I’m 18F, I’ve had sex before with my ex bf. I want to have more sex with different people but I don’t want to be seen as a slut or be seen as too easy. I don’t judge others for their body counts. I think as long as feelings are communicated properly so that no one gets hurt, and STD/pregnancy risks are managed properly, people should be able to have as much sex as they like without being shamed for it. But for some reason I can’t apply the same logic to myself. Posts on Reddit and other social media about how it’s very important that people (usually, women specifically) have low body counts have been getting into my head, even though I don’t believe any of it. I think part of it is that I know I’d be considered unattractive and undateable by many people anyway because of my self harm scars, so I’m scared of doing anything that’ll make me even more undesirable, like having lots of sex with different partners.
Does anyone else feel this way? I feel stuck. I don’t logically believe that being sexually pure is important, but emotionally I feel dirty for even wanting sex, let alone actually seeking it out.
7 comments
Screw what anyone else thinks. Life is way to short! If you want some, get some. Hell you may even find it’s not what you want after trying it. Either way, your body and mind, no one else’s.
I’m assuming based on it being summer and you being 18 that you’re out of high school? Who would know how many people you’re fucking?
In all seriousness, the kind of person who would care about your body count is not the kind of person who anyone should be having sex with anyway. You are being socially responsible by managing STI and pregnancy risks.
It took me years of good sex to begin to shake off the repression from my religious upbringing. You’re very young, it may take years too.
You will run into the occasional incel who tries to devalue you based on your desire for sex or trying sex with multiple partners but their views aren’t worth a dime.
Do what makes you happy, communicate clearly to the people you’re with what you are looking for, and continue being the curious, socially responsible person you seem to be.
It takes practice to shake off society’s pressures on women against chasing their sexual pleasure, particularly with multiple partners, but most people do have multiple partners throughout their life. Women tend to have at least 5 (*median, United States data) and it’s even higher in other developed nations with better access to sex education and healthcare and a healthier societal culture regarding sexual activity.
Just be you. If purity isn’t important to you then don’t try to be pure for a hyporhtical man that that might important to. A man who cares about that just isn’t a good match for you and that’s perfectly OK. There are plenty of men that don’t care.
Also, some more general advice. Don’t waste your youth not doing the things you want to do for other people’s sake. You’re only going to be young once. Do all the things you want to do. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for decades of regret.
First and foremost. Never ever use someone else’s opinions or views as a metric to judge yourself.
It’s none of their business.
That being said, as long as your happy, and you are honest with everyone meaning no sneaky links or cheating. Feel free to have your fun..
Now, a thought. Would you really want a relationship with anyone who would be that judgemental? Just a question to ponder for yourself.
I’m 31F. Been married for 11 years. Body count was something I was nervous about when my husband and I had the conversation when we were dating. His number was 7. Mine was in excess of 30. He never judged me and our sex life is still incredible after all these years! You do you and remember the old saying “those that mind, don’t matter. Those that matter, don’t mind.” Tell anyone that judges your future body count to go sit on a dick 😂
I was really tight-lipped when it came to sex until I got older. Over time you will know how you want to present yourself to others.
Frankly we don’t all have the same needs , same levels of desire. Same interest in certain sexual activities etc. what might be a turn on to one person might not be for the next.
There cannot be a one size fits all sexual way of being. But women are told you have to do things a certain way or your bad.
Those people do not understand human sexuality. They just wanna control women , the hell with them.
As long as you don’t use sex to control people or miss treat people. You do not owe a single person an explanation for how you choose to express your sexuality.
This can be a really amazing time in your life. I hope it goes really well
Honestly I feel like it doesn’t matter. You should go and have the experiences you want. But I’m not going to lie and say some guys won’t have a problem with it but at the end of the day there’s a person out there for everyone so until you meet that person enjoy. Love your life