sooo i’ve dated, i’ve met people etc nothing worked out and i’ve been single for more than 2 years now – and i want to find a special someone. but of course Im occupying myself with work etc and if I bump into someone then great. anyways i met a guy yesterday at a community event – seemed nice, exchanged a bit of banter and then that’s it. he asked if I was on insta, i said yes and then he left for home. we’re both between 29 to 32 years old. so early thirties.
anyways I found him in insta and on a whim sent him a follow – he followed me back but no DM nothing. today I messaged him something from what we talked about yesterday, he responded with a question i answered and then that’s it. like how do I get him to keep the convo going?
i honestly don’t know how to else to date or meet people – like I know if he was interested he would message or keep the convo going but then what do I do? i feel like i’ve lost game i dunno – like i meet someone who seems good and want to get to know him more, how do I do that without being this crazy person who always messages?? does anyone else go through this at this age? i don’t know how to “play the game” – if I like someone, I’ll message without thinking and talk to them if I like the convo. i’m super easy do deal with that way.
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so like what to do?
9 comments
Have you considered flirting with them? Guys are dumb. Hit us over the head with it.
> if I like someone I’ll message without thinking and talk to them if I like the convo
Same my friend, same
I think messaging and just “exchanging questions” often just feels lame personally. I’ve seen that many times where I just lose interest after the woman keeps replying back with boring questions basically every reply like “how’s work” or “how’s your sister/brother/etc” It just doesn’t really build a conversation
>- like I know if he was interested he would message or keep the convo going but then what do I do? i feel like i’ve lost game i dunno – like i meet someone who seems good and want to get to know him more, how do I do that without being this crazy person who always messages?
Some people aren’t texters. That’s alright.
Try once or twice to keep convo going if it seemed like you really hit it off. If they respond passively, just directly ask if they want to hang in person. Rip the bandaid off.
They will be up for it, or they won’t (or will kind of space out and not give a real response), but you’ll know either way and can push forward with it. Saves both of you the time.
I struggle with this also. On the one hand I’ve heard that if he’s actually interested then he’ll try….but on the other hand I’ve heard that you have to take the initiative. So basically…..I don’t know. I don’t want to put in a lot of effort for someone who isn’t that interested or someone who will take advantage of my interest, but I also don’t want someone to think that I’m not interested in them so they don’t message because they don’t want to be seen as creepy.
You should’ve asked a question back to keep the conversation alive. Maybe he felt like you didn’t wanna talk after all, since you put an end to it without any follow-ups.
Be the crazy person and keep messaging. Ask him to another event, or you can ask questions that will get him to talk about himself.
Are you an adult? Why don’t you message him?
>i don’t know how to “play the game”
There’s no game. You’re two human beings. If he’s not interested then he’s not interested. If you’re interested in him, then say something interesting to spark up the conversation.
>how do you get guys to message you?
You’re making it sound like he’s a circus animal that you need to train. You can’t control what another person does or how they feel. All you can control is what *you* do, not what he does. So don’t focus on what he’s not doing, focus on what *you* could be doing. If you want to continue the conversation, say something witty, ask him a question, be engaging, etc. And if he’s not responding or engaging, then move on, he’s not into you.
You guys had some light banter and exchanged public social media handles. There’s no foundation there to go off of. There’s nothing for either of you to be interested in yet. If the conversation is already dull then it might not be working. But if you think there’s something there, then by all means be engaging and ask him interesting questions.