We have been together for 5 years. I am really bad with dates and birthdays so I depend on my phone for reminders for even my closest friends and family. However last year my phone broke and I switched to a new one and forgot to re-insert birthdays on the calendar (facepalm, I know). I also ended up forgetting to wish a friend because of my misshap.
Today is my boyfriend’s birthday. This month I have been really stressed because of family and financial issues. I’ve been on auto pilot and I feel the days blurring together. I also have depression so my mind isn’t at it’s best. These are not to defend myself, just to explain why I forgot– I love my boyfriend and he is the most important person in my life.
This year we’ve been long distance. So last night we were video calling at midnight and I was wondering why he looked like he was about to laugh the entire time (I know now it’s because he realised I forgot). Today around 6pm I call him to chat and he’s laughing again and says “You forgot what day it is.”
I was so shocked and I felt absolutely horrible and I apologised profusely and explained that my new phone didn’t have a reminder and I am just stupid as hell. He kept joking that he was sad but it’s obvious it wasn’t a joke. Gifts are not an issue because we agreed on no gifts this year because he’s still studying and I started a new job and we’d prefer saving up our money for our future (we’ve been heavy with gifts previous years).
The mood got really awkward and tense because I was so sad and ashamed at myself. He suggested we watch something on Netflix together and we scrolled through options but I didn’t have the choices he wanted in my country’s Netflix. He said he would go to the bathroom and while he was there I was looking for options. When he came back he said he was tired and wanted to sleep and I felt even more crushed.
He went to bed and I still feel terrible. I can’t believe I forgot. How can I make it up to him? What should I say? He isn’t very big on birthdays but I know it hurt him that I completely forgot. I don’t know why he didn’t bring it up last night that the next day would be his birthday because we usually do that. Looking for advice and maybe similar stories. Thanks.
TLDR; I forgot my boyfriend’s birthday and he went to bed sad. I apologised but want to make it up to him.
5 comments
You don’t use Google calendar? Ask your boyfriend what can you do to make it up for him.
Can you do a surprise visit or just send him some flower?
You need to learn to memorize important dates like this. He seems like he wasnt too upset though, so dont let it happen again
I’m sure you feel awful but I don’t know that I would be able to come back from my wife forgetting my birthday. I would be super upset about that
I also have a bad memory when it comes to remembering dates so I can sympathize with you. I’m sure his birthday is in your calendar now. If I were you I would send a belated birthday card through snail mail with a heartfelt message in it apologizing again for your mistake and also expressing what he means to you. I’m sure you two will get through this but its reasonable for you both to feel sad about what happened- try not to be too hard on yourself, it was truly just a mistake on your part. (If your brain is wired like mine, forgetting does not mean you don’t care- remembering dates is just difficult and trying to do better doesn’t work. You already have a method to deal with this, unfortunately it wasn’t’ set up correctly when you needed it).
Plan something special for him that’s not a gift to make it up to him. What would you have done for his birthday if you had remembered?