So, me (M17) and my gf (F17) have gotten to the stage of wanting sex when we’re together most of the time, and it’s a nice feeling! To be able to feel comfortable enough with someone to want something like that. (We’re both still virgins btw)
But the issue is, specifically when we have the intention of PIV, I have trouble maintaining/getting hard in general and it’s really bothering me.
When we’re just doing oral, I have no issue getting hard as I feel very turned on; even when I’m giving her oral I can maintain being hard because I’m turned on enough. But as soon as the intentions shift to PIV, I just lose it/can’t get it up. A few days ago when this happened I actually came 3 times to her by oral, so it really bothers me that I could get it up 3 times in that period of time but i couldn’t when I wanted to initiate PIV that same day.
To be honest, my main issue is that I really want to do this for *her*, because her sex drive is a lot higher than mine and I really want to try sex with her. I can make her cum multiple times easily with my mouth and fingers, so I feel like this is the next step yknow. Im totally okay with just the oral, but I feel like I’m causing her to miss out due to this.
Im not sure what the issue is, I don’t have a porn addiction or anything (I rarely even masturbate) and when I *do* happen to watch porn or masturbate, I can get it up no issue; I even often get hard due to accidentally brushing my arm around that area when I’m alone.
And on another note, she actually makes me feel really good when this happened, as in she comforts me and cuddles me and tells me that it’s okay :), but again I really want to be able to to this with/for her. This has happened to me the last 3 times that we’ve hung out.
Any tips/similar experiences?
Thank you for reading 🙂
4 comments
I think it is a mental block that is preventing the act from happening, you get nervous and that causes stress which will kill an erection. 90% of sex is in the head between your shoulders, not your legs.
Sounds like performance anxiety to me. It’s natural to be worried about having sex with someone for the first time (or in your case, for the first time ever). The more you talk about sex outside of when you’re actually trying to have it the better you’ll feel.
I’ve heard a really good way to help ease yourself into a sexual mindset is to massage each other first. This not only let’s you slowly appreciate each other’s bodies, but it also helps you both de-stress so you can clear your mind before sex. There’s nothing wrong with taking it slow and easing yourself into the experience.
Let me break this down for you-
You’re worried about getting hard, and being worried stops the blood flow.
Being 100% confident in your ability to perform would ease the worry. But this isn’t realistic, even for men with a lot of experience.
So the alternative, which we can always do, is not worry if it doesn’t happen. You have to genuinely not care about impressing her, gaining her approval, etc. Don’t have sex for her, only do it when you really feel like doing it.
It happens man, especially for us anxious types. But if you can master caring less you’ll be good and start having great sex. Also… make sure you are getting good foreplay right before. And if you use a condom, put it on seconds before you enter. Just a tip
It sounds like you have anxiety/stress issues. Being aware of that try to find a way to calm yourself before sex. This is a very broad problem with a lot of variables but I imagine there are things that make you worry during sex and it’s affecting your stress levels. I suggest you talk about it with your partner and build a bit more trust which can help you deal with those worries better.