While I’ve already accepted the reality, I just can’t grasp the logic behind this. It seems like when you don’t initiate text messages with a girl or show a level of interest that’s near hers, that’s when she’s the most responsive and flirty.
But the second you initiate messages, give some sort of choosing signal that you like her, etc., you don’t get nearly anything in response. If anything the relationship is now in jeopardy cause the guy happens to catch feelings for the girl who supposedly liked him from the start.
Am I going insane or have others found this to be true? What is the logic behind losing feelings for a person because they’re simply responding to what you’ve shown them?
26 comments
you arent going insane my friend this is the world we live in sadly
I’ve had this happen once and it’s cause she was messed up from her previous relationship. I’ve not found it to be the case otherwise.
Nope you’re not that’s how women are hardwired
Can I ask what you would call ‘showing interest’? is it texting every day, multiple times a day? What else does this look like? I ask because this is reminding me of conversations I’ve had with my best friend about the guys she talks to/dates. She introduced me to this guy she liked recently, things were going well, but he was just too much. He texted her every day without fail, he would text her when she was at work and expect her to text back with the same frequency. He got annoyed, questioned her commitment to him because she didn’t respond the way he wanted, questioned why she wasn’t more affectionate, complained, whined, negged. She’s had this same interaction with more guys than I can count and I imagine a lot of women do too. The one thing she always says about these guys is that she would much rather a guy who shows a healthy amount of interest. They need to have their own lives outside of her and understand that so does she.
Seriously, if a woman loses interest the second you message her, either she wasn’t interested to begin with or you said something wrong.
Otherwise, mutual interest is one of the fundamental foundations of healthy relationships and everything you said is proven false.
It depends on her initial interest in you, if you aren’t the priority guy on her list of guys then yes it will seem like she’s uninterested cause she’ll be busy with the guy she really wants. (22f) just going off of experience, if a girl isn’t giving her attention to you, trust that it’s going somewhere else
Women play mind games. Just part of life. You get lucky or you don’t. Most of us don’t know what the hell to do and even if we did, it still wouldn’t be enough. It’s all up to the women at the end of the day to decide whether a connection is made.
There’s been studies that women like men who’s feelings are unclear. But I think you’re not properly framing the conclusion.
You think guy doesn’t like girl > girl likes him. “OMG ITS NOT LOGICAL!!!!”
In reality, it’s unsettling for a person to like you so much when they don’t even know you. What you’re confusing for dislike is centeredness. Women seem to want a man who isn’t insecure or needy. Someone who will fall in love with a complete stranger is scary and doesn’t feel genuine.
So yeah. That’s probably more of what you’re seeing.
This doesn’t apply to just girls, it’s human psychology in general. Something about we want those that don’t want us.
Only if they are hot
Yes, it’s just those guys have tons of options and that’s why they don’t have interest.
I find some truth to this. I mean, I’m used to men giving me attention. So when a guy I’m interested in slows down with the communication, then I’ll start to initiate more. It’s kind of like a chase. I know this isn’t right and need therapy for this. I’m now learning to match their energy.
It definitely sparks a desire to become interesting to them, but it would piss me off and then ultimately turn me off completely.
Not for long.
My turn on is people who are interested, and express that interest/enthusiasm.
Have I had crushes where the person knew I wanted them and didn’t want me back? Yes. Did those crushes last long? No. Because why would I be interested in someone who is not into me. Some people function like that; I can’t.
If you’re not interested, I will lose interest in you fairly quickly.
It’s true, to an extent. Here’s why:
1. Desperation is unattractive. It then follows that a lack of desperation is much more preferable.
2. Confidence and competence *are* attractive. A lack of interest is kind of one indirect facet of confidence. Not caring about things that don’t interest you implies you have shit to do, friends to hang out with, and other women to meet.
3. People want what they feel that they can’t get. The chase of going “up.”
That said, every woman is different, and a complete lack of interest/going too far with it will just tell them that you’re not interested. It’s a paradox, for sure.
At the very least, don’t be desperate, and be confident. Don’t act like every woman is the woman of your dreams.
No
Makes perfect sense. I too feel the same way.
Some people are attracted to people that they can’t get. This allows them from actually being in a relationship which requires opening up and letting people get to know the real you. It becomes too intimate/too real. Or they might not want to settle down and they only see themselves going that direction but they’re not ready.
If she actually is interested she will continue to show interest back, if she is just trying to boost her ego she will try anything to get you to show your interest then ghost you
Hate it. I need constant attention. If I’m not getting attention, I assume you aren’t interested, and move on. If you’re ignoring me and I’m still around, I must think you’re something amazing.
Me NO. If someone does not show interest, I move on. I am not traditional, but the only thing is I want the guy to make the first move.
Only girls with self esteem issues.
No I just assume they are not interested and move on. I don’t even bother reaching out once I assume lack of interest.
Having someone texting boost their ego, as in they are wanted.
Even if it’s someone they aren’t attracted to.
And also attention, but that has to do with ego too.
No I don’t rlly like it because I don’t like being ignored and i feel that if I get into a relationship w someone who seems disinterested my needs will be neglected most times
Some people want what they can’t have, they enjoy the chase but once they catch you, they lose interest. I wish I could explain the logic but I really can’t. The closest think I can compare it to is when a cat chases a cat toy, once the toy stops and they get it, they just put it down. I guess it’s a hunter mentality, they caught their prey, now on to the next.