Facing the fact that his past makes me nervous 30F & 39M

30F 39M

My boyfriend has had a rough past. He was adopted at birth then his adoptive mother passed when he was 6. He witnessed her death. His grandmother took over from there.
As a kid he was always so emotional & very affectionate. A clingy loving kid. Just nice to everyone. Even the people that didn’t deserve it. In grade school he got singled out by a teacher. He was one of 3 black kids in his school. The teacher would speak so foul to him, pinch & slap him. He’d make the other kids in the class berate him & even hit him too. He dealt with other people in his life being like that to him too.

He got a girl pregnant after college so he married her. They have 2 children together. Girl is 13. Boy is 7. His wife was verbally & emotionally abusive to him. She was manipulative. She nor his children have ever gotten him anything for Father’s Day. The kids don’t even tell him happy Father’s Day. Their mother discourages it. Rarely any gifts for Xmas & his birthday is just another day. She was always putting him down & saying nasty things to him. Once they started the divorce process she became physically violent. Even her sisters & mom have attacked him. He stayed with her for 12 years. He put up with it always thinking things would get better but they never did. Other relationships he’s had before & after he were just as bad.

He is 39 now & he’s still such a sweet & affectionate man. He puts everyone & every thing before himself. He is conditioned to be that way sadly. He’s the kindest man I’ve ever known outside of my dad. He actually reminds me of him sometimes. I just adore him. Our relationship is so healthy & considerate & full of love. I respect him so much. He’s told me so many times how different our relationship is. How much he appreciates me for being so nice to him. It makes me sad. I don’t know how anyone could ever hurt him. He’s just wonderful & loving him is easy.

I haven’t met his kids or his ex yet. I know I will have to someday soon. But man it scares me. I know the ex is going to try everything to get under my skin but I’m not a push over or conflict kind of person. If she wants to be nasty that’s on her. His daughter scares me the most. I’m scared she’s going to grow up to be just like her mom. She’s 13. I hear her talking to him on the phone & she sounds so demanding & disrespectful. She’s at that age anyways but there’s a little more to that attitude. Part of me thinks she’ll hate me & try to be like her mom & gang up on me or something but the other part sees an opportunity here.

I so desperately want them to a part of our lives together me & their dad. I want to be accepted. I really hope I can help her not act just like the brat that her mom is. I hope to be a good role model for her. I want her to respect her dad. He needs it from her more than from any of us right now. When the time comes I hope it all works out. I see the rest of my life with this beautiful man. Which includes his children & ex.

TL;DR: My bf has put up with a lot of abuse in his life including his terrible ex wife. Even his teenage daughter his starting to disrespect him. As much as I love him & see a future with him & his children being in our life, I’m nervous about meeting them.