pakistani sheik.
I’m sure Hallmark makes a card for it
You shouldn’t, it’s none of your business.
You just ask him
“Hey dad. I noticed you go to the bathroom almost hourly. I know you work real hard to be healthy, but that’s not normal. You have to get that checked out. It would be silly to be so careful about your health and then let something like this to take you down. It can’t possibly be fun to get up several times a night to pee. That can be fixed.”
If he has had a physical in the last 5 years, they might have done a PSA test for a baseline. If so, he needs a repeat test to see if that’s changed. Basically, remind him that he doesn’t have to live like this. He can’t be happy getting up to pee four times a night.
I am a 23 year old male with a 65 year old father. We aren’t particularly close, we don’t talk, we don’t know each other. But I’d still just tell him “go check your prostate”. I don’t think he would follow up and neither would I, though.
Just come out and say it. It’s not like you’re asking him how much he masturbates.
*Dad – I was reading about prostate health and I thought it matched with your bathroom trips, have you been checked out lately?*
This is family and health – absolutely call something out if you think there could be a problem.
Would you ignore a broken arm or a huge gash on their face? Ignore depression? No – of course not. This is no different.
>I’ve heard too many stories of prostate cancer being caught too late
Seems like you’ve got a natural segue here of “Hey, I’ve been running into a lot of stories about prostate cancer lately and one of the warning signs is pissing a lot more than normal,” that you could use.
Hey Dad, did you get the doctor to stick his finger up your butt recently, because I don’t want you to die
(Many Dads react well to this sort of direct approach. YMMV.)
My 30 year-old daughter asked me last year if I’d been for a game of Pokebum at the doctor’s.
So I think it depends on your relationship with your dad tbh.
Another way to bring it up is to mention how a colleague of yours – or the dad of a girlfriend – who’s about the same age of your Dad and really seems healthy got prostate cancer (even if you’re just making it up) and what he’s going through… then ask your Dad if he’s checked because you’d hate to see anything like that happen to him.
“Did you have your prostate checked recently?”
Tell him that the sexy neighborhood doctor wants to finger his ass.
‘Hey my mates dad found out he’s got prostate cancer and he’s younger than you. Had no symptoms. I don’t know why but I had this horrible feeling about it and I kept thinking of you. Have you ever been checked?’
Tell him that you’re concerned about his health and men generally need to have regular prostate checks and you want to make sure that he’s been getting his checked.
That’s really nice of you. Does he respond well to banter? I feel like I would roast him mercilessly.
I would really recommend going for a routine health check though. I would not say that you can skip it just because you eat healthy.
Luckily although some docs are old fashioned, the rectal exam is actually NOT routinely done anymore as it’s not that useful. It’s a case where if you do one and feel a nodule you need to work that up, but more commonly the standard is just to get a PSA.
So basically that’s reassuring to him if he doesn’t want to get his butt poked.
Just tell him to do it My Uncle died from Prostate Cancer which spread to his spine and he ended up in a wheelchair.
My Dad is a massive PITA but got himself checked and he had it but had radiation and is on top of it now.
He knows what he needs to do and it’s not a big deal anymore and he was very surprised it was no where near what he thought it would be.
Or tell him you are spending your inheritance on coke and hookers so it’s in his best interest to get one done.
“hey, I learned that men have to get prostate exams, have you done yours recently?”
There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It might be a bit awkward but it’s just a health check
There really is no effective treatment for prostate cancer. The surgeries seriously reduce the joy and pleasure, quality of life in what remains of a man’s life (and empty his purse), but the 5 year life expectancy does not increase.
A daughter should mind her own business. She could do some real research about longevity, quality of life, and available prostate treatments or surgery.
“Hey dad mind if I finger your ass?”
Hey Dad, I read/saw an article/story about prostate cancer in men your age and how it’s easily treated if identified early. I’ve also noticed that you’re urinating more frequently and I would like to know if you have been to the doctor about this. I want you in my life for many more years. I want you to schedule an appointment ASAP. You’re not the young man you used to be. We need to stay on top of things so we can have many more years together.
Just bring up that you have noticed him going to the toilet more frequently than before and ask him if everything is fine. If he says it’s fine then just give him the nudge that it’s normal to see a doctor to prevent any future problems from happening. After that it’s up to him what he wants.