Finally not have to worry about how my communication comes off. Not having to feel social or extra sensory overload. Not having that socially awkward vibe I end up giving off no matter how cool I make myself to be, no matter how much I rehearse what I’m going to say. I would be even better at friendships, relationships, speaking up for my needs and self confidence. If I’m honest, I’m playing the cards I’m dealt with right now, but I really don’t prefer having autism. It’s not that I’m trying to be a helpless victim. I’m just painfully aware of how I’m not ever going to fit in. You should stand out seems to be a very positive phrase, but not when I’m the minority in a neurotypical world. Idk, am I right? Am I crazy or reading too much into this?
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You are who you are. Your narrative suggests there exists a reality in which you are not autistic however there is a barrier preventing you from accessing that reality. The premise of your argument is heavily flawed. You are who you are, therefore there is no reality in which you are not autistic, therefore wishing you could live a day without it is a form of self pity to soothe yourself. It’s not healthy to do that.
Sometimes I feel that way too.
The pain is real because navigating the social world is challenging, but despite (or maybe because of) your autism, you have unique gifts. The prevalence of autism continues to grow, so one day you may represent a greater population or be in the majority.
You probably can disappear into your work like your neurotypical peers cannot, and you are more likely honest, loyal and refreshingly naive. These traits are valuable both socially and professionally so long as you know and understand limits/boundaries.
I’m not sure how old you are or how long you have identified as autistic, but the fact that you have to work at some things shouldn’t deter you. The fact that you long for that which you do not possess makes you delightfully human and quite “typical.”
I would love to be at least four inches taller and a lot more coordinated. I wish some academic subjects came a lot easier to me. The fact is that someone else is wearing flats, still towers over everyone and thinks it’s so easy for me because I can throw on a pair of heels. She can run faster than me, but gets tongue-tied because (unlike me) she never had to talk her way out of things from which she could not run. I don’t have her math skills, but my vocabulary is enormous.
Give yourself some time to feel the pain, put spend more of it deciding how you can face challenges, master skills and find your joy. Autism is a spectrum, on which some of my favorite people live and thrive.❤️
The world does not meet Asd/neurodivergent people half way. It’s not okay. We live in a society that doesn’t make it easy at all and leaves it all on the non neurotypical individuals to do all the bending. It’s lonely and exhausting AF. I am actually part of a panel podcast and we all are neurodivergent and recently had an episode out that’s very familiar to what you are talking about. That’s similar to how all of us have felt at some point. We also talk about how we started to find a life that felt good to live.
Bro what was the COVID lockdown? I have autism and it was a fucking blast cause there was no one to offend except people online.